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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?

Controlled

Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

158 Comments

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

Kirsteeeeen
This thread has been moved. Click here to see the new thread.
reply about 24 hours
Isabellax
@nrfvltmrdftw06  :p :p
reply 1 day
nrfrvltmrdftw06
 @isabellax same
reply 1 day
Ashleexo
Ashleexo posted in Family Issues:
"Sophieex_" wrote:I'm not afraid of either of my parents. But if I could choose, my mom. I'm also not afraid of either of my parents at anytime.  But when I was 13 and under and in trouble, it would be my dad.
reply 1 day
country_girl19
If you really want to get rid of the romantic feelings for him, just try picturing a future with him, and also asking these questions in your head, "Is he a good guy?" "Would we last?" But maybe he's acting awkward around you, because your friend asked him to Prom, but he might rather go with you, but doesn't know how to say anything about the situation. I would suggest talking to him about it, and if he is a jerk about it, don't bother. But talk to him first, and if he has the same feelings, then talk to your friend about it. I just want to warn you, that if you do this, you and others could get their feelings hurt. Crushes are a risky, scary thing in high school. Anyway, that's what I think you should do. If you don't want to do that, then follow what your intuition tells you.
reply 2 days