Posted over 10 years ago
I have a bunch from email:
Two blondes living in Arkansas were sitting on a bench
talking... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you
think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida..?????"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What''s the story?"
He replies, "Just waste in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
There''s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-Hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR''S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor''s office andx said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her belly button
and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamedx likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You''re not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I''m actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT''S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We''re going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can''t land on the sun, you idiot! You''ll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We''re not stupid, you know. We''re going at night!"
There was a blonde driving in her car. She starts turning to the left, then turning to the right, so on and so forth. So the police officer turns on the sirens and she pulls over. The officer says,"Why to you keep swirving ma''am?" The blonde responds, "You see every time I go straight I see a tree so I have to turn, then I see another tree, and then another." The police officer sighes and says, "Ma''am that''s an air freshener!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science x Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They''re watch dogs!"
"Ohmigod Danny Devito, I love your work!"
"I''m a mouse, Duh!"
"That so fetch!"