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Dear Dish-It: How To Break Up

Dish-It gets this question all the time – how do I break up with him/her? Here’s my advice for all those out there wondering about breaking up – and how to do it.


Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend is no fun – but it’s a fact of life for most of us. If you’re in a relationship with someone you’re no longer interested in (in that lovey dovey kinda way), it’s time be honest. Brutally honest. Here’s how to do the deed.


The first thing you need to do is make sure the two of you are alone – and in person. Never break up with anyone when there are other people around. Not even if it’s just your best friend or his best bud – you need to do this one-on-one, face-to-face and alone! Also, breaking up over the phone, by e-mail or through a text is never right. This is one of those things that you should do in person.


Now comes the hard part. Take a deep breath and try to relax yourself. Remember, you’re most likely about to hurt someone’s feelings and, no matter how they react, you need to remember you are doing what’s best for you (and, even if they can’t see it now, you are doing what’s best for them, too). No matter how they react, you keep your cool. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and two people screaming at each other isn’t going to fix anything, so the best thing to do is stay calm, no matter what.


Now’s the time to tell him or her that you feel like you need to stop seeing them or end the relationship. You don’t really need to go into your reasons at this point or try to defend yourself. You’ve said the most important part. Now it’s time to let it sink in and see what the reaction is.


If your (now) ex tries to convince you to give him or her another chance, listen to what they have to say. Maybe there’s a good point in there somewhere? If not, and you’re still sure about breaking up, say you don’t think it’s going to work and you’re really, really sorry. Tell them you’ve already given it a lot of thought and you don’t think you’re going to change your mind. But don’t be mean!


Make sure that, before the conversation ends, you tell your ex where you see the relationship going at this point. That doesn’t mean giving promises of getting back together in the future – it means you need to let him or her know whether or not you’re willing to be friends, whether or not you still want to talk on the phone, whether or not you’ll still say hi when you see them at school, etc.


A very important part of breaking up with someone is trying to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if someone you didn’t want to break up with was telling you they wanted to let you go? This doesn’t mean you have to feel sorry for them – it just means you need to deliver the bad news in the best way possible, with the most respect you can give. Think about how you’d like and not like someone to break up with you, and follow the same advice when it’s you doing the breaking up with someone else.


And one last thing: once you know it’s better to end things with your girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t drag it out for very long. If the relationship is over in your mind and heart and it’s pointless to go on, be honest and let the other person know as soon as possible. It may hurt their feelings, but looking back they’ll appreciate you being honest and truthful with them as soon as your feelings changed.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


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  • 19 Comments

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    Itz_Eyn
    Itz_Eyn posted in Friends:
    This is the problem... My friends that I hang out with in school keeps on calling me fat and stupid. They are my only friends so I will not betray them, but when they are in trouble, they makes me the scapegoat and blame me on everything. Everytime they drop something, they tell me to pick it up for them. Everytime when I cannot play with them due to health issues, they will tell me to trade for something, like I can't play on a day, they will ask me to help them buy drinks (with their money).
    reply about 2 hours
    Gingerkissx
    Maybe you could try working your way up to the conversation. I started out talking about how I was feeling online because it was practically impossible to talk about in real life, then I started talking about depression (in general, not that I thought I had it) to my friends - who I was feeling very distant from at the time, before I started being able to admit that I probably had it myself. Reaching out is one of the hardest parts but trust me, you will get there eventually. I found it hard myself because people tell people to reach for help but they never really talk about how to do it. It's usually just building the courage to say "I've been feeling depressed" even though it's not a comfortable thing to say. The thing is, there are many people out there who will be willing to help you that you wont trust. I got help when I admitted to my maths teacher about what was going on, and I definitely did not trust my maths teacher. But anxiety and depression is quite common and out there are going to be people who will understand and have been through similar experiences. You just have to find an adult who can get you help. Whether this be your parents, family member, a school counselor, or a teacher.  I hope this was helpful, and good luck.
    reply about 3 hours
    Austin312
    Austin312 posted in Friends:
    So okay, there are two guys in my class and both of them have a crush on me. Both asked me out and i dont know what should i do. same thing as what happened to you shygirl03 
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    toripizza
    last friday, i was home alone, my dad went to am AA meting and chiz, so i was alone for a couple og hours, i mean yeah i'm depressed, i cut, i have suicidal thoughts daily.......it's hard hurting inside..and just to see everyone pass you by like you're nothing, people judging you without knowing you. i also have social anxiety, and it really bothers me at school, so i try to walk fast in the halls, and i'm tense a lot. people criticize me once in a while.... ive been through some stuff, i've seen my mom abused infront of me thousand of times..........it's just hard...life. i'm scared to deal with it. so i made a noose, tried to attempt. long story short, my friend called the police, i got sent to the ER......my dad doesn't trust me alone for a mere 3 seconds, cause he thinks as soon as he turns his back i'll cut myself, or hang myself
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    hugebear
    hugebear posted in Friends:
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    reply about 16 hours

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