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Dear Dish-it: How Do I Gain Self Confidence?

Jan 24, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I’ve been nice to people all my life and all they’ve done is take advantage of me and hurt me. Some have broken my heart. I’m tired of living with low self-esteem and playing the victim all my life. How can I gain self confidence?

Pushover

Dear Pushover,

Confidence is something you need to find within yourself. Being nice to people all your life was not a mistake. Truly confident people are kind hearted and generous. But there is such a thing as being too nice. You still need to stand up for your values and opinions and not let people walk all over you. You don’t have to be rude or mean in order to do this.

Physical Ways to Improve Your Confidence

There are ways you can improve your confidence by changing how others perceive you. Start by dressing well. I don’t mean go out and buy expensive designer brands. Just look polished, meaning no sweats, no clashing pieces and absolutely no overly revealing clothes. Clothes say a lot about you, and wearing outfits that are revealing suggests that you’re overcompensating for something else…such as your lack of confidence. Also, fix your posture. Standing taller will change how people look at you, but strangely enough, it will also help you feel better about yourself.

Mental Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Gratitude is probably the best way to improve your confidence. Stop worrying about superficial concerns, like how popular, stylish, and skinny you are and all the things you want want want, and start focusing on the things you have. What are you grateful for? Show or tell the quality people in your life how much they mean to you. And think about how you can give back, whether it’s through volunteer work or simply by offering someone a genuine compliment.

Verbal Ways to Improve Your Confidence

Speak up about things that matter to you. Don’t stay quiet or be a pushover just so people will like you. Doing that may make people like you, but they won’t respect you. Start by participating in class discussions, just to get used to the idea. Volunteer answers. It’s a great confidence booster when you get an answer right. And if you get it wrong, who cares? That will help you build a thick skin.

Love Yourself

Above all, just remember to love yourself. No matter what you look like or what extracurricular activities you participate in or what your passions are or who your friends are, know that you are every bit as wonderful and valuable as everyone else.  

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Pushover? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

49 Comments

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  • I love myself, totally!
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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
It's good to have both to talk too about things. But, what's the point of being with someone if you can't trust them enough to even tell them things?
reply about 5 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
@AmayahG I had a friend for eight years whom I thought was my best friend. But, turned out that she lied to people a lot, including me. She also talked badly of me behind my back and blamed me for everything when all I ever did was be there when she needed me the most. Let her go before she really begins to weigh you down.
reply about 5 hours
Error44
Error44 posted in Friends:
Best friend or boy/girl friend? Which one is better for sharing secrets and talking?
reply about 9 hours
Error44
Error44 posted in Friends:
"AmayahG" wrote:Me and my friend have been friends since kindergarden. She know that I get bullied a lot but now she is talking about me behind my back. What should I d o?Let her go , the one who talks behind you is not good enough to trust
reply about 10 hours
AmayahG
AmayahG posted in Friends:
Me and my friend have been friends since kindergarden. She know that I get bullied a lot but now she is talking about me behind my back. What should I d o?
reply about 16 hours