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Dear Dish-It: How Do I Ask?

Is This Party Supervised?

Dear Dish-It,

I need help, obviously. My best (guy) friend said he'll probably invite me to his end-of-the-school-year party this June. I don't know when it is, but I've heard it's at his BFF's house -- a guy I don't like and my mom doesn't know (she'd never let me go to party if there are no parents there). How do I ask my friend if there will be adults there or not without sounding lame?

Soccerstarr22


Dear Soccerstarr22,


Great question! I bet a lot of kids your age would like to ask the same thing. I remember when I was younger my mom felt the exact same way that your mom does about parties I was invited to -- she'd only let me go if she knew that there would be adults around in case anything happened. At the time I thought that was really lame, but now that I think about it I know she was right to worry about something like that. If something bad did happen at one of those parties or if one of the kids who were there needed help, the rest of us wouldn't know what to do -- we were just too young. We'd need a responsible adult who knew what to do in case of an emergency.


Basically, this is a case of better safe than sorry.


Besides, I don't really see anything in your letter that indicates you are not OK with your mom's rules. It seems like asking her for her permission to go and making sure she is OK with the circumstances and the situation is important to you. I totally respect that and you are 100% right for being so responsible and respectful of your mom's wishes.


So in terms of how to find out whether or not there will be adults at your friend's BFF's end-of-the-school-year party, there are several things you can do. The first is to simply ask your friend to ask his friend what the deal is. I think you feel like asking straight out would be lame or would make your friend or his friend feel a certain way about you, but you may be surprised. It's a perfectly legitimate question and, depending on how you ask it, the guys may not even realize you're asking because you need to relay the information back to your mom.


Why not just ask, "Hey? Do you think there will be any parents or adults at the party?" If you ask casually, you don't even need to mention your mom. It could sound like a simple question out of the blue. If your friend replies with, "Why do you want to know?" you could choose to tell the truth ("My mom will only let me go if there are parents there"), leave out the part about your mom ("I'll only be able to go if there are parents there") or be a little more vague ("I don't know, I'm just asking").


If you really can't approach your friend with this question, why not try to find out through what we call "the grapevine?" That is, ask someone else you know is going to the party or keep your ears open to any conversation about the party among your friends that could reveal more info to you. However, if the only person who can tell you the truth or if the only person you are able to ask is your friend, then you're going to have to take a deep breath and just do it.


Whatever you do, don't betray and go against your mom's wishes. I know this from personal experience -- once your parents lose trust in you it's very hard to earn that trust back. If you lie to your mom and go to the party without telling her there won't be any adults there she won't believe you the next time you want to go to a party where parents will be present. It will become hard for her to believe anything you say if you lie to her about this.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Great Dish-It Advice:

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    Comments

    BuzzJuzz

    BuzzJuzz wrote:

    This article is very obvious..like it!
    commented: Fri Aug 30, 2013

    mahtaby

    mahtaby wrote:

    I've never thought abt it!!
    commented: Fri Aug 23, 2013

    JennyD

    JennyD wrote:

    good
    commented: Tue Aug 06, 2013

    there are 16 more comments

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    Parents - Strict or Laid-Back?

    • Laid-back - they let me do just about anything.
    • Strict - they monitor me all the time and are always on my case.
    • Somewhere in between. My parents like to know what I am up to, but aren't annoying.
    • They're always on my case cuz I'm always getting caught doing things I shouldn't.

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    at should i do so i dont cry when she starts to argue about it and so i don i would read the bible every time ur mom argues, go some were and say dis OUR FATHER, WHO ARE IN HEAVEN HOLLOW BE THY NAME, THY KINGDOM COME THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IN HEAVEN, GIVE US THIS DAY ARE DAILEY BREAD AND FORGIVE US ARE DEPTS AS WE FORGIVE ARE DEPTERS, FOR THYNESS THY KINGDOM, THE POWER AND THE GLORY FOR EVER AND EVER AMEN, [friend request me]
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    FudgeBrownies
    my dad lives in Illinois so he cant be around to help out like he should be. but my mom likes to start arguing about him supposedly abandoned me and all that.... what should i do so i dont cry when she starts to argue about it and so i dont get grounded for arguing back with attitude.....what should i do?
    reply about 2 hours
    donteatcarrots
    donteatcarrots posted in Friends:
    If it's a one-off, then she's probably your friend- we all have our flaws. But it sounds like she's constantly doing this- your friend's probably a foe. Talk about it with her- ask her why she's doing this/that to you.
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    rebelfeminist
    "alexiarina123" wrote:ignore him and pretend he is not there , brothers are like that. This. If you don't let him know it bothers you he won't do it. That's just the way brothers work.
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