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Fantasy Book Demo Needs Read!

Posted By:
OlivialubsNoodles11
OlivialubsNoodles11
Member since:
February, 2013
Star
Status: Offline
Posts: 5
I have a demo of my book "Punga Quinque" (latin for Battle of the Five) I REALLY need a review or even another writer to co-write it with me. Here's the demo:

Punga Quinque - Demo
 
Once there was a great war. Brother turned against brother as every nation fought to survive. Some cheated, some fought with honor, and others ran. In the end, every nation fell.
 
After the dust settled, the people started rebuilding. They quickly realized things would never be the same. New creatures walked the earth, and any and all technology was destroyed. To survive they would need leaders from all creatures to lead them back into glory.
 
The angels those a young angel for their ambassator and leader by the name of Olivia. Mant thought this was a shaky desision. She was young, intelligent, but slightly foolish.
 
From the demons came the Prince of Demons himself, Holden. It made since, why not have demon royalty to represent and lead them? Lucifer was far too old and far to busy to rule the demons on earth, so his son took his place.
 
The robots and cyborgs chose Matthew, the most intelligent engineer on earth. But even though he is powerful and skilled, he was obsessed with industilzing the world. All he wanted was power.
 
The humans chose Mother Nature’s daughter, Kathryn, with the powers of her deity mother. Moher Nature toke care of the world, and her daughter was to help rule it. Kathryn had her share of problems too, though. She was hot-headed and immature as any older teen.
 
The four leaders gathered to have a meeting. People wanted to know the right direction for the world. Right away they started arguing and sreaming at eachother.
 
Kathryn fumed, “We should give over to nature! Do you fools not see that is the only way to recover?” She darted a dainty finger at Matthew. “His kind, the industralists, started this whole mess with their thrist for resources!”
 
“Don’t you point fingers at me, princess.” Matthew glared. “At least I keep my head for two seconds.”
 
Olivia attempted to calm them. “Why are we going back into darkness? Maybe we should let the world go back into natural order. It seems that you guys have too low intellgence to think of that.” she said. The others reflected on this idea.
 
Holden made his move. “Stuck up fools, don’t you know I  will dominate you all no matter what? Just give up now.” she cockily sneered.
 
Screams erupted from every leader. The hatred grew so much that, with a powerful blast, the four arrogant leaders were blown into four sectors of the world. With them came their people, armies, and possesions. All of them were extremely confused. From the way it looked, they were sperated. They soon realized they also had powers belonging to each element. Kathryn was granted with water abilities, and placed in the North. The South was given to Holden, and he retained his fire powers. The East was given to Olivia, and she was given the control of the air. Matthew received the earth’s alliance, and was nested in the West.
 
In the center, there was the Silver City. That city was magiclly protected from all harm, and was open only to the leaders.
 
No one knew how long the peace would last.

Olivia Gray


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