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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?

Controlled

Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

158 Comments

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
I'm an older sister to a 13 year old brother. Neither of us really agree on much, either. I prefer this, he prefers that. I prefer that, he prefers this. It's natural regarding age differences. Even just a years worth can hold plenty. It's best to meet in the middle with things. Like, my brother and I for instance don't really agree on anything. But, it's good to meet somewhere with things to do together whether its agreeing on a movie to watch or playing a video-game together. Even drawing or helping each other out with something. Just keep in mind, when it comes to this, you won't always want to do what they want.
reply about 14 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
I understand this situation. Personally, you can tell your sister if you're completely sure on what happen. But, make sure she stays quiet about it until you both come to an agreement on when you should confront your parents about what you saw.
reply about 14 hours
Sophieex_
Posts: 21 3 minutes ago I think I'm bi, too. And thanks for the words of wisdom @rainbowpoptart 
reply about 18 hours
Sophieex_
Here's something to think about @IlikeGUYS20, I can say this about myself, and I'm sure, from this post, you'd agree. I'd love to have a girlfriend, and I'd also love to have a boyfriend. I'd be open to date any gender that my romantic partner would claim. We should just see what makes us happy before we label ourselves. Thanks! :)Have a wonderful day!:rainbow ❤
reply about 18 hours
rainbowpoptart
You should grow comfortable with yourself before you come out. If you're not certain if you are indeed bi, then you shouldn't slap that label on yourself yet. Take some time to really think about how you feel, but don't worry too much about it. Your sexuality isn't everything. You have plenty of time to discover yourself as person. Don't rush it.
reply 1 day