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Spare a Square?

How often have you been stuck in a public bathroom stall with no toilet paper after doin' your business? What do you do? This embarrassing situation is common among all of us but rarely talked about. I'm here to expose the already exposed, but in a slightly different way.

Here are some ways to deal with the situation:

1) Before you even start to pee you should check to see if there is any toilet paper, but I know that us crazy humans forget to do this all the time. So if you forgot to check and you're stuck:

  • Peer underneath the stall walls to see if anyone is there. But make sure you don't peer too far because you don't wanna invade anyone's privacy. If someone's there, you're set. Ask them if they can "Spare a Square," as Seinfeld's Elaine says, and you're set.
  • If no one's there, things get a little more uncomfortable. There are still options but they ain't pretty. You can:

a) Drip-dry. But of course this only applies if peein' is all you've been doin'.

b) Venture off into the wild depths of the tile-laden jungle with your pants around your ankles, searching for the TP that lies in the surrounding stalls. The problem with this is that, well... your pants are around your ankles because doin' 'em up could get messy. So this technique has to be done as quick as possible to avoid someone walking in on you and your assets.

c) If you think someone walking in on you would be way too hard to deal with, there are ways to get around it... if you're limber. You can do the "duck and roll" underneath the stall wall, or you can climb over top of it. Of course, if you get stuck in either position it would automatically be on your "most embarrassing moments" list.

d) Then there's my personal worst way to deal with the no TP situation. It's using that awful, hard cardboard tube that is left over when all the soft cushiness of toilet paper is gone. Frankly, this solution sucks. It's half a solution because it has no absorbing qualities and the risk of clogging the toilet is huge.

e) And if any of you have travelled to India, you'll know that finding toilet paper in the stalls there is weirder than not finding it here. They don't wipe, they splash. Keep it in mind.

Whatever decision you make won't be easy. Just go for it with confidence and you'll be fine, and hopefully dry.

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12 Comments

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What Would Be Worse?

  • No toilet paper?
  • No milk for your cereal?
  • No toothpaste?
  • You're asking me to choose?!

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

AimeeJury
AimeeJury posted in Style:
i'm ginger sadly i had brown hair when i was born though
reply about 2 hours
6thBeatle
6thBeatle posted in Style:
Black. I'm a Filipino.
reply about 3 hours
6thBeatle
Don't worry too, you'll grow up too and live on your own, I noticed that my aunt is unfair to children (except to her child) and I can't wait to be an adult (she's afraid to adults). And when you grow up, don't make revenge to your parents, I know that you still love them. Trust me, things would get worse if you make revenge.
reply about 3 hours
6thBeatle
I understand you, but those things are worse than my experience. I am a very lonely nerd and I don't have friends. When my mom goes to work she leaves me with my unfair aunt. My aunt is so unfair, she always blames me and ignores my explanations, she always defends my 5 year old cousin even though she's wrong. She's so unfair I wanted to drink bleach or hang myself but I realized that there are more people who love me. When I was months old or maybe 1 year old my dad broke up with my mom because our family doesn't like him because he hurts my mom physically, called my grandpa a liar even though my dad knows how honest he is, and he always blamed things on me when I was a baby. I met him a month ago (maybe), and we were supposed to talk about important thing like if why he left me and other stuff like that, but instead he boasted about being the best pilot in the airport, he did nothing but boast. I never want to meet him again. My problem with my mom is that she hurts me horribly like jumping on my back, and she says hurtful things like she wanted me to die and that she loves her boyfriend (who is a jerk) more than me. I have to admit, I'm the one who started the mess, but that's no way to discipline your child. I apologized to her, but she is still pulling my hair. After we relaxed for about 40 minutes, she apologized. That's it, but my mom is really hard working and is very patient to me (but when it's too much, she gets crazy). There's always a good side of someone. I hope that there are more of your relatives and friends who love you, my advice is to write a letter to your parents, and if it didn't work well, you could always talk to the guidance in your school or your teacher, that's the only one I could think of.
reply about 3 hours
QveenAvi
QveenAvi posted in Family Issues:
The way they are doing it is wrong,however it sounds like your parents really love you and really want the best for you. they have faith in you. when you get a 3 if they know that you can get a 4 so they address you want it. not that they don't love you.Your parents were the ones who raised you and introduced you to this life so you should always respect them and think them as your god.
reply about 13 hours