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Spare a Square?

How often have you been stuck in a public bathroom stall with no toilet paper after doin' your business? What do you do? This embarrassing situation is common among all of us but rarely talked about. I'm here to expose the already exposed, but in a slightly different way.

Here are some ways to deal with the situation:

1) Before you even start to pee you should check to see if there is any toilet paper, but I know that us crazy humans forget to do this all the time. So if you forgot to check and you're stuck:

  • Peer underneath the stall walls to see if anyone is there. But make sure you don't peer too far because you don't wanna invade anyone's privacy. If someone's there, you're set. Ask them if they can "Spare a Square," as Seinfeld's Elaine says, and you're set.
  • If no one's there, things get a little more uncomfortable. There are still options but they ain't pretty. You can:

a) Drip-dry. But of course this only applies if peein' is all you've been doin'.

b) Venture off into the wild depths of the tile-laden jungle with your pants around your ankles, searching for the TP that lies in the surrounding stalls. The problem with this is that, well... your pants are around your ankles because doin' 'em up could get messy. So this technique has to be done as quick as possible to avoid someone walking in on you and your assets.

c) If you think someone walking in on you would be way too hard to deal with, there are ways to get around it... if you're limber. You can do the "duck and roll" underneath the stall wall, or you can climb over top of it. Of course, if you get stuck in either position it would automatically be on your "most embarrassing moments" list.

d) Then there's my personal worst way to deal with the no TP situation. It's using that awful, hard cardboard tube that is left over when all the soft cushiness of toilet paper is gone. Frankly, this solution sucks. It's half a solution because it has no absorbing qualities and the risk of clogging the toilet is huge.

e) And if any of you have travelled to India, you'll know that finding toilet paper in the stalls there is weirder than not finding it here. They don't wipe, they splash. Keep it in mind.

Whatever decision you make won't be easy. Just go for it with confidence and you'll be fine, and hopefully dry.

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12 Comments

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What Would Be Worse?

  • No toilet paper?
  • No milk for your cereal?
  • No toothpaste?
  • You're asking me to choose?!

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

bookwormlestrange
I don't have ADHD, but I know plenty about it. One of my friends has ADHD and Tourette's, and the teachers were always turds about it. Anyway, i think that a good way to deal with ADHD acting up is either changing medication or trying to eat foods or drinks with caffeine. I'm not sure if it works for you, but a lot of people with ADHD have seen significant improvements after putting caffeine in their systems. If your friends are acting like turds, you need better friends. I hope my advice helps.
reply about 3 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
I have one so annoying sister, that it feels like I have 200 of them, oh my god. She's pounding on the door right now, HELP! 
reply about 15 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
Dad, obviously. I can't even explain what he does to me!
reply about 15 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
Well, if they are your BFFs, they shouldn't be teasing you to make you feel bad. Me, and my BFFs tease each other all the time playfully, but I understand that this is different, and if it's making you feel bad it isn't playful at all.   Maybe your eldest friend is having some trouble with family issues, bad grades, body changes, etc. It's okay to be angry, so maybe you should leave her space for a few days, and see if it turns better. If it isn't, then try to first make her calm down. Then, make her talk to you about why she is so angry and ask if you can try to help. If nothing turns out better, tell her that you feel uncomfortable, and you want her to talk to you.  For your 3rd eldest friend, support her as much as possible, and stand up for her in this terrible situation. If you are all BFFs, then you should all be very close and comfortable around each other, and the fight shouldn't last long. If not, they are not your real friends, and you have to go on without them. I have tons of advice on how to make new friends, so just ask me if you want to know. Your 2nd eldest friend seems to be the main problem.  First of all, tell her to stop, and say how you don't like her bullying you. You must say what she is doing wrong, and how it makes you feel. If she doesn't care, tell her you're serious, and you hate what she is doing to you. If it continues, ignore what trash she is saying, and just simply walk away. Focus on other things that will help make you feel better. Remember, all she is is a person, and it's up to you to act appropriately.  Stay positive, and calm. Focus on other things, and if she continues, tell her that you can all be friends and you miss her. Go get another friend to stand up with you, and tell her that you will report to an adult if she won't stop. She may be your friend, but she deserves it. I told on my BFF when she was mean, so it's all okay now.  If all else fails, get a trusted adult, and hang out with nicer friends. Your other friends will learn from their mistakes. If not, warn them, and give them a sincere kindness note of how you miss being friends. Then, also give one to the bully.
reply about 15 hours
AnnaOfExquizurd
Yeah, @CyclonicBass the best option really is to find a girl with a quirky personality. Become friends with her. Possibly, over time, she'll grow close to you and accept a request to be with you. Hope it goes well!
reply 1 day