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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?

Controlled

Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

158 Comments

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

hugebear
hugebear posted in Friends:
Im sorry that you has such friends that seems to enjoy entertaining themselves by being mean to you.  They is just people that you hangs out with cos you says you hasnt anyone else to hang out with.... not friends.  I doesnt think you should think of them as friends either and then its gonna be easier to move on. Is there any way you can hang out with other people by eg [what other posters said] taking up the new activities? And you has friends on KW :) :D
reply about 1 hour
-Gwen9--
-Gwen9-- posted in Friends:
If they call you fat and stupid, they are not your friends. Your so called 'friends' are just using you. You need to find your truest friends. Clearly, they are not your truest friends.
reply about 1 hour
PrincessAmelia
PrincessAmelia posted in Style:
Normally just a hairband or clips on the either side of my side divided hair.
reply about 6 hours
PrincessAmelia
PrincessAmelia posted in Friends:
Society will not be soft to you always, just because YOU are soft. You must have a strong background. Also they are not your friends. You know what they are doing to you?They are packing a gift box looking all attractive (friendship) and filled with hurt ...like Pandora's box.  Just move on. Be alone n discover more of the world. Or just make new friends.I was in a state like you some months back. Now I moved on n I have 3 best friends. That time I thought too that they r my only friends. You will not find the world until you set out for the world.
reply about 6 hours
disney princess
They are not your friends, really. You should leave them and move on. This might sound difficult, but being alone is better than being with an untrue friend. You'll make better friends soon, anyway. Plus, WE are here for you! :D
reply about 7 hours

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