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Dear Dish-It Advice on School, Phobias and Fitting In

May 16, 2017

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It can be hard juggling all of the important issues that you kids and teens write in about. I value the importance of them all, and with the exception of our do and don’t list, am happy to answer as many as possible. Today on Dear-Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday”, we’re looking at different questions about school-related issues, also issues about fitting in and phobias that one might experience. People often worry about change and how that change is going to affect them. In other cases, it is learning to live and cope with pressure, and in some cases, it can be learning to engage with something that scares us. Trying to fit in, or going to a new school, or letting something go, all require a serious amount of courage.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Sometimes the pressure to be the best is too much to takeSometimes the pressure to be the best is too much to take

Question by pinkypie23

How can I fit in class, but I am new We just did an article about fitting in, we can create an email template and link this user, or re-visit this issue again

Insight/Advice:

I am certainly curious to know what this article had to say, did you read it or learn anything from it? Being new is hard, but I bet there are some people curious about you. Be friendly and try to get to know people. Sit with people you like at lunch and let people know that you are new and ask is it okay if you join in. When you are new you do have to be outgoing, join clubs, go to school dances and join school sports. You how your general interests in order to attract the right crowd. If you do this, the people who find you interesting will be attracted and want to get to know you. Having a similar interest with someone is a great way to bond, so pay attention and see what’s the best way to get in with your desired group of friends.  

Question by GamingsincethebeginingofPINK

I have a few phobias…Fear of darkness and fear of heights. I want to get over my fears, but I just can’t. Please help!!

Insight/Advice:

Sounds like you are in a tricky situation. It’s not easy to get over the things that we are afraid of and there are diverse therapies available for fears. One involves subjecting the person to the stimulus and see how they react or adjust. Have you ever tried to sit in darkness? Take a mindful approach and try to meditate your mind to a good place, find happy thoughts in the darkness, which you can associate with it. Subject yourself to the dark and see that it’s nothing to be scared of, or gradually set yourself up in the dark with the use of a lamp, night light or light dimmer. Heights are something that some people never get over, Dear-Dish-It is with you, the thought of jumping off cliffs or bungee jumping does not appeal to me, but I know that is okay. I love rides at theme parks, but there are certain ones I am just too scared to do. I know my limits and I play within them. Figure out your limits and don’t be scared to stick to them, why would you want to put yourself in a situation that you can’t enjoy? People who love heights, love the thrill of them, and they are excited about them, you can’t force yourself to feel better about heights, but you can gradually work your way up, and get to a place where you feel safe. Your safety is the most important thing, don’t take risks if you don’t feel ready, but face your fears gently and bravely. If things don’t improve in regards to the dark situation, I would consider seeing someone one. It depends on how intense your phobia is and how much it is bothering you.

A Phobia is usually something we are scared ofA Phobia is usually something we are scared of

Question by Princeliness

I'm kinda nervous about middle school, I mean it sounds exciting but I'm scared that I might do something wrong and get detention!! Any advice?

Insight/Advice:

If you don’t want to do anything wrong, don’t do anything wrong. It’s as simple as that. Use your gut judgment to know when following people and their ideas is wrong. You know what types of things will get you into trouble, and they’ve been ingrained in your head from day one, so don’t doubt yourself or your morals. Do what feels right, and ask yourself, “are there going to be any long-term consequences for this behavior?” If the answer is no, then you are in the clear. Use your wise mind, the part of your brain that knows best and wants to project a certain persona. Trust your instincts and you will be more than fine.

Question by _The_Pink_Five_Nights_at_Freddy's_Theorist

I am home schooled and I am going to a public school next school year. I am really nervous about it and I need some advice! Please help!!

Insight/Advice: This certainly sounds like a big leap, and it will take some adjustments, but I have this feeling that it will be good for you. You can work on homework with other students, you can participate in sports and activities, you can make friends and feel a part of the culture at the school. This change could really enhance your life for the better, but you’ve got to go into it with a positive attitude. Be confident. Don’t be afraid to show others what you can do, and don’t let them write you off right away just because you’ve been home schooled. Let them get to know you, and if the teacher makes you introduce yourself, let the class know you switched from homeschooling because you wanted a more social experience, and are looking to meet new people. Or anyone who can help you adjust to this new experience.

I just want to go to school where I belongI just want to go to school where I belong

Question by Lily0518

Hi! I am a star student at school and everyone expects the best of me. However, I feel myself breaking down from pressure! How can I stop that? Please, please help me! I plan to do an article about school soon, there are just more pressing issues I want to address like bullying and sexuality, but I will get to this question, though this user could benefit from upcoming school article.

Insight/Advice:

We recently did an article specifically on how to make it through the school year, you should check it out! Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate and are having a hard time managing it all. Don’t get down on yourself, you’re almost done. You don’t want to be breaking, you want to be in a good place so maybe trying looking at your schedule and seeing what you could drop. How can you make your school load a little lighter? Talk to your teachers and let them know how you are feeling. They can make special accommodations for you, especially if they know you are a good student, they will be concerned for your mental health and want you to take and do assignments when you feel less stressed. Talking to your family is also important because you might think they want all this pressure for you when really they just want you to be happy. If doing all this stuff to be the “star student” is making you unhappy then you really need to evaluate your life, make some adjustments and get to a place which you can feel content with.

Question from Jennifer Arias

Question: Hey, I want advice on how to overcome and try to join a sport even if I don't know anyone on the team to not be scared I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay that I'm going to make new friends and I'm going to have a good time.

Insight/Advice:

In order for this to happen, you have to believe it first. You have to go into this with the mindset that it will be a positive experience and that you will make friends. People can read energy, and if you are down on yourself or nervous, people will pick up on this. Be outgoing at a healthy degree and let people partner up with you and get to know you. The more positivity you exude the better the experience will be, but don’t doubt yourself, and remember that sometimes things aren’t what we hoped for them to be, but experiences make you stronger, and you shouldn’t hold yourself back. Go after what you think will make you happy, learn from your mistakes and don’t look back!

When everyone is working together and being positive, it makes a differeneWhen everyone is working together and being positive, it makes a differene

Afterthoughts

It really is about finding tips to focus on to help you build a happier life, check out these five tips, which Dear-Dish-It stands strongly behind. It is really important that you love yourself, be positive, help others, do what you love and be yourself. It’s hard at this age because we all want to fit in, but when we are being true to ourselves we are letting others know who we are, and what are personal boundaries are. We don’t have to be the best, but we can be the best that we can be. We have to ensure that our life choices are making us happy. It’s okay to be nervous and scared about something new, but you have to believe in yourself and your capabilities. When you love yourself, you believe that others will too, and it will be hard not to if you are presenting yourself in the best light. There’s nothing wrong about feeling differently about things, you’re allowed to make up your own mind, but don’t fall prey to the pressures around you. You have to do what works for you and what makes you okay and you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. If everyone is eating chocolate ice cream, and you pick vanilla, that is your choice. The people who truly love you will not judge you for making your individual choice, if anything, they will respect you more.

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

What sort of things scare you the most? Have you ever successfully faced a fear?