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Dear Dish-It Advice on More Crush Questions

April 25, 2017

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I feel it’s safe to say we are most consumed by matters involving our crush. Dear-Dish-It can agree that issues of the heart and health are the most important. Today on “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we are going to try to cover as many crush related questions as we can. We apologize to those of you who have been waiting a long time and have not been addressed, please view this article to understand why you haven’t heard from us. Please note that we know many of you are waiting to hear about breakup advice, and we will be featuring an article on how to deal with that this season. Thank you so much to all of you who have submitted a question regarding this topic, we’re trying to address all of your issues as fast as we can. Remember, other people’s questions may apply directly to you, so pay attention for any advice which may help your specific situation or give you a piece of mind.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Question by GG

Hi!  I have a question. How do you tell if your crush likes you?  My crush always throws little tiny pieces of paper at me and teases me.  My mom says maybe he does maybe he does not.  I really need help because my friends are starting to make fun of me for it. I ask them to stop but they won't.Please help! Love, GG<3

Insight/Advice:

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the expression “stop teaching girls that boys are mean to them because they like them.” There are no facts to prove that it is true that if a boy picks on you that it means that he likes you, though he may be conditioned to believe that this is the way he's supposed to show you. In the real world of adult dating, boys will do the exact opposite if they like you. In fact, hitting and picking on a girl is abusive and promotes girls staying with the wrong guys. Mind you, harmless, non-offensive teasing can be a form of flirting, in which case, who is to say that person doesn’t have a little crush on you or at least finds you attractive? Though, at this age, that’s all it could be. An attraction that doesn’t go anywhere because it’s still too young, and you might be too young. Whether or not this boy likes you, that is unfortunately not my place to say. Regardless, it’s not good for boys to think that "throwing paper", violence or any other form of teasing is a healthy way of communicating with women. It is important that girls do not grow up to think this treatment is normal. As a woman, you should expect more. You should expect that if a guy likes you, he will be kind to you and communicate with you. If you really want to find out just try talking to this guy, invite him to a group outing or invite him to your birthday and see if he comes. Isn’t asking more reasonable than putting yourself through torture? You can approach your crush with ease, and in a cool way. You could even just start by talking to him more.

I am sorry to hear that your friends are teasing you because of this (this is common, so you can always keep it to yourself), but it sounds like it is something that you talk about a lot because you have feelings that you can’t ignore (it is on your mind) and you are scared of rejection. Don’t be. In life, most people end up with one person if they are lucky. Think about how many people you meet (and you will only meet more when you are done school), the chances that someone isn’t right for you are so much higher so don’t be discouraged if this guy doesn’t end up liking you back. It's just a matter of time. One day, some guy will and he will be the right guy. Luckily, you are so young that you have plenty of time for that. I know it's frustrating, especially when you have these feeling which consume your thoughts, but you're just going to have to either take action and see where it gets you or remain patient. 

Teasing a Girl is Not the Way to Tell Her You Like Her.Teasing a Girl is Not the Way to Tell Her You Like Her.

Question by Lovleygirl01, 

How do you ask your crush out?

Insight/Advice:

I know this might sound like useless advice, but it’s not. If you want to ask your crush out, you just have to do it. I know they make you nervous and speechless, but you’re going to have to communicate to them somehow. Otherwise, it is only going to drive you nuts and keep you wondering. Mind you, there are various ways which you could go about this and you should pick whatever option works for you. You simply have to do what feels best. Some ideas are inviting them to join you at an activity or suggesting a hangout, even a study date, whatever feels right. If the idea of talking to your crush in person makes you feel uneasy then get their number and send them a text, or message them online through social media. You could also try coy ways like "liking" their photos or leaving a nice comment and see how they reply. Are kids and teens still passing notes these days? Dear Dish-It has used a note to communicate with a crush before, and even though he didn’t like me back, it still felt good to get it off my chest. I tried, and that was all I could do. In time, I would move on to like someone else. This might happen for you too. Perhaps not instantly but in time. Eventually, you will meet the person who is right for you, and you will know this because they like you back and actually show this by wanting to spend time with you. Communication is key, remember that! It's all about how you convey your message and the approach you take. Using the right words can and will make a difference, and will make asking someone out easier. Over time, it will become something that feels natural for you. 

