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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?

Controlled

Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

heavyd612

heavyd612 wrote:

frfr gurl dont trip tell him to back off he doesn't have to have to worry talk to him i...
commented: Thu Sep 11, 2014

JezzyJ

JezzyJ wrote:

Pfft Idc wut a girl does long as she only loves me forever if I had a gf
commented: Thu Sep 11, 2014

Breanna_777

Breanna_777 wrote:

I'm used to hanging out with mainly guys..& My boyfriend hates it.. is it wrong tha...
commented: Thu Sep 11, 2014

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

CarnivalDay
"Kirsteeeeen" wrote:I think you should go. It might be difficult but you never know. You might find something to talk about with his fiance and find a way to talk to her! Or you could be more social with other family. The only way to beat being unsocial in big groups is to put yourself into the situation and learn. You could actually have a great time :)Just relax, be yourself. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves so ask lots. It'll keep conversation going and you'll learn about possible later conversation topics. Also smile and be friendly. Make small talk. Remember you're there to celebrate a happy time in someone's life. You might not like it but it's their big day, one of the biggest in their life. And your dad and sister are going so you could always stick around them if socializing doesn't work. Sorry for late reply! ^-^ Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Problem is, only my sister has anything to wear and my dad is fretting over something that will match, but I think that was just sorted out. I'm picky over what to wear and I'm not aloud to wear boots or leggings, which I practically live in. Though I'm probably only going to stay for a few hours since the dog's not able to go to the kennel right now. 
reply about 1 hour
GirLovesPiggy
GirLovesPiggy posted in Friends:
This thread has been moved. Click here to see the new thread.
reply about 7 hours
AlphaT
AlphaT posted in Style:
Wear bigger clothes. Heck, I wear a 2-3 X
reply about 17 hours
DisneyanimeLover
"ThunderSpirit" wrote:Wow. We have more in common than I thought.I had the same problem [except she was a little less mean] and this is the advice I was given. Don't exactly go up to her and say, "I don't wanna be friends," because although she is mean, she still might be hurt. Just don't really make it official, but slowly drift apart from her. Try to meet new people, maybe there's someone great you just haven't met yet. And maybe she's having problems of her own, not like that's an excuse. But in the end, if she does apologize to you, she might be a friend worth keeping, but those insults were pretty serious, not something best friends would do, and you probably wouldn't forgive her. I get that. Thanks for the good advice! I don`t see her often so drifting away is the smartest idea. Although I see her at family parties and stuff cause she is a family friend. I`ll try and drift away from her. If she gets better at being kind I`ll be her friend again most likely. Thanks! 
reply about 20 hours
ThunderSpirit
ThunderSpirit posted in Friends:
Wow. We have more in common than I thought. I had the same problem [except she was a little less mean] and this is the advice I was given. Don't exactly go up to her and say, "I don't wanna be friends," because although she is mean, she still might be hurt. Just don't really make it official, but slowly drift apart from her. Try to meet new people, maybe there's someone great you just haven't met yet. And maybe she's having problems of her own, not like that's an excuse. But in the end, if she does apologize to you, she might be a friend worth keeping, but those insults were pretty serious, not something best friends would do, and you probably wouldn't forgive her. I get that.
reply about 20 hours

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