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Dear Dish-It: I'm Crushing On My Teacher

Crushing On Your Teacher

Dear Dish-It,

I have a mega-crush on my history teacher. I'm 14 and he's 26. I know nothing can happen between us. I think he kinda likes me – as a student, of course. I work hard in his lessons and do my best at the homework. I really, really like him, but I bet he won't ever find me even the slightest bit attractive. I wear a headscarf, you see, and girls like me… well, we're not really thought to be that… attractive. I can't ever admit I like him, because I'm afraid my friends will turn on me and it will change what my classmates think of me. Still, I always try to think of some sort of excuse to talk to him, but I don't overdo it. He’s taking my geography class on a four-day trip next year; I'm desperate to go but my parents won’t let me, no matter how much I ask them. I'm really confused, and don't know what to do! I go to a girls' school and I'm not allowed to talk to boys, so I can't "crush on boys my own age…" Any advice?

Nova


Dear Nova,


Sometimes I try to answer the questions I get from kids like you by going back to similar experiences I had when I was younger and trying to remember how I got through them. Unfortunately, sometimes there was no “answer,” and I got through those situations simply with the passing of time.


I remember having a HUGE crush on my camp counselor when I was about your age. It felt so great to be around him and to have him pay attention to me but, at the same time, it felt terrible because I knew the situation could never turn out the way I wanted it to in my daydreams. The age difference between us was just too big and it would have been extremely inappropriate for anything to happen considering the fact he was an adult in charge of kids, including me.


So I’m glad to see that in your letter you acknowledge the fact that nothing can ever transpire from this situation and your feelings for your teacher. And you know what? It has NOTHING to do with who you are or how you look or whether you wear a headscarf or not. TRUST ME. The ONLY reason nothing can happen is the fact that it would be extremely inappropriate for someone in a position of authority (like your teacher) to interact romantically with one of his students. It’s also inappropriate and ILLEGAL for someone over the age of 18 to have any sort of intimate contact or a romantic relationship with a girl who is under 18. He could get in BIG trouble for crossing this line.


The more you can come to terms with the fact that your relationship with your teacher must remain strictly professional – that is, a normal, appropriate student-teacher relationship – and nothing more, the more your feelings for him may fade. And, like I said of my own, similar experience with a camp counselor, time will pass and you will forget this feelings and move on to feel similarly about someone more appropriate who is closer to you in age. I promise.


It sounds like you’re worried that, because you don’t have anything else to distract you in terms of relationships and boys, you won’t be able to get your mind off your teacher. Well, there are several things you can do to help with that. I understand you go to an all-girls’ school, so there are no boys to interact with there. But is it possible to join an after-school and out-of-school group of some sort, something that interests you, where you could interact with some boys closer to your own age? Is there a sports team you can join? An art class? Photography lessons? A religious youth group of some sort?


You didn’t mention whether you and your family are very religious, and whether or not this is the reason you go to an all-girls’ school, wear a headscarf and are not allowed to go on overnight trips with your school. However, if this is the case, then I think what you need to do is continue to follow your religion and beliefs and respect your parents’ wishes. It sounds like you’re a good student and a very smart girl. If you continue doing your best in everything you do, including being a wonderful daughter, then I promise good things will come to you and life will bring you loads and loads of happiness and joy, including the joy of love when you are a bit older and more independent. For now, I’m afraid that going against your parents wishes will only cause you more pain and trouble. But with the passage of time comes change – all you need to do is continue doing your best, be patient and keep your hope and faith alive that someday all your dreams will come true.


Finally, I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. Having a crush on someone you admire, like your teacher, is a perfectly natural part of growing up – we ALL go through it. And wearing a headscarf doesn’t make you unattractive or un-anything for that matter. It’s a part of who you are and a part of your belief system (I think), and that makes it a perfectly acceptable and attractive part of who YOU are as a person. Just believe in yourself and you’ll see all the amazing things that unfold in your life.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Advice From Dish-It:

  • Skipping Gym Class
  • All About PE Teachers
  • Brush Up On Your Study Skills
  • Biology Faux Pas


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    Comments

    crazyforlife123
    I just think she should GET OVER IT!
    commented: Tue Mar 25, 2014

    PInkpink_

    PInkpink_ wrote:

    this is weird. I would never crush on someone 12 years older than me, oUo
    commented: Sun Mar 09, 2014

    jordand08

    jordand08 wrote:

    Yeah, I agree
    commented: Tue Nov 26, 2013

    there are 157 more comments

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    LostintheAbyss
    Dear Dish-it, This is really strange for me to write to you because I have never done anything like this before but I need an outside POV from my situation and I need help. These days, I don't know what I'm doing or what tomorrow is going to bring. But before I get into how I feel, I am going to explain my situation a bit first. So let's get started. My family is a family of 6 though my oldest sibling has left the house to live else where because he's 26 years old. Anyway, I argue a lot in my family in fact there's fights everyday either with me or just between other family members. I don't remember a time that we didn't fight... Sad ain't it? But I try and not let it bother me. My mom and me have the best and worst relationship out there. At one time, we understand ourselves completely but then something happens and the arguments stop... It always ends with her angry and me frustrated, crying and angry... I have cried more in the past year and half (That is when it got worst) Then my entire lifespan so far. Plus since she had a bad childhood, she tries to make everything different from hers but she ALWAYS compares me to her. I am a different person than her and she just doesn't understand that! I always feel really bad after because she wants me to be the perfect child but I can't and I never will be. I am just me. Like today, I punched a wall because I just wanted to feel something else than sadness and worst thing is that I fake smiles and optimism at school so nobody knows. My friends don't understand even though I have told them but now I brush it off. It's not their life so they don't need to understand it. But that's my situation... Now that you have heard something about me, I need help. I'm sending myself in the abyss. I am losing control. I feel as if everything is slipping from my fingers and everything is falling apart. I don't know what's happening to me! I am losing myself and I don't know what to do! It's hard to keep up my grades, to make sure that everything is done, that I go to my activities after school. It feels so hard to do right now... I throw things and slam doors when I am super mad. I don't have anger issues but I keep in so many emotions that I explode when I can't take them anymore. My world seems to be crumbling before my eyes. My family is in debt, my parents might split and my brothers hate me. My dog, running, drawing and books are my only escape.  I don't know what to do... Sincerely LostintheAbyss
    reply about 8 hours
    hugebear
    hugebear posted in Style:
    snickers mkay and Im closing this thread now :) BR yush you is fabulous too mate :D
    reply about 12 hours
    Boysrock50
    Boysrock50 posted in Style:
    I'm fabulous :D
    reply about 12 hours
    Snickers147
    Snickers147 posted in Style:
    Kk 
    reply about 12 hours
    hugebear
    hugebear posted in Style:
    Your welcomes and I thinks that we can close this thread now mkay  :)
    reply about 12 hours

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