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The Hard Aspects of Romance

July 24, 2018

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Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we are going to look at crush related questions of all different types. Sometimes we want things we can’t have and we have to remember why we can't have them. Sometimes something is standing in the way of our relationship and it causes us stress. We need to figure out a way to deal with this stress. Dating can be tricky, it doesn’t always work out the way we would like it to when we would like it to, and sometimes it is just about timing. Good things come to those who wait so hang in there, hopefully things will turn around, and hopefully your problem will find a resolution. 

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Love and crushes can be complicated sometimes.Love and crushes can be complicated sometimes.

Question by Star

Question: A guy said that he likes me last year. Two days later nothing happened. He did the same for 5 months. Now I almost started liking him and a friend told me that he has a girl friend. I don't know him and never spoke to him. I don't wanna talk to him but I wanna stop this. What should I do?

Insight/Advice:

You do nothing. If this guy has moved on and is seeing someone you do not make a move or try to interfere. Let it be. That’s the best advice I can give you. There will be other boys. Boys you are surer of and will give a chance to straight away. If this boy you speak of breaks up with his girlfriend then I would try talking to him but as long as he’s with someone else leave it alone. You don’t need drama. Sounds like this guy got tired of waiting and moved on with someone who showed him the same interest. As I mentioned, timing is everything and from the sounds of it, it doesn't look like it was your time to be with this boy. 

Timing is everything when it comes to love.Timing is everything when it comes to love.

Question by Broken Heart Girl

Question: Hi I’m 14 and have had many relationships, all of them have ended badly, I almost always give a second chance and this girl I once dated wanted to try again, and I was super into her so I gave it ago. She is the best girlfriend a girl could ever ask for, but there is one problem, her mom is super mentally abusive to her and her dad, but he won't leave her, for financial reason, and to top it all of her mom is homophobic, so she can’t tell her were dating. Her mom and I hate each other, and that probably won't change. But I need help convincing my girlfriend that she needs to tell her mother that she’s tired of the abuse. I'm not going to force her or anything I just want her to be happy, and feel safe in her own home.

Insight/Advice:

Your girlfriend has to get there on her own. Where she feels ready to talk to her family. I’m really sorry you are dealing with this, it must be difficult. It’s hard when family doesn’t accept or approve of our relationships. Some things are simply out of our control and we just have to wait it out. Maybe try to think of something you like about her mom because hating her isn’t going to help the situation. Ideally, you want her to like you, and maybe if she does, she will get on board with the relationship. I’m sorry that this is hurting you and I hope the situation gets better soon.

Sometimes our love isn't accepted by everyone.Sometimes our love isn't accepted by everyone.

