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Dear Dish-It, Are We a Couple?

Are You A Couple Or Not?

Dear Dish-It,

I have a very confusing situation that I hope you can help me with! I’ve been chilling with this guy for about two months now and we always do things that couples do but I have no idea where we stand! Are we dating or just friends? We haven’t had “the talk” yet and I’m scared to bring it up but I really wanna know! If we’re not a couple then I think it’s time for me to move on because I really want to be with someone who wants to be with me and only me. What should I do? Is there a way to tell if he’s my boyfriend without actually having to ask him? Couple Confused


Dear CC,


I think your thinking on this problem is totally correct. It’s good that you’re not making any assumptions about the status of your relationship with this guy – whether it’s just a friendship or more than that. It also sounds like you’re a girl who knows what she wants and that is really good, and you’ve just reached a point in your mind and in your relationship with this guy where things either need to be defined or they need to end. You know your boundaries and you won’t compromise on them and that shows a really mature and healthy attitude – so keep it up!


As for your dilemma, here’s what I think. Even though you and this guy play couple, he’s not yet your boyfriend. You two just haven’t been able to decide that you want to be exclusive with each other and not see other people, so what you have is not the kind of relationship you seem to be looking for. And that’s fine, if what you’re doing is just taking things slow. The question is, are you OK with taking it this slow?


Here’s what you need to know: relationships don’t follow a set pace or timeline. Every unique relationship you have will develop in its own time. The only thing that can help you tell or decide if a relationship is developing at a “good” pace is your gut. Listen closely to your inner feelings – they’ll let you know what is best for you. Right now it sounds like your gut is telling its time to move things along and, no matter how nervous you are, it seems like you already know there’s only one way to do that. It’s time to have “the talk.”


In fact, “the talk” shouldn’t scare you, especially since it sounds like you’re a mature and confident girl who knows what she wants. If anything, the talk will give you the answers you are looking for, as well as the facts you need in order to decide whether you want to stay in a “relationship” with this guy or move on to something that will ultimately be better for you and make you much happier and more secure in your feelings. So rather than being scared or nervous to have “the talk,” think of it as a research project that will reveal some very important answers to your questions. The only rule you need to follow going in to it is this one: never, ever initiate this important conversation if you’re not willing to deal with and accept whatever outcome it brings. That is, if you’re not willing to deal with and accept the fact his answer could be “No, we’re not in a relationship and you’re not my girlfriend,” then you are not ready to have “the talk.” You should approach this simply as if you are looking for an answer, whether it’s yes or no. Either way, you will use the information you get to make your decision about your next move.


That’s it. The bottom line is, if you’re ready and want to know where your relationship stands, you have only one choice and that is to ask. Just make sure you’re not buckling under the pressures of society or your friends in terms of thinking that two months is enough to be in a casual relationship and that it needs to become something more serious right now. Take a moment to think about this: if casual is working for you two at the moment, why change it just because a romantic movie or your friends’ relationship says it’s not right or normal? Like I said before, when it comes to love, nothing is set in stone. You have to move at your own speed, listen to your heart, and just let things run their natural course.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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    readers voted!

    Comments

    tyzhon

    tyzhon wrote:

    half friends, half couples. It happens. a lot.
    commented: Wed Nov 27, 2013

    zackfan

    zackfan wrote:

    I vote for Hilary duff and jesse Mccartney
    commented: Wed Nov 27, 2013

    nory010

    nory010 wrote:

    Frustrated yeah im kind of goin thru this right nowww!1
    commented: Sun Dec 18, 2011

    there are 6 more comments

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    rebelfeminist
    rebelfeminist posted in Style:
    Well you won't want to volunteer because that's unpaid.  Your profile says you're 11 which means you can't get a real job but you can babysit (you'll need first aid training for this), or you can pet sit or do yard work. Those are good jobs to have at your age.
    reply about 3 hours
    lawliet16
    lawliet16 posted in Friends:
    Maybe your overrating her personality while underrating yourself. Girls extremely like confident men so start working on your self esteem first because it stimulates interest to get to know you more especially on the romantic context and don`t forget to just be yourself so that you will know if she accept you to who you are and don`t let the "ideal boy" standard of the society bring you down. Remember that real happiness can be achieve when you are true to yourself so don`t mind what other people think of you and stop comparing yourself to the boys around her. Embrace your imperfections and wash away your insecurities and maybe she`ll like you back ;)
    reply about 6 hours
    lawliet16
    Considering your age, it is normal that your parents might not accept it in case he likes you and the feeling is mutual and you must understand them. This is time when you need to focus in your studies and prepare for your future career and not for your future husband. You are still very young and trust me, you are still emotionally unprepared for this one heck of a roller coaster ride of emotions. Know the difference between loving that person and loving the feeling that you are in love. ;)
    reply about 6 hours
    peace16
    peace16 posted in Friends:
    Well I am happy that you off of them. 
    reply about 7 hours
    UnknownPoster
    UnknownPoster posted in Friends:
    "peace16" wrote:Oh man, I feel bad for you. I will sugguest rest it.. and when the 6 weeks of up. you can do whatever you want too do. Thanks. I am already back in school, I no longer have crutches thankfully. Also, i'd like to point out that they don't have social media, or at least, i'm not aware of it and I am out of school for two weeks for Christmas. Crushes are annoying lol. I have never been in a relationship either which makes things so much worst. 
    reply about 7 hours

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