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Dear Dish-It: I'm Crushing On My Teacher

Dear Dish-It,

I have a mega-crush on my history teacher. I'm 14 and he's 26. I know nothing can happen between us. I think he kinda likes me – as a student, of course. I work hard in his lessons and do my best at the homework. I really, really like him, but I bet he won't ever find me even the slightest bit attractive. I wear a headscarf, you see, and girls like me… well, we're not really thought to be that… attractive. I can't ever admit I like him, because I'm afraid my friends will turn on me and it will change what my classmates think of me. Still, I always try to think of some sort of excuse to talk to him, but I don't overdo it. He’s taking my geography class on a four-day trip next year; I'm desperate to go but my parents won’t let me, no matter how much I ask them. I'm really confused, and don't know what to do! I go to a girls' school and I'm not allowed to talk to boys, so I can't "crush on boys my own age…" Any advice?

Nova


Dear Nova,


Sometimes I try to answer the questions I get from kids like you by going back to similar experiences I had when I was younger and trying to remember how I got through them. Unfortunately, sometimes there was no “answer,” and I got through those situations simply with the passing of time.


I remember having a HUGE crush on my camp counselor when I was about your age. It felt so great to be around him and to have him pay attention to me but, at the same time, it felt terrible because I knew the situation could never turn out the way I wanted it to in my daydreams. The age difference between us was just too big and it would have been extremely inappropriate for anything to happen considering the fact he was an adult in charge of kids, including me.


So I’m glad to see that in your letter you acknowledge the fact that nothing can ever transpire from this situation and your feelings for your teacher. And you know what? It has NOTHING to do with who you are or how you look or whether you wear a headscarf or not. TRUST ME. The ONLY reason nothing can happen is the fact that it would be extremely inappropriate for someone in a position of authority (like your teacher) to interact romantically with one of his students. It’s also inappropriate and ILLEGAL for someone over the age of 18 to have any sort of intimate contact or a romantic relationship with a girl who is under 18. He could get in BIG trouble for crossing this line.


The more you can come to terms with the fact that your relationship with your teacher must remain strictly professional – that is, a normal, appropriate student-teacher relationship – and nothing more, the more your feelings for him may fade. And, like I said of my own, similar experience with a camp counselor, time will pass and you will forget this feelings and move on to feel similarly about someone more appropriate who is closer to you in age. I promise.


It sounds like you’re worried that, because you don’t have anything else to distract you in terms of relationships and boys, you won’t be able to get your mind off your teacher. Well, there are several things you can do to help with that. I understand you go to an all-girls’ school, so there are no boys to interact with there. But is it possible to join an after-school and out-of-school group of some sort, something that interests you, where you could interact with some boys closer to your own age? Is there a sports team you can join? An art class? Photography lessons? A religious youth group of some sort?


You didn’t mention whether you and your family are very religious, and whether or not this is the reason you go to an all-girls’ school, wear a headscarf and are not allowed to go on overnight trips with your school. However, if this is the case, then I think what you need to do is continue to follow your religion and beliefs and respect your parents’ wishes. It sounds like you’re a good student and a very smart girl. If you continue doing your best in everything you do, including being a wonderful daughter, then I promise good things will come to you and life will bring you loads and loads of happiness and joy, including the joy of love when you are a bit older and more independent. For now, I’m afraid that going against your parents wishes will only cause you more pain and trouble. But with the passage of time comes change – all you need to do is continue doing your best, be patient and keep your hope and faith alive that someday all your dreams will come true.


Finally, I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. Having a crush on someone you admire, like your teacher, is a perfectly natural part of growing up – we ALL go through it. And wearing a headscarf doesn’t make you unattractive or un-anything for that matter. It’s a part of who you are and a part of your belief system (I think), and that makes it a perfectly acceptable and attractive part of who YOU are as a person. Just believe in yourself and you’ll see all the amazing things that unfold in your life.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Advice From Dish-It:

  • Skipping Gym Class
  • All About PE Teachers
  • Brush Up On Your Study Skills
  • Biology Faux Pas


  • 163 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    partydiva01
    partydiva01 posted in Friends:
    Dear dish it, my friend first met eachother on the first day of kindergarten we sat next to one another and we became close. we were BFF's throughout 1st to 2nd grades. then, the second grade teacher realized there were alot of kids in the class. and same w the 3rd grade teacher. so, we had to have a split class. my friend was in the split. I was not. It all seemed like the teachers were doing somthing... weired. all the girls (well, almost there were only 6 girls on one half) were in the split. and all the boys were in regular . AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WAS WEIRED! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( all the boy BFF's and the girl BFF's were SPLIT. me and my friend,kids named Nia & Georgia, Isaac& Ethan, and more. it was so sad for all of us.2 months later, I got homschooled. 2 years later im back in public with my 4th grade self. everything had changed. a bunch of people were obsessed w\ a girl my age named kassidy. im neighbors w\ kassidy and she is REALLY cool and nice. but the whole I  [s:sm3/1jw1] kassidy crew got mean. if I asked them to play they would say. "If Kassidy is playing I will" or I would want to be parteners with kassidy on something and they would freak out. anyway jasmine NEVER invited my to anything, and I am trying to be nice to her ( ice cream money, homework help, comfort when sad, ect.) And not to mention I invited her to 3 things!!! on the bright side she came to 2 :thumbsup :thumbsup she also embarassed me by saying that she was moving I freaked out  because I cared about her and I would cry all the time. I even held onto her and said sadly, "PLEASE DON'T GO!!  :sad :sad . later i found out that she was not moving, she was going to CA for a vacation. even the teacher was in on it!! :mad :mad anyways, my parents told me that i should just let go of her. But i am not ready. HELP??? :e :e :e :e :e
    reply 3 days
    PittsburghPenguinsFanatic
    When I was a child I wanted glasses SOO bad, cuz I wanted to copy my mom and sister. And also, I thought they looked cool. I wear glasses now. I have had them for 2 years and honestly I don't mind them. Although, this year I am gonna pry get contacts for swimming better and stuff like that. But if you don't need glasses I wouldn't recommend wearing them. They're not bad, but trust me after a while you will pry not like them as much. But hey, that's my opinion. If you want to do it I'm not gonna stop you. Do what makes you happy in the long run. And tell your friends that they are non prescription if you don't need them, but still get some.
    reply 4 days
    Bratayley_Fan_7
    She is not. I have faced this problem before so I know. You should make a new friend!
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    I agree I was afraid of that first too. Eventually I just began inviting my friends over and they don't use it/practically obsess over it like I do but they understood why I use kidzworld and not many other forms of social media. 
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    "btw_sports_rule" wrote:I really like a guy and people think he likes me. I like him but im really scared to tell anyone. I really need help but i don't know who to talk to. I can't talk to parents. They would put me in trouble for falling in love. They believe I can't date until age 20. Aw, well, my advice for you would be to talk to your parents about it. There's no point trying to sneak around like those films and it is better for your mind if you talk to them about it. It can be super difficult I know but if you and your parents get along really well then you guys can talk about it and make it work. On the other hand, if your parents ban you from falling in love as you put it, then I think it's better just to stay as friends with him. 
    reply 4 days