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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?


Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!



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What would be your biggest turnoff in a boyfriend?

  • He does drugs.
  • He picks his nose.
  • He gets jealous when I talk to other guys.
  • He lies to me.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

Write an anonymous note. And tell him to put it somewhere that only you can get it back to see what he says.
reply about 5 hours
hey, i got a question, how would you get over a major mess-up, then try to act attractive, so you would still have a chance at maybe making a relationship with your crush.
reply about 6 hours
Ok, so how would you tell a crush you like them without them knowing it's you?
reply about 10 hours
drowning posted in Friends:
I've been there when I was still in school. I don't personally have many friends now that I'm graduated, but that's more because the people here aren't worth being friends with. Off topic, my bad- Anyways, just try being a nice person. Sit with the other kid that's alone during lunch, find someone who needs someone to talk too, be open. I realize this can be difficult to do if you're shy, believe me, I've been there as well. Just remember that you need to stay yourself. I've lost friends because they turned out to be someone totally different than how they made themselves out to be. It's not worth it to pretend you're someone else. If it doesn't happen naturally after a little while, then you just have to keep in mind that it's your turn to put yourself out there. Remember that, "hey, I put myself out there and I made a friend, that's pretty cool." But, also remember that, "hey, I put myself out there and I didn't make a friend, that's pretty okay too." If you put yourself out there and someone doesn't accept it, then that's okay. It just means they weren't meant to be your friend and someone else will come along much better for you.
reply about 15 hours
Powerslave posted in Friends:
If most people from this generation don't want to be friends with you, you are doing something right.
reply about 15 hours