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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?

Controlled

Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

GirlyDiva15

GirlyDiva15 wrote:

thts true shyanne101
commented: Fri Apr 11, 2014

shyanne101

shyanne101 wrote:

A real man won't treat no woman that way. He will love her and treat her with respect
commented: Fri Apr 11, 2014

demonangle15

demonangle15 wrote:

my guy better not do that and he knows this and i know how she feels i went thought the...
commented: Fri Apr 11, 2014

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

SelenaGomezFanGirl
...im not too sure what the brown stuff is,but since you said you have not done it,you should trust yourself.And talk about it to your mom!I'm sure she will give you the best of advices and stuff because she would have probably experienced it before.So,don't be afraid,and approach her when she's vacant!Good Luck!
reply about 4 hours
SelenaGomezFanGirl
no you shouldn't!I bet, the friends that are pressuring you are girls only because they are jealous of your girl,because of her personality and style,and probably, most likely that they wanna be your girlfriend as well! ~~comment me back if you like!:)                                                          
reply about 4 hours
OptimisticJollygirl
You are perfect the way you are.
reply about 8 hours
InternetOwl
InternetOwl posted in Friends:
I'm not sure whether you have actual depression or not (Ask your doctor if you feel you do, they'll be able to help. ^^), but I'm really sorry you feel depressed. I've been there too, and it really does feel like no one cares.   I know you said it's awkward, but try talking to your dad about it. You said he's the only one who seems to listen, so I'm sure he will listen and try to understand. If you start feeling really depressed every day, try doing things to make you feel happier. I don't know what you like to do, but you should do things like relaxing, reading, talking to people and spending more time outside. Smiling more often can help relieve stress and make you happier as well. c: Try meeting new people too. It seems as though your current friends are bringing you down, so you can try to talk to them if you like or find more friends who'll listen and care about you (however, try to keep your old friends as well. They are your friends after all, and it's hard being lonely). You've got friends on here too. But please don't think about doing anything harmful to yourself. You might not be thinking like that now, but being depressed can lead people to this and it's really not the answer.  Good luck! ^u^  
reply about 12 hours
FloraTheWolf
FloraTheWolf posted in Friends:
And you can add me as a friend if you want :D
reply about 13 hours

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