Question by Anna

Question: So I turned 16 yesterday and here in Korea, a new school year starts in March. It was the first day of freshman at my new high school two weeks before, so I've only known my math teacher for like 8 days. He's 26, also totally new as a teacher, and I just. can't. stop. thinking about him!! To tell you a bit about me, I'm Korean, obviously. I don't mean to sound stuck-up, but I'm pretty and I know it. People compliment me on my looks, and I myself like how I look. I had (and still have) a reputation as "the smart girl," and "forever on a straight path" because I always make sure to look smart in my uniform and study hard. I was quite surprised when most of the teachers at my new school immediately recognized me as a smart student. (they literally just came up to me and said something like, "You're good at studying, aren't you?") Anyway, I go to a school where they have separate classes for girls and boys. I'm pretty sure half if not all the girls in my math class have a crush on the math teacher. But they approach him in a playful, somewhat flirtatious way, while I maintain my respectable attitude as a student. So for instance, if girls would make fun of him lightly during class, I'd come to him after class and ask about something that I didn't understand, thus allowing a deeper conversation and more appreciation from him. (because what teacher doesn't like getting a chance to help a student out academically?) But as a person, my math teacher is everything I dreamed my future partner would be. He has a slightly clumsy, awkward side, he smiles a lot, and he just has this totally sweet and innocent personality!! I never knew a guy like him could ever exist, and I doubt I'll run into someone like him when I'm old enough to marry. Not that I'd like to go for a romantic relationship with him, but I'd at least love to get closer to him and have him as a really good teacher-friend. In middle school, I was always the teachers' pet, and I was always at ease when striking up a friendly chat with teachers. I could do this with my math teacher, but being the cute guy he is, a lot of girls crowd around him already, so I want a friendship with him that's unique and sets apart from the other girls'. (wow that is a lot of words.. but I'm dishing it, so I'm sure you won't mind, Dish-It.) So that's my first question. How do I develop a deep friendship with my very likable math teacher that's in a delicate boundary between academics and playfulness? Second, as you may have read in my self-introduction, people think I'm this diligent, smart, hard-working girl that'll no doubt succeed in the future. But the actual truth, I'm none of that. True, I studied some in middle school and rightfully earned a place as "a smart student," but I grew overly confident and convinced myself that I'm actually smart, and that I don't need to study hard. I also have this huge, huge problem with laziness. I'm a total expert at killing time. I've fallen into this 3-month (now nearing 4) lapse where I just sit around watching Disney movies, singing songs, and reading books. aka being very unproductive and getting NO work done whatsoever. And as a Korean student, wasting the winter break between middle school 3rd year and high school 1st year is dead fatal. But I've committed the crime, and although my head knows I shouldn't be doing this, my body won't listen. It's as if I lost all conscience and decided that the future will turn out all shiny and polished even if I play right now. Please, please, please help me get over this. I really want to be diligent and smart, but I'm SUCH a hypocrite!! Finally, I'm the type of person that falls into things really deeply. For example, I watched Frozen about an year ago, and I'm still COMPLETELY. OBSESSED. With the news that there's a Frozen sequel coming, a novel based on Frozen, Frozen Fever, plus all the other exciting movies that Disney's making, it's hard to concentrate on school studies. It feels as if I'm on a constant lookout for new news on Disney films and everything. So as you can see, I have major major problems in concentration and laziness. Please, if it isn't too much trouble, take your time to answer the questions thoroughly. I've tried posting a lot of questions on Yahoo answers and pep-talking myself to study hard, but none of them seem to be working. (I've tried motivational quotes and setting a role model. The results only last for so long.) Thank you for taking the time to read through this long question, and I will eagerly await your answer.

Insight/Advice:

Well you certainly did dish it to me, but as you said, I am Dear Dish-It so it is all okay. Firstly, I don’t really think it’s appropriate to be friends with your teacher. It’s one thing to be teacher pet, and I also often was, but it’s an entirely different thing to be their friend. Look to him as a mentor, someone who can teach you and inspire you. Try to show him that you are paying attention and that you are learning. I’m sure you want to perform well in his class. The thing is there has to be boundaries between teachers and students. They aren’t meant to interact on a social level besides tutoring and playing sports or leading clubs. I learned that the best way to connect with my teachers was to go to them for extra help. You want to work harder right? Teachers love to see you work hard and they love to help you improve. Do your work and then reward yourself with Disney films. Also, it’s perfectly normal to have a crush on a teacher as long as you know that’s as far as it can go.  Check out this article on how you can improve your grades.

You will just know when you've met the right person.You will just know when you've met the right person.

Afterthoughts

Communication is the most important thing when it comes to relationships. You have to talk about your concerns. If you’re not getting along or feeling accepted, speak on it. Use your words, use wise mind and get your words out right. Stay away from situations you know are wrong like crushing on someone you can’t have, or going after a guy who is with someone. Sometimes seeing that person with someone else can make us like them again, but we need to stay true to our feelings. Try to talk through situations oppose to letting them linger. It almost always makes you feel better plus talking about stuff gives us the answers to the things we’ve been pondering and are likely driving us bad.

Be interested in those that are interested in you.Be interested in those that are interested in you.

Helplines & Resources:

  • TeenMentalHealth.org
  • KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
  • Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
  • Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
  • Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
  • Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have your say

What has been your biggest relationship struggle? How did you overcome it? Comment below.