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Dear Dish-It, Are We a Couple?

Dear Dish-It,

I have a very confusing situation that I hope you can help me with! I’ve been chilling with this guy for about two months now and we always do things that couples do but I have no idea where we stand! Are we dating or just friends? We haven’t had “the talk” yet and I’m scared to bring it up but I really wanna know! If we’re not a couple then I think it’s time for me to move on because I really want to be with someone who wants to be with me and only me. What should I do? Is there a way to tell if he’s my boyfriend without actually having to ask him? Couple Confused


Dear CC,


I think your thinking on this problem is totally correct. It’s good that you’re not making any assumptions about the status of your relationship with this guy – whether it’s just a friendship or more than that. It also sounds like you’re a girl who knows what she wants and that is really good, and you’ve just reached a point in your mind and in your relationship with this guy where things either need to be defined or they need to end. You know your boundaries and you won’t compromise on them and that shows a really mature and healthy attitude – so keep it up!


As for your dilemma, here’s what I think. Even though you and this guy play couple, he’s not yet your boyfriend. You two just haven’t been able to decide that you want to be exclusive with each other and not see other people, so what you have is not the kind of relationship you seem to be looking for. And that’s fine, if what you’re doing is just taking things slow. The question is, are you OK with taking it this slow?


Here’s what you need to know: relationships don’t follow a set pace or timeline. Every unique relationship you have will develop in its own time. The only thing that can help you tell or decide if a relationship is developing at a “good” pace is your gut. Listen closely to your inner feelings – they’ll let you know what is best for you. Right now it sounds like your gut is telling its time to move things along and, no matter how nervous you are, it seems like you already know there’s only one way to do that. It’s time to have “the talk.”


In fact, “the talk” shouldn’t scare you, especially since it sounds like you’re a mature and confident girl who knows what she wants. If anything, the talk will give you the answers you are looking for, as well as the facts you need in order to decide whether you want to stay in a “relationship” with this guy or move on to something that will ultimately be better for you and make you much happier and more secure in your feelings. So rather than being scared or nervous to have “the talk,” think of it as a research project that will reveal some very important answers to your questions. The only rule you need to follow going in to it is this one: never, ever initiate this important conversation if you’re not willing to deal with and accept whatever outcome it brings. That is, if you’re not willing to deal with and accept the fact his answer could be “No, we’re not in a relationship and you’re not my girlfriend,” then you are not ready to have “the talk.” You should approach this simply as if you are looking for an answer, whether it’s yes or no. Either way, you will use the information you get to make your decision about your next move.