Question by KK

There's this really sweet and dorky guy in my class who everybody knows likes me. Let's call him Dylan. Dylan's told me he has a crush on me, he's given' me a million valentines, and he always waits for me in front of the school... But the thing is, I don't like Dylan! I think of him only as a friend, and I have a major crush on the one boy he despises (I'll call him Anthony). Whenever the Anthony sees me, he blushes, then I blush, then I awkwardly drop everything I'm holding and he helps me. Anthony's witty, kind. Though he's popular, he socializes with everyone! What should I do? Should I choose Anthony or Dylan?

Insight/Advice:

You may not realize it, but you already answered your own question for yourself. You already stated that while you are flattered by his attention, you do not like Dylan in that way. It’s very clear that you like this Anthony boy. I would encourage you to pursue that if that is what you want. I would ask you, what is holding you back? Are you worried about hurting Dylan’s feelings? Remember honesty is always the best policy. You should just tell Dylan if anything is going to happen with Anthony and let him know that you care about his feelings and value him as a friend. Don’t make him feel like he is “on the hook”, which means that he is on your hook and you are leading him to believe that he still has a chance. It is better to be direct with people so that they can move on, but always be empathic, compassionate and mindful of their feelings.

Question from Alex

It's just awkward and I would like some advice on how to make it not feel awkward also I'm a guy not a girl :P

Insight/Advice:

 I don’t really think there is a way to take the edge off, at least not at first. It’s something you will be scared to try, but once you do it, it will get easier. Just like with most things. You are young and it will take some time feeling comfortable and confident doing this, of course, but with practice, you will get better at it. You might even get really good at it, or even too good. Believe in yourself and stand behind your choices. Confidence is always key, and it helps us to face our fears, but it also presents us better. Whether you get rejected or not, go confidently and show that you are worth something because you are. If other people don’t respond the way you’d like then that is their loss, and I promise you that in time, and with practice, someone you like will be interested back.

Question from ThatCoolKidd

I like this kid, in a grade above me. I finally told him I liked him a couple of days ago. He wasn't surprised or anything. Except he said I really he'd go out with me, on one condition...I must have..sex with him. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. Please help!

Insight/Advice: I’m going to Dish it to you straight, you need to walk away from this boy. He has one motive and it’s not the same as yours. Never give a guy what he asks for sexually just to please him or “get him to like you” because even if he does start to “like” you, it’s likely for the wrong reasons and at his convenience. Regardless, you are too young to be getting involved sexually, and I think you should rule this option out entirely. Let him know that you take sex seriously and don’t just give it up to anyone who asks for it. Tell this guy that you have self-worth, and you don’t just sleep with guys on the first date, especially when you haven’t even gotten to know them or figured out if there is any chemistry there. When you are old enough to become sexually involved with a guy, it should be because you care about them, and love them. It is not right for a guy to give you any kind of ultimatum. If he’s interested, he will treat you like a lady and take you out on a real date. It’s up to you to set your personal standards. Ask yourself, “what do I really want?” “Am I settling for it?” It’s up to you what you decide to do, but I suggest turning this guy down and doing your own thing. If he’s actually worth it and realizes you’re great and that he likes you, let him come back around and ask you out properly. Boys are prone to wanting what they can’t have, just as most people are, so don’t make it easy on this boy. I'd like to say there is no chase involved, but nothing attracts a guy more than a confident woman who is interested in her own things. We do not trade “a date” for “sex”, think about it some more and think about what this guy is really asking of you. Hopefully, the right answer will come to you because you shouldn't be subjected to that kind of treatment.

Question From Messy Girl

Question: Dear Dish-It,

It so happened that a cute guy approached me and said that he likes me since a long time and unable to hide his feelings further so he had to tell. I said 'no' to him out of my nervousness. But I too like him. I messed up everything. How should I correct my mistake?

Insight/Advice: Have you tried to tell this boy how you feel? I think a simple dose of honesty could be useful here. Best case scenario, he still feels the same way about you and happily takes you out. Worse case scenario, he is hurt by your rejection, doesn’t trust you anymore and doesn’t want to take the chance. How he takes it is really up to you and what you chose to say. Though he could be the stubborn type, in which case it’s out of your hands. The way you say it could also make a difference. Dear Dish-It would probably either send the guy a nice, honest letter explaining that I am interested, but just got scared OR I would find a creative way to show him I still cared. Either way, you shouldn’t worry until you talk to him, and I encourage you to do so because you don’t want to live your life with regrets. If you’re really worried about getting shot down by him, there is always the classic way of “finding out if he still likes you.” If there are any of his friends you feel comfortable talking to you could approach them, but be careful of what you say because it might all end up getting back to your crush before you have a chance to talk to him. Taking direction is key. Be classy, be honest and be smart. Be sure of how you feel and don’t be afraid to take action. Remember, it is always better to know than to sit in uncertainty. Even if it hurts us, we will move on from it and only become stronger. It is better not to have any regrets.

