Out of thousands of devils that are plaguing the human soul, depression seems to be the most powerful one. The source of its power comes inevitably out of its correctness and an intellectual mind is bound to become affected by truth no matter how dark it is. Life consists of consecutive phases of melancholia with slight bursts of happiness which seem too powerful for the human soul to bear. If you are lucky enough to experience those rare moments of happiness you find them to be intoxicating and they force you to cling back to life. A few moments afterwards you are again dealing with the same heaviness of depression. With depression you are stuck in a loop, the thoughts are reoccurring and never-ending. You wish for something to break the cycle but nothing happens, you miss deadlines and the pressure grows bigger and bigger as you rot. You wish you were dead but you don’t have the guts to pull-off suicide because you are fooled by the rare moments of happiness. The depressed person possesses eyes that capture the colorlessness of the world and that remains the more realistic way to experience this circus of suffering. In its core the depressed person remains an entity doomed to suffer and the eternal darkness becomes their home. At the end of each painful phase absolutely nothing is changed. No deeper knowledge can be obtained about the nature of it and the whole experience has been suffering without a cause. The analytical mind stands in awe as it can’t decipher the illogical nature of depression.
You know when the water in the pool is cold but not so cold that you wont get used to it once you are in? If yes you probably have been in this situation where you are standing at the edge of the pool wanting to go in but something is holding you back. All your friends in the pool have fun, you have been trough this a thousand times and you know everything will be okay once you are in but still something inside you makes it hard for you to jump into the pool.
Depression is like that just with every single thing you do.
Depression is like being in a big deep pit where you have no food and water and can't climb back up. Every time you try to dig little trenches in the side and try to climb back up you just feel yourself slipping and falling back down. You are trapped in the hole for day and night and can't think or do anything but be stuck in the big evil hole. You're tired, hungry, want to leave, but you just can't. Eventually you feel that there is nothing that can be done except rot and die and that is how you're feeling. You just want to die but you can't even do that
Pretend that you fell asleep at the wheel and were in a severe car accident at night with the people you care about most. You're pinned in the wreckage, and everything around you is dark. Depression is the moment after impact: the shock, the fear, the confusion, the disbelief that what you're experiencing is real. And no one is coming to help you. You can't eat (food tastes like nothing). You can't sleep (there is no escape that way). You can't form thoughts or words. You can't find or rescue yourself. Anxiety and panic overwhelm you. But there is also no accident to blame and no medical tests that confirm your pain.
Imagine being in a dark room with your worst enemy. There are no windows, lights or doors. Your enemy is shouting at you. You don't know why. The room is sadness. The person is your thoughts. You're trapped within your own sadness, with your own thoughts shouting at you. You hear people outside the window. They're telling you to just get out - because you're stupid for being like this. But you can't get out. You just have to sit there and listen to your thoughts screaming at you. You sit in the corner, alone. You don't even remember coming into the room, or what it's like outside the room. You don't remember happiness and there is no way to escape.
That's the reason why so many people commit suicide. It's because it's the only way to escape
Depression is a layer of misery, underlying everything that you do. Any momentary happiness is weighed down by it, and you always know that once that distraction leaves, you will be back where you were, drowning in that sadness and unable to escape.
if you relate to those, you probably have depression.