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Dear Dish-It: How To Break Up

Dish-It gets this question all the time – how do I break up with him/her? Here’s my advice for all those out there wondering about breaking up – and how to do it.


Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend is no fun – but it’s a fact of life for most of us. If you’re in a relationship with someone you’re no longer interested in (in that lovey dovey kinda way), it’s time be honest. Brutally honest. Here’s how to do the deed.


The first thing you need to do is make sure the two of you are alone – and in person. Never break up with anyone when there are other people around. Not even if it’s just your best friend or his best bud – you need to do this one-on-one, face-to-face and alone! Also, breaking up over the phone, by e-mail or through a text is never right. This is one of those things that you should do in person.


Now comes the hard part. Take a deep breath and try to relax yourself. Remember, you’re most likely about to hurt someone’s feelings and, no matter how they react, you need to remember you are doing what’s best for you (and, even if they can’t see it now, you are doing what’s best for them, too). No matter how they react, you keep your cool. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and two people screaming at each other isn’t going to fix anything, so the best thing to do is stay calm, no matter what.


Now’s the time to tell him or her that you feel like you need to stop seeing them or end the relationship. You don’t really need to go into your reasons at this point or try to defend yourself. You’ve said the most important part. Now it’s time to let it sink in and see what the reaction is.


If your (now) ex tries to convince you to give him or her another chance, listen to what they have to say. Maybe there’s a good point in there somewhere? If not, and you’re still sure about breaking up, say you don’t think it’s going to work and you’re really, really sorry. Tell them you’ve already given it a lot of thought and you don’t think you’re going to change your mind. But don’t be mean!


Make sure that, before the conversation ends, you tell your ex where you see the relationship going at this point. That doesn’t mean giving promises of getting back together in the future – it means you need to let him or her know whether or not you’re willing to be friends, whether or not you still want to talk on the phone, whether or not you’ll still say hi when you see them at school, etc.


A very important part of breaking up with someone is trying to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if someone you didn’t want to break up with was telling you they wanted to let you go? This doesn’t mean you have to feel sorry for them – it just means you need to deliver the bad news in the best way possible, with the most respect you can give. Think about how you’d like and not like someone to break up with you, and follow the same advice when it’s you doing the breaking up with someone else.


And one last thing: once you know it’s better to end things with your girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t drag it out for very long. If the relationship is over in your mind and heart and it’s pointless to go on, be honest and let the other person know as soon as possible. It may hurt their feelings, but looking back they’ll appreciate you being honest and truthful with them as soon as your feelings changed.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Great Advice:

