-
x

Meet New Friends!

Recommended friends are based on your interests. Make sure they are up to date.

Friends
Kidzworld Logo

Dear Dish-It: How Do I Ask?

Dear Dish-It,

I need help, obviously. My best (guy) friend said he'll probably invite me to his end-of-the-school-year party this June. I don't know when it is, but I've heard it's at his BFF's house -- a guy I don't like and my mom doesn't know (she'd never let me go to party if there are no parents there). How do I ask my friend if there will be adults there or not without sounding lame?

Soccerstarr22


Dear Soccerstarr22,


Great question! I bet a lot of kids your age would like to ask the same thing. I remember when I was younger my mom felt the exact same way that your mom does about parties I was invited to -- she'd only let me go if she knew that there would be adults around in case anything happened. At the time I thought that was really lame, but now that I think about it I know she was right to worry about something like that. If something bad did happen at one of those parties or if one of the kids who were there needed help, the rest of us wouldn't know what to do -- we were just too young. We'd need a responsible adult who knew what to do in case of an emergency.


Basically, this is a case of better safe than sorry.


Besides, I don't really see anything in your letter that indicates you are not OK with your mom's rules. It seems like asking her for her permission to go and making sure she is OK with the circumstances and the situation is important to you. I totally respect that and you are 100% right for being so responsible and respectful of your mom's wishes.


So in terms of how to find out whether or not there will be adults at your friend's BFF's end-of-the-school-year party, there are several things you can do. The first is to simply ask your friend to ask his friend what the deal is. I think you feel like asking straight out would be lame or would make your friend or his friend feel a certain way about you, but you may be surprised. It's a perfectly legitimate question and, depending on how you ask it, the guys may not even realize you're asking because you need to relay the information back to your mom.


Why not just ask, "Hey? Do you think there will be any parents or adults at the party?" If you ask casually, you don't even need to mention your mom. It could sound like a simple question out of the blue. If your friend replies with, "Why do you want to know?" you could choose to tell the truth ("My mom will only let me go if there are parents there"), leave out the part about your mom ("I'll only be able to go if there are parents there") or be a little more vague ("I don't know, I'm just asking").


If you really can't approach your friend with this question, why not try to find out through what we call "the grapevine?" That is, ask someone else you know is going to the party or keep your ears open to any conversation about the party among your friends that could reveal more info to you. However, if the only person who can tell you the truth or if the only person you are able to ask is your friend, then you're going to have to take a deep breath and just do it.


Whatever you do, don't betray and go against your mom's wishes. I know this from personal experience -- once your parents lose trust in you it's very hard to earn that trust back. If you lie to your mom and go to the party without telling her there won't be any adults there she won't believe you the next time you want to go to a party where parents will be present. It will become hard for her to believe anything you say if you lie to her about this.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Great Dish-It Advice:

  • My Parents Are Ruining My Life
  • My Parents Are Crazy
  • My Parents Just Won't Listen
  • My Parents Are The Worst
  • 16 Comments

    Related Stories

    Poll-1

    Parents - Strict or Laid-Back?

    • Laid-back - they let me do just about anything.
    • Strict - they monitor me all the time and are always on my case.
    • Somewhere in between. My parents like to know what I am up to, but aren't annoying.
    • They're always on my case cuz I'm always getting caught doing things I shouldn't.

    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    partydiva01
    partydiva01 posted in Friends:
    Dear dish it, my friend first met eachother on the first day of kindergarten we sat next to one another and we became close. we were BFF's throughout 1st to 2nd grades. then, the second grade teacher realized there were alot of kids in the class. and same w the 3rd grade teacher. so, we had to have a split class. my friend was in the split. I was not. It all seemed like the teachers were doing somthing... weired. all the girls (well, almost there were only 6 girls on one half) were in the split. and all the boys were in regular . AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WAS WEIRED! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( all the boy BFF's and the girl BFF's were SPLIT. me and my friend,kids named Nia & Georgia, Isaac& Ethan, and more. it was so sad for all of us.2 months later, I got homschooled. 2 years later im back in public with my 4th grade self. everything had changed. a bunch of people were obsessed w\ a girl my age named kassidy. im neighbors w\ kassidy and she is REALLY cool and nice. but the whole I  [s:sm3/1jw1] kassidy crew got mean. if I asked them to play they would say. "If Kassidy is playing I will" or I would want to be parteners with kassidy on something and they would freak out. anyway jasmine NEVER invited my to anything, and I am trying to be nice to her ( ice cream money, homework help, comfort when sad, ect.) And not to mention I invited her to 3 things!!! on the bright side she came to 2 :thumbsup :thumbsup she also embarassed me by saying that she was moving I freaked out  because I cared about her and I would cry all the time. I even held onto her and said sadly, "PLEASE DON'T GO!!  :sad :sad . later i found out that she was not moving, she was going to CA for a vacation. even the teacher was in on it!! :mad :mad anyways, my parents told me that i should just let go of her. But i am not ready. HELP??? :e :e :e :e :e
    reply 3 days
    PittsburghPenguinsFanatic
    When I was a child I wanted glasses SOO bad, cuz I wanted to copy my mom and sister. And also, I thought they looked cool. I wear glasses now. I have had them for 2 years and honestly I don't mind them. Although, this year I am gonna pry get contacts for swimming better and stuff like that. But if you don't need glasses I wouldn't recommend wearing them. They're not bad, but trust me after a while you will pry not like them as much. But hey, that's my opinion. If you want to do it I'm not gonna stop you. Do what makes you happy in the long run. And tell your friends that they are non prescription if you don't need them, but still get some.
    reply 4 days
    Bratayley_Fan_7
    She is not. I have faced this problem before so I know. You should make a new friend!
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    I agree I was afraid of that first too. Eventually I just began inviting my friends over and they don't use it/practically obsess over it like I do but they understood why I use kidzworld and not many other forms of social media. 
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    "btw_sports_rule" wrote:I really like a guy and people think he likes me. I like him but im really scared to tell anyone. I really need help but i don't know who to talk to. I can't talk to parents. They would put me in trouble for falling in love. They believe I can't date until age 20. Aw, well, my advice for you would be to talk to your parents about it. There's no point trying to sneak around like those films and it is better for your mind if you talk to them about it. It can be super difficult I know but if you and your parents get along really well then you guys can talk about it and make it work. On the other hand, if your parents ban you from falling in love as you put it, then I think it's better just to stay as friends with him. 
    reply 4 days