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The Serious Matter of Suicide: Dear Dish-It Gives Her Advice

May 30, 2017

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May is mental health month, and this is something that directly or indirectly affects us all. Many of you write in about thoughts of depression, and feeling like you can’t cope, but even more of you are writing in about thoughts about suicide. Today on Dear Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday”, we are going to look at questions regarding suicide. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to address all of the questions on this matter directly, but I have all of your concerns in mind and will give as much advice as I can on the topic. Life can be tricky, full of ups and downs, and sometimes life (for some) is just feeling down all the time, but anything can change in an instance, and nothing is worth you giving up your life for, especially at this age, you have so much to experience. Your life is only just beginning, so give it time, and remember to always ask for help when you need it. Never take things to such undoable lengths, try to work through what you are feeling because you never know what can come out of it. I encourage everyone to read the “Afterthoughts” in this article, as I give some advice on how to assess suicide firsthand.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Mental Health Affects 1/5 People.Mental Health Affects 1/5 People.

Question by lexi

Dear-Dish-It, my friend is telling me she wants to kill herself should I tell my teacher or keep it to myself?

Insight/Advice:

This is the one kind of secret you can never keep. Not even a paid Psychologist can keep this information private. You must alert her family, and yes tell the teacher, who can hopefully be in touch with her parents and help resolve this matter, and get your friend help. When it comes to issues of people’s safely, we never keep it to ourselves. This included self-harm, or the desire to harm someone else. Your friend might feel betrayed by you because she trusted you, but she is crying for help (the fact that she told you is an indication she wants help) and needs to understand that you had no other choice in the matter. You’re not going to stand back and let her go through with anything that could harm her. I hope you made the right choice and told an adult or someone who can help in this situation because that is 100% the right thing to do. It doesn’t make you a bad friend, it makes you an excellent friend.

Question by Dead

First off, don't tell me to tell an adult. I won't. NO matter what. I can't take it anymore. I'm turning 12, I am 5'4, 170 pounds.... I AM SUCH A WASTE OF SPACE I WISH I WOULD JUST DROP DEAD I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Insight/Advice:

If you won’t seek help from an adult then what do you expect to change? You are only 12, you need guidance and you need proper help that you can't give yourself. You are NOT a waste of space, and I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but you should never put yourself down like that. What is causing it? What is causing you to feel that way about yourself? What can you do to change it? If you refuse to talk to anyone you have to look within and ask yourself what it is that you want, and what it is that you would like to be different. Then,  you will have to work towards that. You have to do things that make you feel good. Have any hobbies or interests? Do things that motivate you and distract you from the pain around you. Don’t be hard on yourself, be a friend to yourself and try to remember the things that you like about yourself. You have value, you’re just choosing not to see it. Be good to yourself, don't be your own worse enemy and never wish death upon yourself. You might feel confused and frustrated now, but that can all change, and you can be a part of that change, by trying to change the way you think and the way you see yourself. Think big picture, don't let what's going on ruin you, you never know where you'll end up, but it's important that you believe it will be a good place.

You May Think You Are Alone In This, But You're Not. You May Think You Are Alone In This, But You're Not.

Question by imsosuicidal

I’m done breathing and I’m done with life. I cut and cut and cut and cut. it hurts so bad but I know I deserve the pain. I’ve had 7 suicide attempts but none of them have killed me. How can I start to stay clean and get my major depression to go away?

Advice/Insight:

Cutting and suicidal thoughts are very common traits of Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m not diagnosing you, but there is some concern as this behavior is associated with deregulated emotions. If you want to stay clean, you might want to look into DBT therapy, or in the least, get mentally assessed professionally because it is not normal for you to harm yourself, especially to this degree. 7 suicide attempts at your age, is a lot, and often people with BPD Disorder are impulsive and turn to suicide as a solution. Regardless, it literally sounds like you can’t breathe and might need some help remembering why you want to be here. Getting help is the first step, but you also need to tell your parents the truth. You’ve been putting yourself in danger, but it sounds like you want to look at an alternative way of living. The people who care about you will be there to help you, so don’t worry about being embarrassed or ashamed. No one wants anything to happen to you and they will help you, but they have to know what is wrong. Let your family know so they can lock up medications, hide sharp knives, or any other method, which could permanently harm you. Let them protect you. If you want the depression to go away, you have to treat it and that requires seeing a doctor and being referred to the right form of help. I know it might seem scary, but it is what you need to do in order to get the help that you deserve.

