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Dear Dish-it: How Do I Gain Self Confidence?

Jan 24, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I’ve been nice to people all my life and all they’ve done is take advantage of me and hurt me. Some have broken my heart. I’m tired of living with low self-esteem and playing the victim all my life. How can I gain self confidence?

Pushover

Dear Pushover,

Confidence is something you need to find within yourself. Being nice to people all your life was not a mistake. Truly confident people are kind hearted and generous. But there is such a thing as being too nice. You still need to stand up for your values and opinions and not let people walk all over you. You don’t have to be rude or mean in order to do this.

Physical Ways to Improve Your Confidence

There are ways you can improve your confidence by changing how others perceive you. Start by dressing well. I don’t mean go out and buy expensive designer brands. Just look polished, meaning no sweats, no clashing pieces and absolutely no overly revealing clothes. Clothes say a lot about you, and wearing outfits that are revealing suggests that you’re overcompensating for something else…such as your lack of confidence. Also, fix your posture. Standing taller will change how people look at you, but strangely enough, it will also help you feel better about yourself.

Mental Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Gratitude is probably the best way to improve your confidence. Stop worrying about superficial concerns, like how popular, stylish, and skinny you are and all the things you want want want, and start focusing on the things you have. What are you grateful for? Show or tell the quality people in your life how much they mean to you. And think about how you can give back, whether it’s through volunteer work or simply by offering someone a genuine compliment.

Verbal Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Speak up about things that matter to you. Don’t stay quiet or be a pushover just so people will like you. Doing that may make people like you, but they won’t respect you. Start by participating in class discussions, just to get used to the idea. Volunteer answers. It’s a great confidence booster when you get an answer right. And if you get it wrong, who cares? That will help you build a thick skin.

Love Yourself

Above all, just remember to love yourself. No matter what you look like or what extracurricular activities you participate in or what your passions are or who your friends are, know that you are every bit as wonderful and valuable as everyone else.  

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Pushover? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

49 Comments

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How Self-Confident Are You?

  • I love myself, totally!
  • I am down with me, but there's always room for improvement.
  • So what if I don't fit in? Uniqueness is where it's at, baby!
  • I'd give anything to be someone else.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

SimplyAda
I can relate very much.  :e  It happens a lot. But here's one thing, try not to date. At my middle school, everyone literally dates everybody and relationships never last. Part of the reason is that most of us aren't in that mature phase yet (mostly boys). As the days go by, we're growing. But, it's completely normal to have a crush on a boy. :) :thumbsup
reply 18 minutes
SmartSunnyShadow
Sorry for the late reply, but I'd love to help. If they don't want to talk to you, or don't like your jokes, don't talk to them. They probably don't like you, so you shouldn't try to make it better. You should hang out with your other friends. They'll make you feel better about yourself. If you don't have any friends in your class...that's the problem.  That's exactly what happened to me last year. But I started hanging out with the guys more, and they were really nice and had a lot in common with me. Maybe the guys will be nice to you and accept you. I hope I helped you. :)   
reply about 7 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
Aw, that's sad. I know this is a late review, but I would love to help you make new friends. There are kids that do nasty things at every single school, trust me, you'll never find a perfect school, and if people are reporting this form of bullying, teachers are probably supervising children more, so don't worry about that. :) Now making new friends, ahh, that's very difficult. I can be shy myself, but it honestly depends. What I usually do is observe different groups of people, and see how they interact with each other. If the person seems nice, wait until the time is appropriate and greet them. A friendly "Hi, I'm new, could you maybe show me around, or help me with this, or tell me about this school?" That will start off a conversation. :)  As well, I tend to make jokes, or go to my funny side. I usually make way more friends that way. You could try to make slight jokes, and gradually make them less implied and more clear as you joke around.  If there are any other new kids, or shy kids, definitely talk to them. If there are any kids that look lonely, or sad, maybe take some time to approach them. If they look like the want to be left alone, leave them alone. If you're not sure, it's best if you see someone else interact with them first.  If you're bisexual, that doesn't really matter, and don't bring that fact up in a conversation. That's kind of personal, and when you get a little closer, you can say that. It's not really important, and necessary for people to know that. And it's personal too. So don't bring that up unless you really want to.  I hope i helped you! Sorry for the late advice. >_< 
reply about 7 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
Several people are having the same problem as you. Whether they're the same gender or not, many people crush on some of their closest friends. So don't feel alone, remember that. I know this is some late advice, but I hope so far things are going good. Many people are feeling the urge of confessing like you. Yes, I think you should confess to her clearly, but when the time is right. She may not like you, but if you really really like her, you should absolutely confess to her. But be aware that confessing to one of your friends can ruin your friendship. You have to be cautious, confess when the time is right. 5 months may be long for you, but honestly, that's a short-term crush. Don't rush your confession, and don't give up unless you think you should. Getting over someone can be incredibly hard too, but you're either going to get over her, or confess to her. When the time is right, confess. When the time never seems to come, I'm sorry, but unfortunately, I think it's best if you get over her, because you have to be 100% sure before you confess to someone. You're risking your friendship to, so think if it's really worth it.  I hope I helped you. :) 
reply about 7 hours
vwala_12
vwala_12 posted in Friends:
I guess I mean I have been in a lot of drama since the school year started I also recommend if the bullying gets worst tell someone and don’t just walk away it will be worst if you do and if there gonna beat you up just run and tell a teacher or tell your parent so always keep alert!
reply about 8 hours