Dear Dish-It: He's Too Popular To Like Me
I have a really huge crush on this boy in my class. But he is so much more popular than me. He just got dumped by his girlfriend, smiled at me at least twice and asked me to sing. What should I do? I really like him and don't know what to do!
I get a lot of crush questions like yours, and I think I have the problem pretty much figured out. If you keep thinking the way you’re thinking – that some people are more popular or, in effect, “better” than you, you’ll miss out on having the wonderful, exciting, fulfilling like that you (and every single person born on this earth) deserve!
It’s a problem of low self-esteem. You may not think you suffer from it – you may even think you like yourself a whole lot and are confident in your personality, abilities and even physical looks. But as long as you say or think things like “Oh, he’s more popular than me. There’s no way he could ever like me,” you’re totally selling yourself short.
The secret to getting the things you want in life, including the love and admiration of someone you really like, is to constantly think and say to yourself that you deserve it! Whether you say the words out loud to friends, repeat them over and over in your head or write them down in a letter to me, you need to believe in yourself in order to make your dreams come true – no matter how big or small they are.
If you believe you’re lousy in math and you constantly tell yourself so, chances are you’ll get totally frustrated, nervous or stressed out to the point that you won’t be good at it. But if you have confidence and faith in yourself and believe you can do whatever you set your mind to doing (even tricky trigonometry!), my guess is you’ll find total success!
As for your immediate question about liking this guy: if all the things you’re telling me are true (he’s been smiling at you and complimenting your singing abilities), all signs point to the fact that he likes you back. It seems to me the only thing stopping you from getting what you want is yourself – your own mind telling you who you are and who you aren’t and what you can or can’t have or do. Trust me OC, negative thinking is the worst form of sabotage – you wouldn’t do it to anyone else, so why do it to yourself?
Starting right now, erase the negative thoughts and constantly tell yourself you’re an amazing person. Tell yourself any guy – including this one – would be lucky to be with you (this is vanity or conceit – you DO deserve it, just like everyone else does). Take responsibility for building up your own confidence and believe in yourself. In no time, your positive attitude and self-esteem will shine through, and you may find this boy asking you out without you having to do much other than be yourself. Or, you may end up feeling so good about yourself that you’ll be able to march right up to him and let him know how you feel! And the best part is, you’ll love YOURSELF so much at that point, it won’t matter how he reacts – whether his response is positive or negative, you’ll be able to walk away knowing you still have your biggest and most important fan – YOU.
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