Dear Dish-it: How Do I Gain Self Confidence?

Jan 24, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I’ve been nice to people all my life and all they’ve done is take advantage of me and hurt me. Some have broken my heart. I’m tired of living with low self-esteem and playing the victim all my life. How can I gain self confidence?


Dear Pushover,

Confidence is something you need to find within yourself. Being nice to people all your life was not a mistake. Truly confident people are kind hearted and generous. But there is such a thing as being too nice. You still need to stand up for your values and opinions and not let people walk all over you. You don’t have to be rude or mean in order to do this.

Physical Ways to Improve Your Confidence

There are ways you can improve your confidence by changing how others perceive you. Start by dressing well. I don’t mean go out and buy expensive designer brands. Just look polished, meaning no sweats, no clashing pieces and absolutely no overly revealing clothes. Clothes say a lot about you, and wearing outfits that are revealing suggests that you’re overcompensating for something else…such as your lack of confidence. Also, fix your posture. Standing taller will change how people look at you, but strangely enough, it will also help you feel better about yourself.

Mental Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Gratitude is probably the best way to improve your confidence. Stop worrying about superficial concerns, like how popular, stylish, and skinny you are and all the things you want want want, and start focusing on the things you have. What are you grateful for? Show or tell the quality people in your life how much they mean to you. And think about how you can give back, whether it’s through volunteer work or simply by offering someone a genuine compliment.

Verbal Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Speak up about things that matter to you. Don’t stay quiet or be a pushover just so people will like you. Doing that may make people like you, but they won’t respect you. Start by participating in class discussions, just to get used to the idea. Volunteer answers. It’s a great confidence booster when you get an answer right. And if you get it wrong, who cares? That will help you build a thick skin.

Love Yourself

Above all, just remember to love yourself. No matter what you look like or what extracurricular activities you participate in or what your passions are or who your friends are, know that you are every bit as wonderful and valuable as everyone else.  

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Pushover? Tell us in our comment section below!



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Dear Dish-It in the forums

simran88 posted in Friends:
"donteatcarrots" wrote:they're not your friends if they want you to be something that you're not.^^^^^ this
reply 38 minutes
simran88 posted in Friends:
Tbh, your mom is kinda, you know, right about it. I mean, net is not as safe as we think it is. All I can tell you is that don't talk about her in front of your mom and don't give your friend any personal details about you. 
reply about 1 hour
simran88 posted in Friends:
I am sorry for what you are going through. I feel that it is time for you to find new friends - true friends. Try finding friends with same interests as you. You'll have more things to talk about that way. I hope things get better with you and your friends.
reply about 1 hour
I'm 12 years old, and for some reason I'm always sad. I got a gold medal in my gym, and I just started crying, but I wasn't crying because I was happy. I just don't enjoy anything I used to. My mum does know but she says it's a phase. It isn't. I just started high school, but I don't have any new friends yet and all the popular girls pick on me and call me a loner :-( I hate school. I like the actual lessons but I don't like the social side of it. There are lots of clubs on at lunch that I want to go to but I'm too scared to go to any. I have been to one , science club but everyone was staring at me the whole time (I don't know why, and frankly I don't care, I just want them not to). Any advice would be appreciated.
reply about 2 hours
EndlessDream posted in Style:
I'm hoping to get my ears pierced, though I don't have the time or money to do it at the moment. Hopefully soon, though.
reply about 6 hours

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