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Dear Dish-It: Dealing With Anger

Dear Dish-it,

I get mad a lot but I don't know how to help it. All my friends think I'm weird because I yell a lot. What do I do?


Dear coolgirl2010,

Everyone gets angry. Anger can even be a good thing. When kids are treated unfairly, anger can help them stand up for themselves. The hard part is learning what to do with these strong feelings.

What Is Anger?

You have lots of emotions. At different times, you may be happy, sad, or jealous. Anger is just another way we feel. It's perfectly OK to be angry at times — in fact, it's important to get angry sometimes. But anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise you'll be like a pot of boiling water with the lid left on. If the steam doesn't escape, the water will finally boil over and blow its top! When that happens to you, it's no fun for anyone.

What Makes You Angry?

You may get angry when something doesn't go your way. Maybe you get mad at yourself when you don't understand your homework or when your team loses an important game. When you have a hard time reaching a goal you might become frustrated. That frustration can lead to anger. Kids who tease you or call you names can make you angry. Or you might get angry with your parents if you think one of their rules is unfair. Worst of all is when you are blamed for something you didn't do. But it's also possible to get angry and not even know why.

How Can You Tell When You're Angry?

There are different ways people feel anger. Usually your body will tell you when you are angry. Are you breathing faster? Is your face bright red? Are your muscles tense and your fists clenched tight? Do you want to break something or hit someone? [kwlink ]Anger can make you [kwlink ]yell or scream at those around you, even people you like or love. Some people keep their anger buried deep inside. If you do this, you might get a headache or your stomach might start to hurt. You may just feel crummy about yourself or start to cry. It's not good to hide your anger, so you should find a way to let it out without hurting yourself or others.

What To Do If You Get Angry

Don't lose control if you get angry. Taking it out on others never solves anything. Instead, admit to yourself that you are angry and try to figure out why. What can you do to keep the situation from happening again? If your little sister gets a toy and you don't, it's not OK to break that toy. Maybe you can ask her to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard, don't rip up your notebook. Ask your teacher or a parent for help instead. It helps to talk about your anger with an adult, such as a parent, teacher, or relative. Once you talk about anger, those bad feelings usually start to go away.

Here are some other things you can do when you start to feel angry:

  • talk to a friend you can trust
  • count to 10
  • get or give a hug
  • do jumping jacks or another exercise
  • draw a picture of your anger
  • play a video game
  • run around the outside of the house five times as fast as you can
  • sing along with the stereo
  • pull weeds in the garden
  • think good thoughts (maybe about a fun vacation or your favorite sport)
  • go for a bike ride, go skateboarding, play basketball — do something active!

Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that how you act when you're angry can make the situation better or worse. Don't let anger be the boss of you. Take charge of it!

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What Do You Do When You're Angry?

  • Beat up my younger brother or sister.
  • Let it build up until I have a complete meltdown.
  • Stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs.
  • Take a deep breath and try to relax.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

bluehawk posted in Friends:
You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. Keep powering through it and stay strong. 
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hello dish-it i hope i not bothering you.im rita im 16 year old and i have autism.i get bullyed a lot. this has been happening online.this girl said that i was crazy and that freddie mercury (queen lead singer) wouldnt love me cause i have autism.i am queen and freddie mercury's #1 fan.the girl said no body would believe me and it made me so upset i had a autistic meltdown.what do i do,please help.   That person what said that to you is the mean bully and she doesnt deserve your emotions.  I feels sorry for that girl that she has to make herself feel better by being nasty.  Gosh. If it was me I would say thank you very much for saying what you think and say thankfully I doesnt care what your sorry little opinions is.  The turn around and walk away and dont look back. You has the beautiful personality  and your loved.
reply about 19 hours
hugebear posted in Friends:
I agrees with Kirsten and what does he say when he gives you the presents?
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XxIHateMathxX posted in Friends:
I've been there but I was lucky. This girl Amelia invited me to sit with her and her friends ................ Yeahbutnowshe'signoringallthetimeandsometimesblowsmeofftohangoutwiththisothernewgirldaniela andthenifoundoutshewasjustfakefriendingme Whatever. You could just try to say hi to someone who looks nice. Although I know how hard it is.
reply 1 day
XxIHateMathxX posted in Friends:
Tell that girl that she looks so horrible she makes roadkill look beautiful. Clap your hands really loud with nobody looking and then say "HEY WHY'D YOU HIT ME?" (Don't thank me thank Diary of a Wimpy Kid) Tell someone. Tell a teacher or somebody Or ignore that excuse for a person and get on with your life without her I mean, it.
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