That’s it. The bottom line is, if you’re ready and want to know where your relationship stands, you have only one choice and that is to ask. Just make sure you’re not buckling under the pressures of society or your friends in terms of thinking that two months is enough to be in a casual relationship and that it needs to become something more serious right now. Take a moment to think about this: if casual is working for you two at the moment, why change it just because a romantic movie or your friends’ relationship says it’s not right or normal? Like I said before, when it comes to love, nothing is set in stone. You have to move at your own speed, listen to your heart, and just let things run their natural course.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    astucieuse331
    astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
    I feel like that too! I know where you're coming from, but believe me, I've moved on. Those people? Bleh. Not worth my time, and certainly don't deserve me.  You described me exactly: good with people and friends, but don't have a best friend at all, and others really don't care whether I'm lonely or sad. Well, it might sound crazy, but guess what? I've found a friend in me instead of others. I've learned to accept that you can't please everyone, and that some of the fish in the sea aren't worth wasting your time on. So I've become independent, to learn to depend on myself more than to rely on others. Trust me, it works, and I think it'll work for you. But if you really need a friend, me and @alienincognito are here to talk to you if you need us! @alienincognito: LOL! DUDE! That's HOW I THINK! Whenever one of my friends talks behind my back or backstabs me, I'm like, "Ah, whatever, 'screw em, I'll let Karma take over! I ain't letting those negative peeps ruin my day." Maybe you, me, and hasti10 could start a group where we can talk to each other!  :) :D 8)
    reply about 6 hours
    astucieuse331
    astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
    I've always felt the same way. My one best friend gossiped behind my back, used me, all that girl stuff. She took me for advantage and we had a bunch of fights because of her finding a new friend and completely acting as if I didn't exist, and I told her to give me at least some attention every once in a while if she can't even continue to talk to me daily. And.. I lost her. Well, she lost me. We both lost each other. But then I realized.. it's the people that you least expect to be nice to you you'll find kindness in. Why? Based on personal experience, and I'll tell you the story: For my gym class, me and my peers were supposed to make a group for a dance. This was when my best friend had found a new friend already, and the time at which we had a few fights because of that. Of course, I relied on my best friend to count me in her dance group. At lunchtime, I sat together with my best friend, and we ate our lunches in silence. All of a sudden, I brought up the dance groups and asked her straightforwardly: "Can I join your group?" No reply. "Kelly, can I join your group?" No reply. "I mean, since our class is uneven, I found it fair that there'd be a group of five, you know?" None at all. Kelly ignored me straight off the bat, leaving me speechless. My mind raced with thoughts, and I thought, maybe it's not worth having Kelly as a friend. A few days later, we were playing Dodgeball for gym. I was on Kelly's team, and overheard her talking with her new friends about who to pick for the dance group. One of her friends mentioned me, and Kelly said: "Oh no, we shouldn't pick her because _____ (I don't know what she said then)." I was shocked, but was anticipating it, so when the time came to choose groups, I saw my friend, Luke, ask two girls, Cher and Bridgette, to join their group. Surprisingly, Cher and Bridgette actually accepted him, and so I thought, "Wow, if they accepted Luke, they might accept me aswell!" and so built up the courage to ask them if I could join. Even though Cher and Bridgette were mean to me sometimes, I knew that I had to risk it and see what'd happen. Afterall, rejection is just another opportunity to find a better group. Little did I know, it'd be the best choice of my life. They were so happy, and even thanked me for joining them! I was speechless once more; I never knew that the peers that I thought I would never be friends with would actually be my friends!  So yeah, that's what I learnt, and I never regretted learning that fact. Ever since then, though, I've learnt not to trust people as much as I used to anymore. I learnt that independency is what works for me, what I was meant for in terms of socializing or working. But, other things may work for you. If you still want a friend, you can be independent and wait for the right person. However, if you still want a real friend, you can wait, but still mingle (hang out) with other people! I I'm not going to make fun of you because I know how you've felt, just as I stated in my past problem before. But you can move on from those friends, they're not worth your time and certainly don't deserve you as a friend. Trust me, if it's meant to be, you'll definitely find a true friend. But if it's not, you may become like me, finding happiness in my own way. I want to remind you though-- you don't need someone to stay happy, or keep you company. This may sound silly, but you can even have your own invisible friends! I've had one, but that's very rarely for me. It's not silly though if you see the general idea; usually these friends are made from different dimensions of your personality or just because of will. There's a lot more fish in the sea, though, so I'm sure you'll find a true friend that's meant for you  :) Take care, and I hope you'll find a true friend soon!
    reply 1 day
    ts01
    ts01 posted in Friends:
    im so sorry you girls feel that way.true friends are there, its just easier to find users because they are more plentiful. dont give up, you will find real friends eventually
    reply 1 day
    lolflowergirl
    lolflowergirl posted in Friends:
    i feel alone too
    reply 1 day
    kayme123
    kayme123 posted in Friends:
    i know the feeling. but i got taken off a website instead of my friends. i can assure you they probably feel the same and are missing you, BUT its not worth dwelling over it. friends come and go without any choice in life and trust me, i lost the love of my life and my two of the best friends in the world. The thing is, you have to move on, because they wouldent want you feeling sad over them right? they'd want you to be the happy person you were when you were with them! for starters, i'll be your friend so your not scared to make some new ones. To be honest, i went through the exact same thing as you did and it DOES hurt very bad. But once you find some people that are willing to make you feel better, you know you've chosen the right friends again
    reply 1 day

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