  • My Parents Made Us Break Up
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  • Should I Still Talk To Her?
  • 19 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    GlimmeringSky16
    Shouldn't this be titled like, "Suicide Isn't the Answer" or something.
    reply about 4 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Family Issues:
    Why? You're worth so much more than that. You deserve to live, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. You're an amazing human being, you're capable of so much more than you think you are. You're special. I know you probably think you aren't but you must certainly are. The idiots who tell you to commit suicide, well, as I said, they're IDIOTS. I know life sucks sometimes with them but don't let that end your life. Don't let them win. Prove them wrong. They're not worth your thoughts, why bother letting them take your life? They're not worth the amazing person that you are. Don't let them stop you from living your dreams, because they aren't worth them. They're just a bunch of jerks who have no heart, the devil took theirs away, don't let them take yours. Thanks for reading this. You're a great person and I really hope you decide not to do that to yourself. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always available for you. -HannahG
    reply about 5 hours
    Harmonia
    Harmonia posted in Family Issues:
    "HannahG" wrote:I've honestly learned a lot with my parents, and with my experiences I'd like to share with you what I've learned so you don't make mistakes(although you will, I'm here to prevent as many as possible). So go grab your parents and your siblings, and listen to My Rant To Parents Across America(or mainly to my own parents, since this is what I'd tell mine). #1. The relationship between a child and his or her parent is NOT a dictatorship. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not. See, dictators are cruel to prisoners of war or basically ANYONE and push them around in any way they want because their people should obey them. The dictator's people are his slaves. Because they should obey them, because he keeps them alive. In your case, you think that you should be the dictator because you gave them the gift of life, making them owe you themselves. Well, see, um, no. You gave them the gift of life because you LOVED them! You knew that your child may make mistakes, and you didn't care because you loved them more than anything else. You didn't give them life so they could be your slave, you gave them life because you loved them enough to let them live with you. Which brings me to my next point.... #2. Don't compare your child to other children. Don't tell them you like that person better. I thought that you loved them so much you wouldn't care about their mistakes, you gave them life knowing they may not be the best of the best, but you loved them so much you wouldn't care! Do you not have that unconditional love between a parent and their child now? Because if not, maybe you should leave yours at an adoption center and go adopt the child you're comparing them too, because they're OBVIOUSLY better. The second reason why you should never compare is because, see, I don't care if you are bff's with them on social media sites, or how often you speak to them, you probably don't know your child as good as you think. You may not know what they're going through. They may not have been the lead in the school play, but most of this generation can actually be really good at acting when you're around. So many parents think that they know their child so well, when they haven't a clue. You don't see what goes on outside that door of your house. They can hide it if they're being bullied. And you just made it worse by comparing them to someone else. This world will tear them APART. To pieces, until all that's left is a small atom left inside of them. They need to know that there's always gonna be someone there for them when they're hurting, when this world has crushed them to bits. Someone who loves them, who doesn't think anyone else in the world is better than them. You're not giving them that message when you compare them to another. And also, you don't even know the person you're comparing them to most of the time. That child could be screwed in the head and you'd have no idea. They could be a much worse child than yours is. #3. Yes, I WILL make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. I wish I were too. But I'm not, and you need to accept that! It hurts me when you're insulting me. That stuff makes me feel bad. You don't even know the effect you have on me. I know I say I don't care. But guess what? I'm the best actor there is at saying that. I do care. And it really hurts me when you insult me. Like, seriously, I just got home after being bullied by a girl who called my fashion style stupid, and you're treating me worse than she did. You don't know what's going on in my life! Why do you hurt me? For all you know, I could be a suicidal who's cutting themselves every night(I'm not, just using it as an example. I love life. But what other way can I get to you than by lying?)! You don't know! What if that insult could be the one thing that leads me to suicide? What if I'm gone tomorrow? I bet you'll have wished you hadn't said that now. The parents, they probably know who they are, they go insulting their child and guess what happens the next day? They're bringing a knife to their heart! Those parents feel like absolute ####, and they wish they hadn't said that. I'm not suicidal or anything, but what if someone else is? What if you don't know who that person is? You probably don't know. You don't have any idea at all the effect you can have on people. If it were me, I'd want my effect to be good. Your compliment could mean the difference of a lifetime and you'd never know. You have no idea. Please take my word, and pass this on. And thank you for reading this. -HannahG Every parent needs to read this. From my personal experience, my parents are examples of a lot of the stuff you listed above. No one's parents have a complete idea of what is going on, and by one word or one action you could make everything worse. In fact, my parents were the reason I self-harmed for the first time... But that was in the past. No kid should ever have to be slaves, be punching bags of their parents that make them miserable. Parents need to care about their kids. Isn't that what a mom or dad is?
    reply about 6 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Family Issues:
    I've honestly learned a lot with my parents, and with my experiences I'd like to share with you what I've learned so you don't make mistakes(although you will, I'm here to prevent as many as possible). So go grab your parents and your siblings, and listen to My Rant To Parents Across America(or mainly to my own parents, since this is what I'd tell mine). #1. The relationship between a child and his or her parent is NOT a dictatorship. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not. See, dictators are cruel to prisoners of war or basically ANYONE and push them around in any way they want because their people should obey them. The dictator's people are his slaves. Because they should obey them, because he keeps them alive. In your case, you think that you should be the dictator because you gave them the gift of life, making them owe you themselves. Well, see, um, no. You gave them the gift of life because you LOVED them! You knew that your child may make mistakes, and you didn't care because you loved them more than anything else. You didn't give them life so they could be your slave, you gave them life because you loved them enough to let them live with you. Which brings me to my next point.... #2. Don't compare your child to other children. Don't tell them you like that person better. I thought that you loved them so much you wouldn't care about their mistakes, you gave them life knowing they may not be the best of the best, but you loved them so much you wouldn't care! Do you not have that unconditional love between a parent and their child now? Because if not, maybe you should leave yours at an adoption center and go adopt the child you're comparing them too, because they're OBVIOUSLY better. The second reason why you should never compare is because, see, I don't care if you are bff's with them on social media sites, or how often you speak to them, you probably don't know your child as good as you think. You may not know what they're going through. They may not have been the lead in the school play, but most of this generation can actually be really good at acting when you're around. So many parents think that they know their child so well, when they haven't a clue. You don't see what goes on outside that door of your house. They can hide it if they're being bullied. And you just made it worse by comparing them to someone else. This world will tear them APART. To pieces, until all that's left is a small atom left inside of them. They need to know that there's always gonna be someone there for them when they're hurting, when this world has crushed them to bits. Someone who loves them, who doesn't think anyone else in the world is better than them. You're not giving them that message when you compare them to another. And also, you don't even know the person you're comparing them to most of the time. That child could be screwed in the head and you'd have no idea. They could be a much worse child than yours is. #3. Yes, I WILL make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. I wish I were too. But I'm not, and you need to accept that! It hurts me when you're insulting me. That stuff makes me feel bad. You don't even know the effect you have on me. I know I say I don't care. But guess what? I'm the best actor there is at saying that. I do care. And it really hurts me when you insult me. Like, seriously, I just got home after being bullied by a girl who called my fashion style stupid, and you're treating me worse than she did. You don't know what's going on in my life! Why do you hurt me? For all you know, I could be a suicidal who's cutting themselves every night(I'm not, just using it as an example. I love life. But what other way can I get to you than by lying?)! You don't know! What if that insult could be the one thing that leads me to suicide? What if I'm gone tomorrow? I bet you'll have wished you hadn't said that now. The parents, they probably know who they are, they go insulting their child and guess what happens the next day? They're bringing a knife to their heart! Those parents feel like absolute ####, and they wish they hadn't said that. I'm not suicidal or anything, but what if someone else is? What if you don't know who that person is? You probably don't know. You don't have any idea at all the effect you can have on people. If it were me, I'd want my effect to be good. Your compliment could mean the difference of a lifetime and you'd never know. You have no idea. Please take my word, and pass this on. And thank you for reading this. -HannahG
    reply about 6 hours
    Tech-King
    Tech-King posted in Friends:
    Just tell him, or do what my friend did, get someone to do it for him.
    reply about 6 hours

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