x

Meet New Friends!

Recommended friends are based on your interests. Make sure they are up to date.

Friends ff8c072dd79a91c1300f032d674241a8d64367100ffb1f25fa3f9bec4a05319f
Kidzworld Logo

General

Treasure Of Poems

← Previous 1
Posted By:
alvy123_2099781 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
alvy123_2099781
Member since:
April 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 1060
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
Hi!!! This is my first poem so plz comment and let me know how is it so I can improve!!!

smile Frown Worried Grin Big Grin Hippie Blush Love Mad Angry Shout

RUBY | 14 | INDIA
Want to know more? TALK to me. Want to talk? ADD me. I don't care what you think about me , but I'm me . Please do read my story in the forums - DEATH - I love chocolate too.
Dazed Tired Tongue Out Cool Wink Confused


Posted By:
alvy123_2099781 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
alvy123_2099781
Member since:
April 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 1060
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
All I want to do
All I want to see
All I want to know
All I want is me

All I want is wander
All around the trees
All I want is wonder
All I want to be

All I want to gain
All I want to say
All I felt in pain
All I want is a Day.

smile Frown Worried Grin Big Grin Hippie Blush Love Mad Angry Shout

RUBY | 14 | INDIA
Want to know more? TALK to me. Want to talk? ADD me. I don't care what you think about me , but I'm me . Please do read my story in the forums - DEATH - I love chocolate too.
Dazed Tired Tongue Out Cool Wink Confused


Posted By:
Midapops Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
Midapops
Member since:
January 2013
Status:
Offline

Posts: 1324
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
usually poems have like the same part of a certain par in th poem

I am a photography lover Big Grin
Eiffel Tower!!
Ahh.
o.o


Posted By:
RainingKnote_2090103 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
RainingKnote_2090103
Member since:
April 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 364
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
The poem is good and creative. You used almost the same lives throughout but changed one word, which some poet writers will do. But keep an eye on when you say the line ' all around the trees'
It doesn't match the rest of the poem. it takes away from the entire flow of the poem.

"We are but branches among many trees."


Posted By:
glitteronmyhands
glitteronmyhands
Member since:
December 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 1315
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
I like it, but, I think you should change the sentences up a bit. Like, maybe one stanza could be the 'all i want', and the next could be 'all i need.', and the next could be 'all i see'? Other than that, its really good!


Posted By:
alvy123_2099781 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
alvy123_2099781
Member since:
April 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 1060
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
thank u all for posting your suggetions and praises....i will take care of my mistakes next time........the next poemwill soon be published

smile Frown Worried Grin Big Grin Hippie Blush Love Mad Angry Shout

RUBY | 14 | INDIA
Want to know more? TALK to me. Want to talk? ADD me. I don't care what you think about me , but I'm me . Please do read my story in the forums - DEATH - I love chocolate too.
Dazed Tired Tongue Out Cool Wink Confused


Posted By:
RawrSkittles=)_1846878 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
RawrSkittles=)_1846878
Member since:
July 2011
Status:
Offline

Posts: 14864
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago

"RainingKnote" wrote:

The poem is good and creative. You used almost the same lives throughout but changed one word, which some poet writers will do. But keep an eye on when you say the line ' all around the trees'

It doesn't match the rest of the poem. it takes away from the entire flow of the poem.


^^


Posted By:
RawrSkittles=)_1846878 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
RawrSkittles=)_1846878
Member since:
July 2011
Status:
Offline

Posts: 14864
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago

"glitteronmyhands" wrote:

I like it, but, I think you should change the sentences up a bit. Like, maybe one stanza could be the 'all i want', and the next could be 'all i need.', and the next could be 'all i see'? Other than that, its really good!


^^


Posted By:
kep7hk
kep7hk
Member since:
July 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 136
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
his hair as black as night
his eyes so deep
his voice so soft... thats all i got so far

Let people be who they want to be


Posted By:
alvy123_2099781 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
alvy123_2099781
Member since:
April 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 1060
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 4 years ago
My sweet mother
is better than any other.
She knows how to cook 
and to bind a book.

She helps me to study 
like my best buddy.
She works all day long
singing a pleasant song.

What she actually is
is not something to miss.
She can die for me
like she's living for me.

She is the best mother
whom you never bother.

smile Frown Worried Grin Big Grin Hippie Blush Love Mad Angry Shout

RUBY | 14 | INDIA
Want to know more? TALK to me. Want to talk? ADD me. I don't care what you think about me , but I'm me . Please do read my story in the forums - DEATH - I love chocolate too.
Dazed Tired Tongue Out Cool Wink Confused


← Previous 1

Latest Forum Posts

The Wrong Answers Game! :3 (Original)

The Wrong Answers Game! :3 (Original)

The person below me

The person below me

The person below me

Flat Earth?

What Video Games Do You Play?-moved

The person below me

Happy Birthday Snow!!! (When you get online)

The person below me

Latest Videos

Play Online Games