Question by please someone; help me

I have an alcoholic family where I can't have anybody over without my mom and dad yelling and screaming at each other. Both of my parents’ drink. And my mom goes through like a bottle a day. And my dad doesn't but is usually so rude, but I bear through it. My mom is the one who makes me so mad and ugh. Like a few times, she hit my dad and threw chairs in the house and even put the faucet thingy that's in the sink; turned it on then sprayed it in the house. She yells at my dad and is plain awful. Is it wrong that my parents are the ones that cause my depression? Because of them, I've had so many suicidal thoughts over and over. I've cut but stopped so I wouldn't get bullied because of it. I get home from anything {school, babysitting; etc.} and lock myself in my room. I barely get along with them but when I do its rarely. So I can't tell them about my depression at all because 1. it's embarrassing in a way, 2. I just can't. And I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. So I just keep wanting to commit suicide and can't say anything, and I guess you can say I kinda keep to myself..but please I can't take it anymore; I need help and know it. :'(

Advice/Insight:

That sounds like a terrible situation to be in, and I am so sorry that your home life is like this. Regardless, of their state, your parents do need to know about your depression. Do you think if they knew how deeply they were affecting you that they might change? It’s hopeful thinking, but sometimes people don’t see the damage they are doing to others. No matter what, you are not keeping your depression to yourself and killing yourself as a way out. Think about your potential and the life you could live one day when you are older and not in the care of your parents. Your future is still bright even if your current reality is dim. Suicide is never the answer. If you can’t talk to your parents, there is likely an alternative, and if you can’t find a teacher, guidance counselor, or grown up to talk you, then call a crisis line in your area. There are people who want to help you and help you change the environment, which you are living in. I feel you are a victim of abuse, stuck in a very toxic situation, and would benefit from a different environment. There are always options you can seek if you really can’t live with your parents. If you think they are being abusive, or causing you depression, there are safe places to stay. Think about your options, but don’t neglect your well-being--your best interest comes first. You have to get back to feeling okay. Really try to work on this and find ways that you can cope with all the pain. I really hope that you get the help that you deserve. Don’t give up on yourself, your worth the fight. It’s not embarrassing, it’s natural, it’s human nature and any good-hearted human being will understand. You need to talk about it though. Don’t let it kill you. Deal with it so you can move on to better places. Your parents clearly have a drinking problem, are not themselves (in rational mind) and need help that you can’t give them. Try to find ways to encourage them to do so, tell them how you feel and let them know that their drinking is really affecting you negatively. 

There Are Signs To Look For When Assessing Suicide.There Are Signs To Look For When Assessing Suicide.

Question by girl on the edge

I just wanna ask you...on how to feel numb? Or nothing at all?? Can u help me how? Because over the years of my life. I’m full of regret about the mistakes that I have done. I tried forgetting them all but my older sister can't. She keeps on talking bout that over and over again. And whenever she did...I just wanna kill myself, so I tried suicide but it didn’t works and instead, it made everything worst. And right now I can’t take it anymore. So please tell me how.

I feel like I'm starting to become depressed I'm cutting myself with thoughts of suicide, and I feel like everyone hates me and lies about being my friend.
Help

Advice/Insight:

Firstly, Dear Dish-It would never give you advice on how to feel numb, but I can provide you with coping strategies. Secondly, have you ever considered being honest about these secrets? I don't know what they are, but they might take a great weight off your shoulders. It sounds like this is really eating at you and the best way to deal with regret is to face it head on. Is there some reason your sister won’t let you forget? Is she holding it over you? Have you asked her to please leave it alone? Whatever it is, it is not right. You should never kill yourself over anything because you’d be surprised how much can become forgotten and forgiven, especially when people love you, they might express hurt for your mistakes, but they will see past them. Don’t harm yourself, don’t cut, don’t let the guilt of your past destroy you. If you think people hate you then they do (because what you tell yourself becomes true), but you shouldn’t believe what you think because everyone makes mistakes and it is important that you forgive yourself. You think everyone hates you? Hating someone requires a lot of energy (i generally could only hate someone I used to care about, and I prefer the word "dislike), have you really pissed people off to this end? It sounds to me like you are being really hard on yourself and inflicting self-hate. It sounds like you are reading into the facts and making up realities that aren't there. Everyone makes mistakes, but it doesn’t make them bad people. It’s cliché, but the truth will set you free from all of this, and then you can breathe again, and truly start over. Be honest and do whatever you can to stay in good spirits. Don’t let other people shame you for your mistakes It’s very clear you are sorry, so sorry you would take your own life, and I believe that you can be forgiven. Suicide is not an option nor the answer. 

Question by Suicidal forever

Dear-Dish-It, I am 13 years old. I have had a really hard life and it just keeps getting harder. it is coming up on the second anniversary of my brother’s murder. We had been through a lot together. well, since he died, I have gotten more depressed than I was, and my schizophrenia is getting worse. I cut my wrists and I am suicidal. I have a letter already written to my mother, who is abusive. today, kids were making jokes about suicide and cutting and it hurt. they don't know hat it is like. can you just give me a little bit of advice, please?

