i definitely dont feel half as bad about it as i did when it happened, not even a quarter or an eighth as bad. when it happened it was the kind of pain that tears into you and makes you scream and cry until youre hollow and empty and nothings left. it seems silly in retrospect to be that torn up over a crush, but i guess it was worse because they somewhat led me into believing they reciprocated my feelings and i was also going through a hard time when i truly felt disgusting and unlovable.
now i just sort of feel sad about it because i remember the feeling of truly believing that no one could love me. because i was ugly and unappealing. but i feel better now that i am dating someone. who truly loves me. my good and my bad. he supports everything i do and even wants to come to one of my therapy sessions. wow i love him a lot.
the switch is now on OFF