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Dear Dish-It: Dealing With Anger

Dear Dish-it,

I get mad a lot but I don't know how to help it. All my friends think I'm weird because I yell a lot. What do I do?

coolgirl2010

I'm So Mad!I'm So Mad!

Dear coolgirl2010,

Everyone gets angry. Anger can even be a good thing. When kids are treated unfairly, anger can help them stand up for themselves. The hard part is learning what to do with these strong feelings.

What Is Anger?

You have lots of emotions. At different times, you may be happy, sad, or jealous. Anger is just another way we feel. It's perfectly OK to be angry at times — in fact, it's important to get angry sometimes. But anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise you'll be like a pot of boiling water with the lid left on. If the steam doesn't escape, the water will finally boil over and blow its top! When that happens to you, it's no fun for anyone.

What Makes You Angry?

You may get angry when something doesn't go your way. Maybe you get mad at yourself when you don't understand your homework or when your team loses an important game. When you have a hard time reaching a goal you might become frustrated. That frustration can lead to anger. Kids who tease you or call you names can make you angry. Or you might get angry with your parents if you think one of their rules is unfair. Worst of all is when you are blamed for something you didn't do. But it's also possible to get angry and not even know why.

How Can You Tell When You're Angry?

There are different ways people feel anger. Usually your body will tell you when you are angry. Are you breathing faster? Is your face bright red? Are your muscles tense and your fists clenched tight? Do you want to break something or hit someone? [kwlink ]Anger can make you [kwlink ]yell or scream at those around you, even people you like or love. Some people keep their anger buried deep inside. If you do this, you might get a headache or your stomach might start to hurt. You may just feel crummy about yourself or start to cry. It's not good to hide your anger, so you should find a way to let it out without hurting yourself or others.

What To Do If You Get Angry

Don't lose control if you get angry. Taking it out on others never solves anything. Instead, admit to yourself that you are angry and try to figure out why. What can you do to keep the situation from happening again? If your little sister gets a toy and you don't, it's not OK to break that toy. Maybe you can ask her to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard, don't rip up your notebook. Ask your teacher or a parent for help instead. It helps to talk about your anger with an adult, such as a parent, teacher, or relative. Once you talk about anger, those bad feelings usually start to go away.

Here are some other things you can do when you start to feel angry:

  • talk to a friend you can trust
  • count to 10
  • get or give a hug
  • do jumping jacks or another exercise
  • draw a picture of your anger
  • play a video game
  • run around the outside of the house five times as fast as you can
  • sing along with the stereo
  • pull weeds in the garden
  • think good thoughts (maybe about a fun vacation or your favorite sport)
  • go for a bike ride, go skateboarding, play basketball — do something active!

 

Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that how you act when you're angry can make the situation better or worse. Don't let anger be the boss of you. Take charge of it!

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Poll

What Do You Do When You're Angry?

  • Beat up my younger brother or sister.
  • Let it build up until I have a complete meltdown.
  • Stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs.
  • Take a deep breath and try to relax.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

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Hello! I'm in need of urgent advice. The guy I have a crush on and I were best friends around two years ago. Somebody told him that I like him, and now he avoids me like the plague... I really just want to be friends with him again even if he doesn't like me back. What should I do? I'm quite an awkward girl, and I can't make conversation for the life of me. We're going into seventh grade, and I haven't talked to him nor seen him all summer. Please help!
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 [s:p/1s1e] :thumbsup :angel Hey people its lssy, i have been struggling with helping my best friends with there parents that are violently fitting and where just lost and so confused . im trying so hard to keep up everybody's mood up .i just want them to be positive even though its hard i want them to realize that there are pros and cons to this . so all people out there maybe going through things like this just know there are a billion kids like u out there so when we grow up lets be nothing like our parents, lets be there better version, lets be our better version.! PS: what are somethings i can do to help them out????
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orlibird
I totally feel the same way. The one guy I thought was interested friend-zoned me, so I've been kind of closed to relationships. One thing I've learned is not to jump into a relationship just because everyone else is. Just think, in 20 years they'll have all these bad memories of their many relationships, and you'll learn from their mistakes. Wanting to be in a relationship doesn't make you desperate either. You just feel a little left out. Trust me, I've been there. Don't feel alone. Being single, well, sucks, but don't worry, we've got your back, and I just know there's someone out there waiting to meet you.
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