Advice/Insight:

Firstly, don’t expect kids and teens to understand. The purpose of these articles is to shed light on these important issues, and they are not something easily digested at this age. You know better, you know these issues are real, so let them be in denial. You have every right to be depressed about your brother, that is horrible what happened to him, and I am so very sorry for your loss. I’m sure he would want you to be okay, and you need to do what you can to take care of yourself. Don’t cut. You are not to blame for the way things are going in your life. Don't take your life out on yourself. Never get to the point of suicide because tomorrow is always a new day. Talk to someone. If you are diagnosed Schizophrenic, there must be people and supports in your life who know this information and that you can turn to. This is your mental health acting up and you need to take care of it. Instead of trying to hurt yourself or thinking of ways how to, focus not on the escape, but the treatment you need. Whatever that may be and work towards getting it. You have a disease, don't let it beat you, you are stronger than you think and you can take this on. I’m not sure what this letter to your mom says, but if it’s expressing how you feel then maybe you should give it to her. Let her know how she makes you feel, highlighting that with your illness this is the worst environment for you to live in. Don’t say goodbye to your life, yes, you are stuck under your parent’s roof for now, but things will change. Your freedom will come. Focus on getting your health in a good place, and then focus on being and staying happy. Do things that put you in good spirits. Free yourself of your past, let it go and find a way to make amends with it all. If you've learned from it, it's a blessing in disguise and you will be a better person because of it. Everyone deserves a second chance. Fall down, get back up. You can do this!

There Are Signs To Look For When Assessing Suicide.There Are Signs To Look For When Assessing Suicide.

Afterthoughts

You might think you need a professional to assess suicide, but you don’t. If someone calls you wanting to die, stay on the phone with them, this is a plus, which is considered a reason to live. The fact that they called period is a huge indication that the person doesn't fully want to die.

In assessing suicide there are 4 P’s: Pain, Past History, Plan, and Pluses. You want to acknowledge and measure how high the person' pain is, and probe to find out if they have a plan. The more serious their plan, the more likely you are to call 911 immediately. Though you can talk to them, and ask them to put the knife away or put the pills in another room. Try to separate the person from their means to die. Past history shows if the person has attempted or talked about before. Those who have attempted suicide in the past are more likely to attempt it again so it's important to take this into account. Pluses are for evaluating that person's reasons to live, and the fact that they reached out is a plus. Looking at the 4 P’s you will be able to see where the person is at and how serious they are about killing themselves. If you managed to bring them down from their emotional state, you have done an effective job. Try to get a no-harm agreement where the person promises that they are not going to do anything to themselves and if they get the urge again that they will call you, someone else or a crisis line.

Suicide is dangerous because we often didn’t know, until after the fact that something negative was going on for that person. Mental health is important and if untreated, and prolonged, and chronic, it can take lives. Even people who have coped with it for years find their breaking point and chose not to live. People don’t like to talk about suicide when it occurs, but we need to. In order to bring awareness to this cause because we need to label and address the issue, look for patterns and more means for prevention.

Nobody Can Help You If You Keep Your Problems To Yourself. Nobody Can Help You If You Keep Your Problems To Yourself.

Some signs to look for:

  • If a person has become socially withdrawn
  • If a person intentionally or unintentionally isolates them self
  • If a person is missing class a lot
  • If a person stops coming to an afternoon activity 
  • If a person becomes distant and doesn't want to hang out
  • If a person is turning to drugs and alcohol
  • If a person starts giving away personal belongs 
  • If a person talks about suicide or wanting to die
  • If a person is showing signs of self-mutilation

Suicide can occur because of one’s battle with mental illness, but it can also be over one direct incident. They say it’s “a permanent solution to a temporary problem”, while some people view it as a “permanent solution to a permanent problem”, but you never know what could happen or what could change. Whatever it is going on in your life right now will not be forever, and you can brainstorm ways to change it. Believe in yourself, which means being confident in who you are. Love yourself so much that you would never think about harming yourself. Don’t let others get in the way of who you are because being you is what’s important, not their reactions to you. Never give up, even when you really want to, reach out, talk it through. There is always hope. Deep down you know there Is a reason for living or you wouldn’t talk about it--you don't want to feel this way. Inside there is this strong hope for a better future, and you should never give up on that. Never give up, no matter, nothing is worth ending your life over. Every day is different. Give things time, be patient and do your best to be positive. With that being said, feel whatever you feel, but note that your feelings will change and that nothing, even bad times, last forever.

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Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Have you ever been suicidal? Can you think of anything that works to help you not feel this way?