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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?

Controlled

Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

158 Comments

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

EndlessDream
EndlessDream posted in Style:
You need breakfast and lunch. Starving yourself, even if you aren't hungry, makes you loose energy to the point you could pass out from not eating. Keep your diet healthy. For breakfast, at least have yogurt, fruit, and juice. Drink at least 4 full glasses of water a day. Trim down on the snacks. Everyone has different bodies and build. You may just be large-boned. And that's not bad! That makes you stronger and higher ability to gain muscle. Loosing weight doesn't happen over night. It can take months. 
reply about 7 hours
Nekogirl101
Nekogirl101 posted in Style:
For years my parents would tell me I'm skinny but compared to other people, my waist was bigger and I would always hide it. Though it was obvious I weighed more, I've only been doing this for a week and I didn't ever tell anyone what I was doing until my parents found out. I would skip lunch and breakfast and say I was full. I only ate a big dinner every night. Once my parents found out, they said it was unhealthy and if I didn't  stop, I would develop an eating disorder. I obviously listened to them, but I've tried as best as I can so far. I have barely lost any weight from exercise and my parents won't let me go on a diet because I already 'eat healthy enough'. I want to lose weight without exercising being 3/4s of my lifestyle. I know, I'm a lazy idiot for saying all this.
reply about 8 hours
rainbowpoptart
Yes, purely for the fact that you should not "hate" your sister (or anyone, for that matter).  I'm guessing by "get in trouble for her", you mean she does something wrong and the blame is all put on you? Yeah, little siblings tend to do that a lot. My brother did for the longest time, until my parents found out how much a liar he is. She, hopefully, will grow out of this eventually. Either that, or your parent[s]/guardian[s] will eventually see through her. You lose your friends to her? By this do you mean your friends want to hang out with her and they want you to tag along and you don't? Or do you mean your friends chose your sister over you? If it's the latter, then perhaps you shouldn't have ever referred to those people as friends. You'll find friends who'll prefer you over your sister, I'm sure of it. The only thing I can tell you to do is try to get along with your sister. Every group of siblings has their cats and dogs moment in life, but they grow out of it (most of the time; there are, of course, circumstances where it doesn't work out that way). Please be grateful for your sister, even if you two fight a lot. You never know how much you need something until it's gone.
reply 1 day
liddielover
i hate my little sister because i get introuble for her and lose my friends to her.is that wrong?
reply 1 day
skylar245
skylar245 posted in Friends:
"rainbowpoptart" wrote: "skylar245" wrote: Teacher said to wait for the Bus Driver and the counselor, she just talks to me and doesn't tell The Princible Then maybe try telling the principal yourself, and you should also report that the driver, teacher, and counselor haven't done anything to help you. If that fails, tell another trusted adult, like your mother. I'm sure someone you're close to would do their best to get justice. This is a major problem and it's a shame no one's done anything to help. ​No one listens to me anyway but my friends
reply 3 days