Don't Be Afraid to Communicate How You Feel. Don't Be Afraid to Communicate How You Feel.

Question from Donmayia

Dear Dish-it, I like this boy He is my next door neighbor. He has dimples, cute eyes, cute but I'm shy to tell him dough. But my friend likes him too. What to do?

Insight/Advice:

Well, it’s up to you to work up the courage to say something to him, but if you do, you need to talk to your friend first. Get her blessing because you want to prevent any future problems with your friend. Crushes should not cause problems. They should be fun. Boys come and go, but friends can last forever. I suggest never letting a boy stand in the way of you and a good friend.

It Can Be Hard When Friendships and Crushes Cross Paths.It Can Be Hard When Friendships and Crushes Cross Paths.

Question by cupcake

If a guy says he loves u but he is married and he will marry u would u believe him.

Insight/Advice:

I think you need to stay away from people who are being disloyal to the people they are currently with. Yes, it’s absolutely possible to be with someone and fall in love with someone else, but you should keep in mind that if he’s doing this to his current wife, what would stop him from doing this to you? Do you think it’s appropriate that he says these things to you even though he is married? I’m not sure how old you are, but I am going to assume it’s far too young to be getting involved with married men. You may not be able to see it, but you deserve better than this.

Question by Udger

Question: How do you know if you're in love?

Advice/Insight: Most people would say that you are too young for love, but Dish-It believes that anything is possible. With love, you will know, when you know and you won’t question it. You will just know. You can love someone and stop being with them, but continue to love them. Love is forever. True love can last through anything. That is because love has no limits. Love is for a lifetime. Think about how you feel about your very close friends and family, the people you say “I love you” to. That feeling of comfort, joy, experience, affection and bonding is unlike anything else. You can potentially ‘fall out of love”, but Dear Dish-It would say that probably wasn’t real love because real love is not something you question, it is something you feel with a mighty certainty. I promise you, when you are truly in love, you will know it. At first, it will probably feel like you just can’t stop thinking about them. They will make you want to be a better person. Trust your gut, and follow your heart and inner intuition, and you can almost never go wrong.

Love is possible, It Just Takes Time.Love is possible, It Just Takes Time.

Afterthoughts

As mentioned, matters of the heart tend to consume us but remember you are young and have your whole life to fall in love. Flirting is fun and harmless, but because you are so young it can be difficult to get beyond this point. Remember this and try not to take things too seriously. If you are truly meant to be with someone you will be, but at this age, kids and teens aren’t wired to put romance first. You have your whole life to grow up and date.This is the time of self-discovery. Figure yourself out and find what you love to do. When you are busy and happy doing the things that you love, the rest seems to come naturally. It’s totally okay, normal and healthy to have a crush but don’t let it consume you. Don’t let it get in the way of life, family, school or friendships.

Here are some things to remember:

  • At this stage, we simply might not be ready to take things any further than teasing, or flirting
  • If a boy/girl wants to spend time with you, they will make an effort or show interest
  • Boys should learn teasing girls is not the way to show them they like them, approaching a girl honestly and kindly is a far better approach
  • Try to get people’s attention in positive ways
  • Have self-worth and demand what you deserve
  • Be as direct and honest as possible, don’t play games
  • Don’t date your friend’s EX or people your friends like unless you get their consent
  • Don’t go after someone in a committed relationship
  • Never trade sex for attention or dating, or sleep with someone to get them to like you—this is not the way
  • Take chances when they suit you, be confident, but be open to rejection
  • Remember boys and girls come and go, and one day it will work out with someone, but in the meantime, you are so young, and there are tons of other things to think about like the month of May and new Kidzworld Horoscopes!

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

 

Have Your Say

Do you think boys who are mean to girls “like” them? Why or why not do you think we stop telling girls this?