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Dear Dish-It: I Don't Want To Move

Dear Dish-It,

I’m 13 and I live with my Grandma. My mom is getting married in June and she wants me to move to her town this summer but I don’t want to lose my awesome friends. I’ve lived with my Grandma for 6 years. I do want to live with my mom again but I don’t want to leave my friends. What do I do?

blonde


Dear blonde,


Sounds like you’re caught smack-dab in the middle of being a kid and being an adult. The kid in you wants to stay with your friends, but the adult in you realizes it may be best to move back in with your mom and try being a family again. This is a really tough decision, and I don’t blame you for feeling so upset about it.


I guess what it comes down to is making a choice between staying a kid or turning into an adult. Sure, you could stay with your Grandma and your friends, but it sounds to me like maybe you know that moving in with your mom (even if that means relocating to a new town) is the right decision at this point. If that’s the case, then I think you know what you need to do.


However, if I’m wrong, and moving in with your mom isn’t really that big a deal (meaning, your Grandma doesn’t mind you staying with her for a little longer and your mom doesn’t care where you live as long as you’re happy), then I guess you can stay put and keep all your old friends. But if everyone, including your mom and your Grandma (and your heart, which sounds like the case) is giving you good reason why it would be better for you to be with your mom now, then it’s time to grow up and make a grown-up decision: it’s time to move.


That being said, you are totally allowed to have feelings about moving, and you don’t have to pretend that you’re not upset about leaving your old friends behind. Be honest with your mom – tell her you feel sad about leaving your friends and nervous about starting over in a new home and a new town. Give yourself a chance to feel what you’re feeling. Just don’t attack your mom or make her feel guilty – that won’t solve anything. It will just make a tough situation tougher.


Related Stories:

  • Dear Dish-It: My Dad’s Moving Out
  • Dear Dish-It: What’s My Next Move?
  • Dear Dish-It: Is It Time To Move On?
  • Dear Dish-It: A New School


  • 5 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    rainbowpoptart
    Goodness... I see where your mother is coming from: if you eat too much, no matter how healthy the food is, and don't work off the calories, you're going to gain weight. But she's being very obsessive and dramatic about it. There is nothing wrong with eating pizza or a cookie every now and then, and there's nothing wrong with relaxing from time to time either. As long as you aren't constantly eating junk and not burning the calories, then you do not have a problem. Eating unhealthy things every now and then does not make you fat. EATING every now and then does not make you fat. Try explaining this to her, calmly and patiently. Tell her that you don't want to be forced to do all of this exercising - being forced to exercise makes it a lot less interesting. Do not take "This is for your own good" for an answer; if you do not want to do it, it is NOT for your good. (This, of course, would be a different story if you were actually fat.) ALSO tell her that exercising too much and not satiating your cravings is JUST AS UNHEALTHY AS BEING FAT IS. If you were to not eat healthful meals and not snack every now and then, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the food is, plus exercise so frequently, you would not be healthy.  Eating is good for you, even if the food isn't. Eating too little and eating too much is not healthy. Exercise is good for you. Not exercising enough and exercising too much is not good for you. If you talking to her doesn't help, try telling another adult how you feel, and maybe they can help get it through to her. Regardless of what happens, take care of yourself. Moderate how much you eat, but don't limit yourself to less than you feel you need. Exercise, but don't do something you don't want to; working out should be fun. Good luck with everything. I'm really sorry that she makes you feel so badly about this.
    reply 1 day
    jake495
    jake495 posted in Family Issues:
    Make sure she knows its your body not hers In a respectful way of course
    reply 1 day
    ThePaleWalker636
    I'm perfectly happy with myself. I'm around 5'6" and somewhere between 140-150 pounds, and I don't feel fat. But my mom is constantly telling me that I am, or, at least, that I'm going to be. She forces me to go to exercise classes because I don't like many sports, tries making me go on diets, but I don't want to. She tells me that if I continue the way I am, having an extra cookie once in a while and only eating cereal for breakfast, that I'll end up fat, and she makes sure to emphasize how horrible that is for a person to live with. She rolls her eyes and sighs whenever she sees me getting a snack, and just in general makes me feel awful for eating the things I like and for relaxing. I've told her that I don't want to do these things and that she makes me feel bad when she says things like that, but she swears it's for my own good and that I should never want to be fat, that it ruins people's lives. How should I deal with this?
    reply 1 day
    drowning
    drowning posted in Friends:
    "NS12" wrote: I meet this guy at a festival and we have been talking for the whole week and my mum has noticed I keep texting someone and I know I need to tell her but I don t know how I am going to tell her, I doubt she ll get angry or anything but he lives about 4/5 hours away from me. I know I need to tell her as I don t like keeping secrets from her. I know this was a bit ago, but I truly hope that you were able to be open with your mother. If you feel as if they won't get mad at you, then chances are that your guardian will not. Honesty is the best policy, and if you feel guilt keeping a secret, then it is one you probably shouldn't be keeping.
    reply 2 days
    drowning
    I agree with @rainbowpoptart. You really shouldn't worry about relationships that much given your age. I promise, they're better things to worry about than boys and more secure romances occur later on in life anyways. But, given the situation, you shouldn't worry about either. The boy is unfaithful and so is your friend. If your best friend really valued your friendship, she would not have put it in a position that could end it. Don't waste your time on those who will not put you first just as you do for them; better people will come into your life and they are the ones who you should really worry about.
    reply 2 days