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Dear Dish-It, How Long Will We Just Be Friends?


Dear Dish-It, is here to whisper "ttyl when I've thought about this some more".


Dear Dish-It,

I am one of those guys who are not too weird or too cool but I have friends who are cool. They have girlfriends - I don't. I have never been on a date before in my life and I am 12. Anyway, there is this very cute girl who everyone likes. I want to know two things: one, how do I act to get a girl? And how do I act on a date? I am also one of those funny people around my friends but not really in front of girls. Please help.
help kid


Dear help kid,

Before I let you in on the secrets of getting a girl, I want to let you know that there is nothing wrong with never having been on a date at 12. You're super young and if I were you, I'd hold off even longer before getting all tangled up in the world of love and dating. Sure it's cool to have a girl to take the movies or talk to on the phone, but you can do all those things without committing to one specific person. Hang out with lots of people, girls and boys, and just have a good time. If you put too much pressure on getting a certain girl's attention, you are just going to stress yourself out and your issue of freezing up around girls is not going to get any better. So, to get a girl (who'll like you for you,) you have to be yourself. Don't put on an act, a show or a fancy costume - just act as you would around your friends! The same goes for how you act on a date. If a girl has agreed to go out with you, then they are looking forward to spending time with the guy that asked them out and no one else. Good Luck!


Dear Dish-It,

I don't usually make use of such sites as this, but in this case, I am desperate. I've had an interest in a particular female for some time now. I finally got my courage up to ask her out. Her reply was the well known, "Let's be friends first." This wasn't a problem in the beginning, since I wanted to get to know her better, anyway. The problem is, the more I get to know her, the more I like her. We have an incredible amount in common and she amazes me everyday with something new. How long does this "just be friends" thing last?
wildkarrde88


Dear wildkarrde88,

Ok, there are two possible reasons for this girl's response of, "let's be friends first." One, she likes you and wants to get to know you better but isn't quite ready to make the GF/BF commitment. Two, she just wants to be friends, and isn't interested in more, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So, depending on which scenario you find yourself in, the "just be friends" thing could last just a little while longer or indefinitely. Although this may not work in your favor, you should probably ask her to spell out her feelings. If she's just leading you on, you'll want to know sooner rather than later so you can decide where to go from there - continue on just as friends or cut her loose. So, talk to her and find out what the score is. Good Luck!


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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  • 7 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Autonomy
    "Lulu335" wrote: I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!! Oh sweetheart, your situation is so, so very far from being complicated. In fact, it's actually, entirely simple. But I'm here to help you see that, because you can't see it yourself quite yet. Brace yourself, you may never hear such advice in your life ever again. Or you might, I can't predict the future. You're in sixth grade, you said. Assuming you live in the United states and weren't held back, you're probably 12, maybe 11. The problem is, the human brain isn't fully developed until a person hits the age of about 25. This means, without debate, that your brain unable to fully grasp what being in a relationship actually entails, what it means, what the consequences are, and so forth. You can't even fathom it, my dear. I couldn't at your age; no one can. You've just begun to hit puberty at this point in your very young, completely normal life. Certain hormones are now being developed by your body that, up until puberty began, your body did not produce. Let me explain, in simple terms, what this means: these new hormones are giving you fuzzy feelings for boys, but these feelings are not what people with fully developed brains call "love." Love means being self sacrificing, compromising, giving and taking, communicating clearly and honestly, and so much more. What you're feeling is a part of love-romance-but it's not all there is to love. It's actually just a few simple chemicals being released in your brain: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and few others. Your brain releases those chemicals when, say, you see a boy you like, and those chemicals make you feel all fuzzy inside. In fact, (brace yourself,) there's nothing inherently special about the boys you like, or the boys that like you; in fact, they're also, entirely normal, and aside from a few minor differences in character, completely like most other boys their age. Had you been born in another town, gone to another school, you would have gotten the same fuzzy feeling about whatever boy you thought you liked at that school. You see? I'm not saying this to make you feel insignificant, but perhaps the insight will make moving easier for you. The next place your militant parents settle down in will also have a middle school, with a bunch of normal 11-14 year old boys and girls, all doing the exact same things the kids at your school do right now. Does that put things in perspective for you? The world is a very, very big place, and it's home to billions upon billions of people. Your situation is far from being a needle in a hay stack; it's more like a blade of grass, in a vast field of foliage. The feelings you're feeling aren't uncommon or complicated, they just feel that way to you. (Now, really brace yourself, because this is going to get uncomfortable.) We, as people, tend to think that we're special. Each one of us a unique snowflake, drifting about in big blue sky, that exists solely to show the world how special we are. The problem is, the other seven billions snowflakes (people) think exactly like we do, and in this way, we are all the same. We think our problems are new problems that no one has ever dealt with before, and no one else could possibly understand the pain and suffering we're going through. We all think this way, by nature; but it's simply naive. Heartache and suffering have existed since people existed, and possibly before then. Your situation may not be ideal to you, but once you come to terms with the fact that life isn't ideal for anyone, you might actually feel comfort. The easiest way to cope with our many problems, is to accept them for what they are: a part of the human experience. Natural, normal, repeating generation after generation without end. Again, these are concepts that require some deep thought, and you might not fully grasp them quite yet. But remember them. With time, as you grow, think about them more, and you will find peace with your life. And remember this: although you're stuck (for now) on a giant rock hurling around the sun at an incredible speed, you're not alone. With billions of other people stuck here with you, you'll never be without friends.
    reply about 8 hours
    Fun_125
    I personally think that when you ARE ready then go for it! As long as the person you like isn't a jerk to anyone or you go for it! Just don't get too serious. It's middle school. Good luck!
    reply about 10 hours
    Error44
    "Lulu335" wrote:I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!!I know, it is too late but I think you should not go for a deeper relationship, don't make it hard for yourself and try to be his just friend because you are so young .
    reply about 13 hours
    Error44
    "queenslay173" wrote:I was at school when I noticed people started to tell me this boy liked me and I thought it was cool because I'm used to that type of stuff then we started to dated in October we broke up right before christmas and it was so strange. we got back together in the beginning of January and we broke up again on the 4 my friends are really mad at me and he seemed really upset I like him but I just don't want to be with him anymore what should I do ?- confused lover Tell him your reasons and make it clear for both of you
    reply about 13 hours
    lottie_h141
    lottie_h141 posted in Style:
    thank u!!! acc helps so much. Obvs going to superstars aswell 
    reply 3 days