Back left 6d79ffa2165c70419b5d81367025d889a832b878a14a24f303dd5f6f59a4f2c5
Back right 7131bbac0729874ea35f73598ddf94d2e1f7db07d23b55f12e0a2064353ff6d7

Untitled for now..(Unfinished!)

Celebs cartoon cfce93feab0316bf700026de7ec97f7de6e9ad1915d2ce24ce54a99a68a2b199
Posted over 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
Posts: 1337

I wanna know what you guys think before writing the rest..and do you got any ideas for me? smile

I'm Alevria,or Alev,the loner of the school..or that's what people call me. I don't try to listen to them,it's just hard not to when they're screaming it in your face. I don't remember exactly what had caused me to sneak out of my window and run into the woods at 3:00 AM. Maybe it was fact I couldn't sleep? I didn't really know,and I didn't really care either. So I just continued walking through the thick trees,the dim moonlight lighting my way.

Join the KW Cat Revolution!
Ginger cat


Posted over 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
Keep going. I like it so far.

Hi I'm Flandre Scarlet but you can call me Flan-chan
Me and Pikachu
Aww....
I'm a vampire that's 495 you got a problem?
~For all people who likes/loves touhou and asks me which touhou pairing I like/love it's MariAli~
Neko Marisa Kirisame is cute. Neko Marisa
Ask me and Beth! Ask!!
I'm not always insane...Flandre Scarlet


Posted over 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
Ooh, seems interesting! You're really talented. You should really continue!
With a little improvement, you could get published at a really young age.

Okay, just a few tiny problems.

You use "..." a lot. While it does create the oh, so wonderful feeling of suspense, try not to over-use it.

'I never try to listen to them,' I'm no English major, but that line sounds a little odd. Maybe you could try, 'I always try to ignore them' or some other variation. And in that same line, you have "their screaming it in your face." It should be they're, which means they are. 



Posted over 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
Posts: 1337

"FreelyTomorrow" wrote:

Ooh, seems interesting! You're really talented. You should really continue!

With a little improvement, you could get published at a really young age.


Okay, just a few tiny problems.

You use "..." a lot. While it does create the oh, so wonderful feeling of suspense, try not to over-use it.


'I never try to listen to them,' I'm no English major, but that line sounds a little odd. Maybe you could try, 'I always try to ignore them' or some other variation. And in that same line, you have "their screaming it in your face." It should be they're, which means they are. 




Thanks for the suggestions,It helped a lot! I'm gonna edit my mistakes now.

Join the KW Cat Revolution!
Ginger cat


Posted over 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
You're welcome c:
And it's perfect now! Absolutely purrfect!


Posted over 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
Posts: 8272

She should be some kind of physco, or have supernatural abilities that she gets in the woods.
Or it could be a typical realistic fiction, I guess... maybe.
I hate realistic fictions.

H3H3H3H3 >:]


Posted over 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
Posts: 8272

"FreelyTomorrow" wrote:



"NachozRule" wrote:


She should be some kind of physco, or have supernatural abilities that she gets in the woods.


Or it could be a typical realistic fiction, I guess... maybe.


I hate realistic fictions.


"NachozRule" wrote:


She should be some kind of physco, or have supernatural abilities that she gets in the woods.


Or it could be a typical realistic fiction, I guess... maybe.


I hate realistic fictions.


I don't really think you should tell the author what to do, it wouldn't be her story then, would it? It's more fun if it's a surprise, so you should just wait and see. Maybe it'd be better if instead of saying "She should" you could say "It'd be nice if" that way, you can share your idea and not sound as if you're telling her what to do.

Sorry for spamming your story page, by the way. 

Excuse me while I facepalm...

...

Okay.
Clearly it was just a suggestion. she hasn't even got into the second paragraph yet.
If I was demanding, it would be like this:
" MAKE THE STORY ABOUT *blah blah blah* NOW!!!!11!ones "

H3H3H3H3 >:]


News Feed

To view your full News Feed please Login using your Username and Password or Register with Kidzworld!

Forum Activity

Boruto Fans in Movies posted by selina
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by Nightmare_is_me
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by DallasCowboy
Count to 60 before a Jr. Mo... in Forum Games posted by CobaltBlue
The World I Live In [open]! in General Roleplays posted by Iheart2heart4eva
type whatever comes 2 your ... in Forum Games posted by rainbowpoptart
awnser the question the per... in Forum Games posted by rainbowpoptart
Let's count to 1 Million! in Forum Games posted by rainbowpoptart
Role play anyone? Open one ... in General Roleplays posted by Carters
Role play anyone? Open one ... in General Roleplays posted by Iheart2heart4eva
Sillyvision next Generation... in General Roleplays posted by Tord_Trash
Are You Like Lady Gaga? in Celebs posted by aasih
See you... **NOT CLICKBAIT** in Random posted by XxRuby_PhoenixxX
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by dragongirl555
What do you think i am?(hon... in Say Anything posted by ImagineOrdinary
♥A Miraculous Child♥ ATJ ♥... in General Roleplays posted by aasih
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by SnowflakeAngelKitten
Write your best friend's na... in Say Anything posted by slurpie3
awnser the question the per... in Forum Games posted by rainbowpoptart
Let's count to 1 Million! in Forum Games posted by rainbowpoptart
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by slurpie3
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by James
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by SnowflakeAngelKitten
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by rainbowpoptart
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by simran88
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by Abbergrl
New site layout this week! in New Features on KW posted by SnowflakeAngelKitten
what do you want to be when... in Current Events posted by Alois_Trancy_
New Real Time Private Messa... in New Features on KW posted by lolathedog
New Real Time Private Messa... in New Features on KW posted by Abbergrl
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by Nightmare_is_me
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by DallasCowboy
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by Abbergrl
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by FlutePlayer197
Would you happen to have th... in Say Anything posted by MechaMaiden23
Choose a word to describe y... in Random posted by MechaMaiden23
Would u date the person abo... in Random posted by dragongirl555
See you... **NOT CLICKBAIT** in Random posted by ImagineOrdinary
See you... **NOT CLICKBAIT** in Random posted by rainbowpoptart
See you... **NOT CLICKBAIT** in Random posted by snoopynwoodstock123