Take me as i am.

this is the first note ive written so just bare with me.

"Take me as i am.
or have nothing at all."

no one telling me who to be.
no one changed me.
ive been real this whole time.
why im being thrown around.. i dont understand.

things have changed.
theres been a huge fued between 2 of my close friends.
and somthing that was so amazing, was destroyed..
and now its affecting so many people
its just so stupid.
why?
why fight about it.
its done, theres nothing you can do..
its put soo much stress of me.
you would have no idea...

--- my best friend.
lainie.
i love(love like a sis) you sweetie.
youv always been there for me.
every single time ive ever needed you..
i havent had a friend like you..ever.
and i dont ever want to lose you
im sorry for everything weve gone through.
just know that i care about you so much.
and love you just as much. [tear]
but please.
if you love as the best friend you say i am
please accept me for who i choose as friends. and the decisions i make.
im not saying you dont.

--- how do you, show someone, your undying care for them?
thats you see so much in them, like youve never seen it in anyone before
..that its real.
but its almost as if that chance for you , dosent exist.
idk.
am i wasting my time?
--- if theres anything ive ever done to offend you, or piss you off in any way?
im sorry.
theres so much i regret right now.
even though living with regret is so bad, it dosent matter.
you cant help your feelings.

if your mad at me now for somthing and chose not to tell me.
oh well.
just as long as your not being fake, or 2-faced.
im tired of dealing with everyone. and hearing the whole he said she said stuff.
you should all know me better than to think that i say this and that to one person or the other.
if your mad at me, get over it.
im sorry but i done dealing with all of this.
if you cant be happy for me and accecpt me for who i am.
then dont expect it back.
im dont wasting my time..

im going to live my life how i think i should.
im going to love the people i feel i should and forgive the ones that i want to.
dont make my decisions for me.
i dont know how to be more honest than i have been.
dont believe me?
oh well.
i dont have to prove you anything.
believe me as you will.

its always the one person whos there for everyone and is standing with arms wide open to all her friends, gets walked all over.
i dont get it.
i never will.

you try to make me weak but i still stay strong.
im a strong girll.
i have alot of confidence in myself and others.
i accept the past
All these things they helped make to make me
There's a reason for everything
i can only be me,
so its all or nothing.
take me as i am.
or have nothing at all.