I grew up in a small town. I was the cutest little boy. I remember as far back as three or four having crushes on little boys. As far back as I can remember. I didn't know I was different, I thought it was natural for me to like boys. I thought you could like anyone you wanted.
But as I got older, (living in a religious community didn't help) I realized that people didn't like it. The media, my surroundings, society, everything brainwashed me to believe I was a disgrace. So right now I am about six or seven say. I wanted to be just like my big brother, and I knew I needed to like girls. So I did. I forced myself to believing that's what I wanted. I really had myself convinced that's what I wanted for a little while. About two years (kindergarten to part of first grade).
Now, moving forward to when I was about in the second grade. I had a crush on this boy, Gabe. He was really short, muscular, bleach blonde hair, with a face that always smiled. I knew then and there that this thing for guys, was not going away. So I just tried to hide it. Which, at the time, was easy. I played football, and basketball, and soccer, so I seemed like a normal little boy. I had a girlfriend who I dated (and had been for the past two years), and went on dates with. I seemed completely normal.
Then I started third grade. This is when it started to go down hill. I know I was young, but it was bad. I got chubbier, I honestly don't know why, but I got FAT. I became socially awkward and didn't know how to talk to people. I became creepy. I was the weird kid who just sat in the corner. So, clearly I got picked on a lot. I started to become very flamboyant. I started became comfortable with who I was. I had no friends at all. I would seriously go home and cry myself to sleep.