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The Heartbreaking Struggle to Get Along

Aug 21, 2018

Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we are going to look at a variety of currently asked questions. Meaning if you wrote me lately, your question might be answered here. We talk about falling outs between friends, the importance of trust and the need to change. We crave for resolution, but it doesn’t often come over night. You might have to make a grand effort or just wait it out to see how things pan out. Remember, you can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you choose to react to it and deal with it.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Always focus on the love within.Always focus on the love within.

Question: Dear Dish-It, My BFF suddenly stopped talking to me, and when I texted her asking why, she just sent a crying emoji, and we live a long time away so I can't ask her in person. What should I do about this?

Insight/Advice:

Do you not know why she stopped talking to you? It's hard to read how someone feels from just an emoji, but perhaps something else is going on in her life. If it were me I would probably reach out in a letter stating that I really missed her, and that I am not sure why we've stopped talking but that you are sorry if you did something. I would encourage you to ask her what is going on and to answer why she is ignoring you so that you can give a proper apology or react sincerely to her concerns. One thing I will say is do not assume. Sometimes people get caught up in their own life stress and it has nothing to do with us. She could be taking space from you for a reason that isn't personal. Can you think of something you did wrong? If you can't, don't think the worst. Try to be there for your friend and show support. Get to the bottom of this, and once you do you'll know what your options are and whether or not you can repair this relationship. I wish you the best of luck. Sounds like you really care for your BFF and just want her back in your life. Also, if you don't write a letter you could always try calling her on the phone. Text is limiting and there is no real emotion in text. It's best you talk over the phone or in person. 

Don't be too hard on yoursef.Don't be too hard on yoursef.

Question by Emotional

Question: Dear Dish-It, My friend and I have had some fights in the past and I got a bit angry and did things I regret. However, we moved past that and we became friends once again. Well, until now. I felt compelled to impress her and lied about many things, childishly.. She had trust issues and ended our friendship. I want to be friends with her again, I want to break the tension, tell her the truth, and start over! How do I do that when she won't talk to me..?

Insight/Advice:

This is a really hard one. Sadly, we can’t force people to forgive us. Trust is very important in a relationship and when it is broken, it can be hard to repair. You have to give people time and space. They do often say that time heals all wounds. If she's meant to be your friend again someday, she will be, but all you can do is say you're sorry and take responsibility for what you did. It's up to her to decide when she is ready to let you back in. Truthfully, there are a lot of forgiving people in this world, but there are also people who will have nothing to do with you if you've wronged them. Trust is very important to some people, and trust is something you need in any healthy relationship to work. Learn from this, and let your friend know you have learned from this too. The tension will subside over time. All you can do is apologize, but don't harass her. Give her the freedom to feel what she is feeling and let her see through your actions that you do really care for her and that you made a mistake. One which you don't plan on making ever again. If she really decides to shut you out for good, that's okay too. People come and go in our lives. Your true friends will stand by you as love should be unconditional. Just be careful because some people are very resilient and will cut you off the moment you've hurt them. 

You can't help but care the most about your BFF.You can't help but care the most about your BFF.

Question by dunno

Question: I feel irritated and frustrated at my family a lot. They think I am rude and never have nice things to say. It's not that I'm trying to control my temper, but I am constantly being nagged by them for every little thing. They also treat me like I am younger than I actually am for a reason I wouldn't like to share. I constantly get told that I won't be able to write my exam paper in the given time because I can only waste time, that I'll fail 10th grade and that I am a lazy, arrogant snob who expects others to do her work for her, when the truth is they are the ones who don't let me do my own work. I lose my phone for a day if I say something I'm not supposed to and this is unfair because I only use it for 2 or 3 hours. I don't have many friends at school and want to make more, but my friends are so shy and judgmental of others that I just get annoyed at everyone internally. Most people avoid me like the plague and treat me like they're afraid of me when in fact I've never even spoken to them. People are either too overprotective or too afraid of me and I don't know what their problem is. I may not be like them but I am a human being none the less. I do my best to get through all this but I feel like I'm failing every time. I've told my parents my exact thoughts on this but they say that they want me to feel this way because I am a deceitful, underhanded snob and they won't change their ways of dealing with me. I try to get through to my friends as well but they're shy and I know it'll take time for them to change and keep encouraging them but I feel worse with every tiny thing that happens.

Insight/Advice:

It sounds like a lot is going on. I’m sorry that you feel so misunderstood. Have you ever heard of wise mind? It helps you to project the best version of yourself at all times. It will help you think before you speak so you don’t get your phone taken away. Try talking to your friends and family about how you feel. Let them know that your intentions are good, and that sometimes you do and say things you don’t mean. Have faith in yourself, you can do anything you set your mind to. Don’t listen to the negative things people say. Kill them with kindness. It’s all up to you, however if many people including your family are telling you that you need to change, maybe you do? It’s pretty harsh that you think your family thinks you are a snob, you have to ask yourself why are they saying this. Look back upon your actions and behaviors and see if there is anything that might justify these statements. Work on yourself, always. Show everyone you are a well-mannered, loving individual. Try to make some efforts and some changes and see if that does anything to improve the quality of your life.

Fighting with anyone is never fun.Fighting with anyone is never fun.

Afterthoughts

Relationships of any kind can be hard, and often a lot of work, but it is painful when we lose the people we love. Trust is a very important thing in friendships and once it is broken it can be hard to restore. All I can say is that if someone is meant to be in your life then they will be. You will find a way to work it out if you really love each other. Sometimes you just have to ride things out.

Sometimes people will not forgive you.Sometimes people will not forgive you.

Also, no one likes feeling like everything they do is wrong. We all need positive reinforcements and validation in our lives. We also need to consider if we need to change. It’s so easy to protect ourselves and play the role of the victim, but sometimes people are saying negative things with reason. Take accountability for where you might have gone wrong, and try to use your best efforts to be an effective person. Watch what you say and how you say it. Be mindful. Treat others the way you want to be treated because ultimately you get back what you put out there. How you perceive yourself is also important. Ask yourself what kind of person do I want to be? Strive towards becoming that person and letting the drama and the little stuff go.

It's hard when you feel misunderstood.It's hard when you feel misunderstood.
 

Helplines & Resources:

  • TeenMentalHealth.org
  • KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
  • Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
  • Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
  • Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
  • Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

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