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The Real Deal on Real Love

Check out this scenario. Duffy and K.Lo are tight. They are in love. Duffy gets into trouble and K. Lo bails. They break-up. He is whining. She already has a new boyfriend, before he can change his name to D. Diddy. By now you must be asking yourself, what's up? I thought they were in love?!
What's up is this. Before we can talk about what real love is, let's dish about what it's not.

She loves me NOT

Real love is not based on photo opportunities. In other words, it is deep, not superficial. It is not based only on physical or sexual attraction. Real love doesn't care if your cutie has big dollars or works at Mickey D's. It is based on who you are, not what you do. Real love isn't jealous. Not being jealous is different from not caring. You care - but it's cool if someone says hi to your girl or guy. You don't have to fight to prove to the world what you got. Cuz if it's like that, it ain't real love. Ya dig???

Mom's Love

Now what is real love? Think for a second or two. Imagine someone who loves you, no matter what. They take care of you when you're sick. They feed you when you're hungry. Ya get the picture? I bet that your mom's love for you is real love. When they're getting on your case, you probably don't feel like it is love, you just wish they'd leave you alone. But your mom always has your back. Believe that.

Real love

I think that what happens is when we're little, our moms and pops who love us read us too many fairy tales. You know "happily ever-after" stuff. We think that cupid has this big arrow - and POW!! - an automatic love connection. Well ya know what, it ain't happening. Sometimes ya gotta kiss a lot of toads to find that prince or princess charming. And that's okay because we're going to look at a prescription for real love.

Love RX

  • One dash of "keeping it real". Learn from your experiences. If someone is a jerk to you or your family, lose them quickly. People don't change that much. Real love is about treating yourself and others with respect all of the time.
  • Two dashes of limits. When someone loves you, they don't cross your boundaries. For example, your body is your body. When you say no, that means no. You can and should expect the person you love to follow that. Because real love means listening to what's being said.
  • Three pinches of the Real Deal. Sunshine Anderson sings "I heard it all before, baby this.. baby that... your lies ain't working now." Sunshine is right on. Lies and real love don't go together. Real love is about truth and honesty, even if it hurts. If they're lying, kick 'em to the curb.
  • A big scoop of 'whatever'. By whatever, I mean try to keep things in the moment. Don't be bringing up the past all the time - stuff like he said, she said. Learn to enjoy your time together. If it's meant to be, it will be.
  • Mix all of the above with self-control. Slow down, love will happen for you. Know yourself and what you want and deserve from your life. Don't settle for less. Remember, the more you love yourself, the better love you can give.
    Oh - and go give your mom a hug.

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  • 18 Comments

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    Have You Ever Been in Love?

    • Yes.
    • No, not yet.
    • I thought so, but it didn't work out.
    • Yes - I totally love Zac Efron (and Chris Brown and Justin Timberlake... you get the picture).

    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    drowning
    "SatanslilDemon" wrote: Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice??? It's really nice that your mother supports it, that always helps!! I'm glad that your family enjoys his company as well. Being 16 while he's 20 is alright. It's a slight odd age gap. But, I think as long as you both are ready, it's alright. Make sure you're mature and safe with your choices though. Personally, I think you should wait until you're closer to at least, 17. But, as long as you two are smart about what you're doing, it should be alright when it come around to it.
    reply about 3 hours
    fitta
    "Shygirl15" wrote:I really like this boy in my second period class but i dont know how to tell him because he knows that im transgender do whatever makes you feel comfortable or just wing it and tell him and if he tells you something because you're trans forget about him! He doesn't deserve you. But it's totally okay if you want to play it safe and not go up to him. You do you. :3 
    reply about 4 hours
    fitta
    "SatanslilDemon" wrote: Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice??? i suggest you wait i mean you are going to be 16 that's way too young to be dating someone who is 4/5 years older than you,no? You can still talk to him when it comes to your anxiety attacks and all of that because I have those too every night so I know how it feels, but maybe you should wait. But at the end of the day it's your decision I'm just here to give advice 
    reply about 4 hours
    SatanslilDemon
    Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice???
    reply about 5 hours
    SmartSunnyShadow
    I feel like that too. My best friend will always hang out with her 'new friends' that I have a really bad opinion about. My friend will treat me rudely all the time and sometimes make fun of me with her friends. But, when I needed her the most in my life, she was there for me, and I told her how I felt. She says that she just wants to hang out with more people and apologized, people can be a little teasy at times.  Also, after seeing each other for a long time, people make new friends and start hanging out with them more, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you.  This may be different for you, but just tell her about it, she will have to know you feelings at one point.  Hope I helped you. 
    reply about 11 hours