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Dear Dish-it: How Do I Gain Self Confidence?

Jan 24, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I’ve been nice to people all my life and all they’ve done is take advantage of me and hurt me. Some have broken my heart. I’m tired of living with low self-esteem and playing the victim all my life. How can I gain self confidence?

Pushover

Dear Pushover,

Confidence is something you need to find within yourself. Being nice to people all your life was not a mistake. Truly confident people are kind hearted and generous. But there is such a thing as being too nice. You still need to stand up for your values and opinions and not let people walk all over you. You don’t have to be rude or mean in order to do this.

Physical Ways to Improve Your Confidence

There are ways you can improve your confidence by changing how others perceive you. Start by dressing well. I don’t mean go out and buy expensive designer brands. Just look polished, meaning no sweats, no clashing pieces and absolutely no overly revealing clothes. Clothes say a lot about you, and wearing outfits that are revealing suggests that you’re overcompensating for something else…such as your lack of confidence. Also, fix your posture. Standing taller will change how people look at you, but strangely enough, it will also help you feel better about yourself.

Mental Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Gratitude is probably the best way to improve your confidence. Stop worrying about superficial concerns, like how popular, stylish, and skinny you are and all the things you want want want, and start focusing on the things you have. What are you grateful for? Show or tell the quality people in your life how much they mean to you. And think about how you can give back, whether it’s through volunteer work or simply by offering someone a genuine compliment.

Verbal Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Speak up about things that matter to you. Don’t stay quiet or be a pushover just so people will like you. Doing that may make people like you, but they won’t respect you. Start by participating in class discussions, just to get used to the idea. Volunteer answers. It’s a great confidence booster when you get an answer right. And if you get it wrong, who cares? That will help you build a thick skin.

Love Yourself

Above all, just remember to love yourself. No matter what you look like or what extracurricular activities you participate in or what your passions are or who your friends are, know that you are every bit as wonderful and valuable as everyone else.  

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Pushover? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

JesseWesse

JesseWesse wrote:

Wish I had confidence in performing
commented: Sun Apr 13, 2014

masterblaster123
Yes that may be true but the fact of the matter is nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaw...
commented: Fri Nov 29, 2013

masterblaster123
you except the love and respect you think you deserve. Maybe the love and respect you t...
commented: Fri Nov 29, 2013

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

CarnivalDay
"Kirsteeeeen" wrote:I think you should go. It might be difficult but you never know. You might find something to talk about with his fiance and find a way to talk to her! Or you could be more social with other family. The only way to beat being unsocial in big groups is to put yourself into the situation and learn. You could actually have a great time :)Just relax, be yourself. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves so ask lots. It'll keep conversation going and you'll learn about possible later conversation topics. Also smile and be friendly. Make small talk. Remember you're there to celebrate a happy time in someone's life. You might not like it but it's their big day, one of the biggest in their life. And your dad and sister are going so you could always stick around them if socializing doesn't work. Sorry for late reply! ^-^ Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Problem is, only my sister has anything to wear and my dad is fretting over something that will match, but I think that was just sorted out. I'm picky over what to wear and I'm not aloud to wear boots or leggings, which I practically live in. Though I'm probably only going to stay for a few hours since the dog's not able to go to the kennel right now. 
reply about 1 hour
GirLovesPiggy
GirLovesPiggy posted in Friends:
This thread has been moved. Click here to see the new thread.
reply about 7 hours
AlphaT
AlphaT posted in Style:
Wear bigger clothes. Heck, I wear a 2-3 X
reply about 17 hours
DisneyanimeLover
"ThunderSpirit" wrote:Wow. We have more in common than I thought.I had the same problem [except she was a little less mean] and this is the advice I was given. Don't exactly go up to her and say, "I don't wanna be friends," because although she is mean, she still might be hurt. Just don't really make it official, but slowly drift apart from her. Try to meet new people, maybe there's someone great you just haven't met yet. And maybe she's having problems of her own, not like that's an excuse. But in the end, if she does apologize to you, she might be a friend worth keeping, but those insults were pretty serious, not something best friends would do, and you probably wouldn't forgive her. I get that. Thanks for the good advice! I don`t see her often so drifting away is the smartest idea. Although I see her at family parties and stuff cause she is a family friend. I`ll try and drift away from her. If she gets better at being kind I`ll be her friend again most likely. Thanks! 
reply about 20 hours
ThunderSpirit
ThunderSpirit posted in Friends:
Wow. We have more in common than I thought. I had the same problem [except she was a little less mean] and this is the advice I was given. Don't exactly go up to her and say, "I don't wanna be friends," because although she is mean, she still might be hurt. Just don't really make it official, but slowly drift apart from her. Try to meet new people, maybe there's someone great you just haven't met yet. And maybe she's having problems of her own, not like that's an excuse. But in the end, if she does apologize to you, she might be a friend worth keeping, but those insults were pretty serious, not something best friends would do, and you probably wouldn't forgive her. I get that.
reply about 20 hours

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