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Survivor Africa - Finale

Oct 04, 2016

Well, just when you think you can hand Survivor Africa the crown for most boring reality TV, the last episode is full of surprises. By the final tribal council your stomach is tied in knots and you realize that everything you thought about the tribe members might be wrong. Kim J. isn't a feeble granny. Kim P. isn't just an airhead. Lex isn't really the devil. Kelly on the other hand... Brandon, okay he's still a diva.

Let's admit it, I bet you all thought that Lex or Big Tom was a shoe-in for the million. I mean, Kim J. was no contest for immunity - she hadn't won anything yet. And Ethan is too nice a guy, it'd be suicide not to boot him. But then it happened - Kim J. the 56 year-old grandma who was always the weakest member of her tribe scored the first of two Immunity Challenges. The first Immunity Challenge was a memory game where the four remaining members had to answer questions about the booted tribe members. Which girl had nothing pierced, not even her ears? (Answer: Kelly.) They showed a pic of two kids and asked who they belonged to. (Answer: Teresa.) Right away (and for the first time) you knew Kim J. had a fair chance. And she snagged it, alright. That meant that one of the "good ol' boys" had to go. Who better than the king of inappropriate comments and uncontrolled boils - Big (peeping) Tom.

With only Kim J., Lex and Ethan left, Jeff Probst brought them to a real Samburu tribe (at the crack of dawn) to participate in a tribal blessing. It was kinda neat, except for the part where they get goat fat and blood smeared on them. (Umm... yuck!) The last Immunity Challenge was an endurance challenge. They had to stand on tiny posts with a hand on the idol for as long as possible. Last person standing wins. Surprisingly, Ethan the professional athlete, is the first one to bail. After only an hour you think he's gonna faint like a sissy but he managed to hold on almost an hour longer before dropping like a ton of bricks.

While Lex and Kim stood rigid in the roasting sun, Jeff Probst asked them what they're thinking. Kim calmly answered "I'm on a beach, baking in the sun with a Planter's Punch at my feet." Girl power!!! Lex, who spent the previous night bolting to the bathroom with diarrhea, finally caves in the 102 degree heat. So Kim Johnson scored Immunity again which means she made it to the final two - and she's definitely walking home with at least 100,000 cash. You go, granny!

Kim is the only vote that counts at this tribal council. She has to boot either Lex or Ethan. It's a bit of a shocker when she sends Lex packing - afterall he's basically morphed into Satan's spawn before our very eyes. If she kept him, she'd probably snag the million by a landslide. But Kim says her decision came down to the fact that Lex seemed like he thought he deserved to be there (in the final two) and Ethan was not that arrogant about it. (Probably because Ethan barely opens his mouth about anything.)

The next phase was the jury casting votes - not against a tribe member, but for them. After each jury member got to ask one question, they voted for the person they wanted to win the million. Some jury members were sweet and humble, like Lex who gave a heartfelt congrats to both his friends. Or Kim P. who really seemed to be happy for the final two. But there was also Brandon, who acted like the diva we all knew he was. Or Kelly, who tried to pull a Susan Hawk kiss-off speech. Instead it kinda made you think that maybe Lex is actually Dorothy and Kelly was really the wicked witch.

The votes were cast at tribal council in Africa but one commercial break later and we're in the studio in LA where Jeff Probst reads the votes. Ethan Zohn, a 27 year-old professional soccer player from Lexington, Massachuesetts, is the sole survivor. And a millionaire.

Survivor 1 - a sneaky, evil, naked, middle-aged guy wins. Survivor Australia - A sweet, big-hearted Mom wins. Survivor Africa - A young, introverted cutie-patootie wins. It just goes to show you that anything can happen. Mark the calendar peeps - Survivor 4 starts in six short weeks.


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