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Dear Dish-It: I'm Crushing On My Teacher

Dear Dish-It,

I have a mega-crush on my history teacher. I'm 14 and he's 26. I know nothing can happen between us. I think he kinda likes me – as a student, of course. I work hard in his lessons and do my best at the homework. I really, really like him, but I bet he won't ever find me even the slightest bit attractive. I wear a headscarf, you see, and girls like me… well, we're not really thought to be that… attractive. I can't ever admit I like him, because I'm afraid my friends will turn on me and it will change what my classmates think of me. Still, I always try to think of some sort of excuse to talk to him, but I don't overdo it. He’s taking my geography class on a four-day trip next year; I'm desperate to go but my parents won’t let me, no matter how much I ask them. I'm really confused, and don't know what to do! I go to a girls' school and I'm not allowed to talk to boys, so I can't "crush on boys my own age…" Any advice?

Nova


Dear Nova,


Sometimes I try to answer the questions I get from kids like you by going back to similar experiences I had when I was younger and trying to remember how I got through them. Unfortunately, sometimes there was no “answer,” and I got through those situations simply with the passing of time.


I remember having a HUGE crush on my camp counselor when I was about your age. It felt so great to be around him and to have him pay attention to me but, at the same time, it felt terrible because I knew the situation could never turn out the way I wanted it to in my daydreams. The age difference between us was just too big and it would have been extremely inappropriate for anything to happen considering the fact he was an adult in charge of kids, including me.


So I’m glad to see that in your letter you acknowledge the fact that nothing can ever transpire from this situation and your feelings for your teacher. And you know what? It has NOTHING to do with who you are or how you look or whether you wear a headscarf or not. TRUST ME. The ONLY reason nothing can happen is the fact that it would be extremely inappropriate for someone in a position of authority (like your teacher) to interact romantically with one of his students. It’s also inappropriate and ILLEGAL for someone over the age of 18 to have any sort of intimate contact or a romantic relationship with a girl who is under 18. He could get in BIG trouble for crossing this line.


The more you can come to terms with the fact that your relationship with your teacher must remain strictly professional – that is, a normal, appropriate student-teacher relationship – and nothing more, the more your feelings for him may fade. And, like I said of my own, similar experience with a camp counselor, time will pass and you will forget this feelings and move on to feel similarly about someone more appropriate who is closer to you in age. I promise.


It sounds like you’re worried that, because you don’t have anything else to distract you in terms of relationships and boys, you won’t be able to get your mind off your teacher. Well, there are several things you can do to help with that. I understand you go to an all-girls’ school, so there are no boys to interact with there. But is it possible to join an after-school and out-of-school group of some sort, something that interests you, where you could interact with some boys closer to your own age? Is there a sports team you can join? An art class? Photography lessons? A religious youth group of some sort?


You didn’t mention whether you and your family are very religious, and whether or not this is the reason you go to an all-girls’ school, wear a headscarf and are not allowed to go on overnight trips with your school. However, if this is the case, then I think what you need to do is continue to follow your religion and beliefs and respect your parents’ wishes. It sounds like you’re a good student and a very smart girl. If you continue doing your best in everything you do, including being a wonderful daughter, then I promise good things will come to you and life will bring you loads and loads of happiness and joy, including the joy of love when you are a bit older and more independent. For now, I’m afraid that going against your parents wishes will only cause you more pain and trouble. But with the passage of time comes change – all you need to do is continue doing your best, be patient and keep your hope and faith alive that someday all your dreams will come true.


Finally, I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. Having a crush on someone you admire, like your teacher, is a perfectly natural part of growing up – we ALL go through it. And wearing a headscarf doesn’t make you unattractive or un-anything for that matter. It’s a part of who you are and a part of your belief system (I think), and that makes it a perfectly acceptable and attractive part of who YOU are as a person. Just believe in yourself and you’ll see all the amazing things that unfold in your life.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Advice From Dish-It:

  • Skipping Gym Class
  • All About PE Teachers
  • Brush Up On Your Study Skills
  • Biology Faux Pas


  • 164 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    LUCYQWERTY123
    hey there!! well i suggest u to answer back cause i think he missed u cause he hasnt see u for a year and i know he is estranged but if u answer back maybe he wont be strange so yeah :D :D :D
    reply 4 days
    MysticalC
    My dad and I are kind of estranged, we haven't spoken in a year. So my mom decides it would be a good idea to let him message me. He texted me while I was at school and now I have no idea what to do. All he said was 'Hi _, how is school?'. Do I reply? Do I not? If I do, what do I say? My mom and grandparents are no help, they just cracked jokes about it. KidzWorld has helped me with a hell lot of things, I better not be let down this time.
    reply 4 days
    jordand08
    Just act like you were introducing him as one of your friends. Be yourself, wear stuff that’s comfortable. It’s okay to be nervous because everyone will be. Just hang out and have fun.
    reply 5 days
    Fireworksirl360
    one day I was eating lunch with my friends and two boys, (I'm a girl). when one boy told his friend and some other people, everyone but me who he had a crush on. At the end of lunch someone told me and it was me, later on he confirmed it and his friend told us he was on the verge of tears because I found out. people were telling everyone he liked me. Earlier I told him I liked him as not to make him feel bad, he told his friend who told everyone. soon rumors were started my best friend and his had teamed up to make an unstoppable rumor making and spreading team.  on monday it was our all day field trip and he needed to tell me something so on the way back we sat together across from his friend. She asked him if he still liked me. I covered my eyes but could still see and he was saying no but nodding his head. I told him to just tell me and he said yes. By then the rumors were getting really bad so in order to stop them we started hanging out, and became best friends. its summer now and we text each other all the time but we are just friends the rumors have blown over but now another has become true. through all of this,  I really like him now. I don't know I f he still likes me but I know that I really want him too because I really like him now! What do I do? Please help me! I'm so lost! this is all like a nightmare! what if it starts again. What do I do!
    reply 6 days
    imtcutiie
    imtcutiie posted in Style:
    DONT DO IT JUST PLEASE #### #### #### ......... CHANGING EYE COLOR  JUST WRONG
    reply 7 days