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Dear Dish-it: Is My Boyfriend Too Controlling?

Jan 17, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My boyfriend won't let me walk to lunch with my friends or dance with other guys at school dances, and I'm not even a flirt. Is this normal? Or is he too controlling?

Controlled

Dear Controlled,

I don't know the whole story, of course, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is being a bit too controlling. There's a give and take when it comes to relationships. If he's not comfortable with you dancing with other guys at school dances  you should ask him why. Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might fall for a different guy. If you two haven't been together very long, maybe you should show him how much you care about him by respecting his wishes and only dancing with him. Over time, you'll build more trust, and maybe then you can revisit the issue.

Don't Alienate You Friends

As for walking with your friends to lunch, that's a different story. It's unreasonable of him to deny you that. You need to be able to spend time with your friends too. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're together 24/7 and wind up alienating your friendsWhy not try alternating days: one day you can walk with him, and the next day you can walk with your friends? Compromise is part of a good relationship, and he needs to understand that.

Be Your Own Person

Please don't let your boyfriend treat you like a parent  You say that "he won't let you" do things. Well, you're your own person. He doesn't get to make those decisions for you. If he has a concern, he should talk to you about it like an equal instead of trying to control you. If he continues to do this, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Not only that, but maybe he needs to take some time and reassess what it really means to be in a relationship.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Controlled? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

kittenkid
First: WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T KILL YOUSELF! When you get past this you'll be glad. Well, this is just my opinion, but I think you should first find someone, anyone, even if you don't trust them, if there're your parents talk to them about it. I bet a bunch of people have already told you this but there're right. Before you walk up to them, write down what you're going to say and then think of a few questions they might ask and write down the answers to them. Remember to tell them that it might take you a minute to think of an answer. Before you answer, think of the exact words you will say  before you say anything, and think in your mind about it. Think about wether it is a lie or not before you say it. If it gets out of you mouth before you realize it is a lie, don't be afraid to say so and just say the truth. Also, just try to find something you like to do that will take your mind off everything. If you really can't think of anything, try just practicing saying your feelings to yourself, or a pillow or something.  Hope this helps!
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i need help.   i have really bad anxiety and im depressed all the time.   i dont have anyone that im close to.  its just hard for me to trust people      im really bad at comveying my feelings    id ask someone for help but as i said i dont really get close to anyone     i almost never talk and when i do i say few words and act happy    i also compulively lie so no one knows what im really feeling  i cant express my feelings        i dont have anyone that i trust and its really hard       i thought about killing myself but im afraid to die so i never do anything      since i cant ask anyone in real life im hoping that someone on here can help me           i dont have any interests and im depressed and its almost impossible for me to tell people about it      what do i do?
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-Karpov- posted in Friends:
It's normal to feel jealousy, and it's not really too bad a thing unless you let it get to you and cause problems. I get jealous as hell but I try to avoid letting it affect the way I hold a conversation, for example. 
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SydneyWavsYou posted in Friends:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a week now (It's a week today ♥) and I've noticed how Jealous I get... I trust him, but I don't trust girls... Is that a bad thing? He's my first actual boyfriend so I'm not use to this. 
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