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a lover that could (never) be


I've been getting bored a lot with life and thing's. It felt like there was nothing to do... One day I found this site on my cellphone and decided to try it out. I signed up and immediately started getting messages and I was replying. This one guy really stood out from the rest, he was really sweet and never said anything bad about anything. Which made me think "is he really this way?" We've been talking for awhile and About a month or so later... He asked me out, and stupidly, I said yes. Even though he was from Denpasar,Bali and I am from Indonesia. So it was like a long distance relationship. We were going strong and he always made me happy. He never failed to not put a smile on my face. He made me blush with his words... and I fell for him so hard then... One day my sister told me he wanted to be with her. and we were still together! So I decided to text him and he thought she was my friend. I said "u wanna date my sister now?" and he said yes, ignoring my feelings... I began bawling and barely able to text right. He tried to say sorry but I said "forget it you love my sister. Don't talk to me anymore." and he wouldn't stop apologizing, which made me think he cared about me. I eventually forgave him and we began dating again. I loved him too much to let him go. I loved him more than anything in the world... Then he started trying to make me jealous about other girls, that is not the right way to treat a girl. I gave him a piece of my mind and we broke up... But... I forgave him again... Like I said, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. this same thing happened multiple times and I began to say meaner things to him and I could tell he was getting tired of it as much as I was getting tired of his games... And I'd always end up saying sorry... I don't know what made me fall so hard for such a bad guy... But he kept me back there, I felt like I was unable to forget him and move on. I needed him at this point... One day I consulted him about how we argue a lot and needed to break up he gave me all these words (lies) of love. No girl deserves a guy who lies about love. Its not an everyday lifestyle game thing. Its real emotions with real people. And he hurt me badly but I could not let him go... I apologized... I said I loved him, I was afraid of losing him forever... I thought he hated me... I got a big pain in my stomach that night because he hadn't text me or anything that whole day... I cried, I was in pain... I wanted that (one) text... the one usually saying (Oh okay) at least I knew that meant he forgave me... But I never got it... Frown I thought of everything he's ever said to me... I loved the way he lied... I knew he was lying about his feelings but I wanted to hear it from him even though they were lies.. I knew something was wrong with me because I wanted him back so much. But I couldn't have him because he didn't want me... I cried myself to sleep... thinking of EVERY single lie that made me so happy... (I love you forever), (U mean the world to me), (i will always love u and only u), (i cant ever let u go), (I wish u were with me right now).... Those all ran through my mind as i drifted off to dreamland where, my dream was to talk to him again....... The next day, he still wasn't answering me... So I decided to call him while I was at school. I left and went into the bathroom, sat down and called... all I heard was 1 ring and then (the number u have reached is unable to take ur call) then the sound of the mans voice saying those words, and the beeping followed shortly after... I began to cry, feeling tears rolling down my cheeks nonstop and feeling the pain worse than ever... I wanted to be mad at him, but I couldn't cuz he was gone... I wanted him to be there for me again... but he was gone... I knew what he had done... He erased me from his life... and this time, for good.....

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