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Dear Dish-It: He Cheated On Me Twice

Dear Dish-It,

my boyfriand hase cheated on me twice and i dont kno wat to do?

emochik1214


Dear EC1214,


Ditch him. You’re wasting you’re time with someone who doesn’t care about you – time you could be spending enjoying your life, your family, your friends or potentially finding someone who will treat you with more respect. Plus, there’s always that old saying you can think about: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” That means the first time your boyfriend betrayed you, it was possible for you to accept him back into your life. But the second time it happens, if you accept him back again, you only have yourself to blame – because he will likely do it to you again.


I know it’s easier said than done. I hear it all the time (I’ve even heard myself say it!). But you love him and there’s history there – it’s hard to just give all your feelings for this guy up and leave him. Trust me, those are just excuses – excuses because you’re likely scared to move on into the unknown. I remember feeling like I’d never meet anyone else if I left my boyfriend, no matter how badly he was treating me. Well, I’m here to tell you that’s simply not true. There’s always someone else. And, more importantly, you’ll always have yourself. That may not seem like much, but it’s actually everything in the world.


10 Tips On Dealing With A Cheater

  1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings of anger, sadness and disappointment over the betrayal.
  2. Don't blame yourself for his actions. Remember that you can't be responsible for anyone's behavior other than your own.
  3. Try to set aside your emotions and look at the situation from an outsider's point of view. What advice would you give to your friend?
  4. Evaluate whether his behavior has permanently destroyed your trust in him and in your relationship. Do you believe he won't repeat his actions in the future?
  5. Confront your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel about his actions. Let him know that cheating is not acceptable behavior in your relationship.
  6. If you feel you need to know why he cheated on you to obtain closure for yourself, listen to his explanations about his behavior. Remember that listening does not mean you condone, agree with or accept his behavior.
  7. Don't allow him to manipulate your feelings with sweet words of apology or promises never to cheat on you again. Be realistic. Do you honestly believe this was a one-time event, or do your instincts tell you that he'll probably cheat on you again in the future?
  8. Ask yourself if you would be better off with him or without him. Can you continue to enjoy the relationship, knowing about the betrayal?
  9. Find a constructive outlet for your emotions of disappointment and anger.
  10. Give yourself time to grieve over the betrayal. Whether you stay with him or not, forgive him for his actions so you can heal and move on with your life.

More Great Dish-It Advice:

  • Dumped Before Valentines Day
  • Cheating Ex Dating BFF
  • Am I Cheating?
  • I Know He’s Cheating


  • 94 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    -Gwen9--
    -Gwen9-- posted in Friends:
    "jordand08" wrote:Thank you.You're welcome. :)
    reply 12 minutes
    donteatcarrots
    talk to the person you're closest too. yes, you said you don't get close with people, but there's probably one person who you speak to more often than others- talk to that person.
    reply about 2 hours
    donteatcarrots
    donteatcarrots posted in Friends:
    Don't worry too much- it's only your first relationship- but I'd sit down with him at one point, and discuss what makes you uncomfortable, eg; if you know what I mean...
    reply about 2 hours
    donteatcarrots
    donteatcarrots posted in Friends:
    Probably sound a little stereotypical, but the majority of boys don't really act like that... Ask him :p
    reply about 2 hours
    kittenkid
    First: WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T KILL YOUSELF! When you get past this you'll be glad. Well, this is just my opinion, but I think you should first find someone, anyone, even if you don't trust them, if there're your parents talk to them about it. I bet a bunch of people have already told you this but there're right. Before you walk up to them, write down what you're going to say and then think of a few questions they might ask and write down the answers to them. Remember to tell them that it might take you a minute to think of an answer. Before you answer, think of the exact words you will say  before you say anything, and think in your mind about it. Think about wether it is a lie or not before you say it. If it gets out of you mouth before you realize it is a lie, don't be afraid to say so and just say the truth. Also, just try to find something you like to do that will take your mind off everything. If you really can't think of anything, try just practicing saying your feelings to yourself, or a pillow or something.  Hope this helps!
    reply about 4 hours

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