Spare a Square?
How often have you been stuck in a public bathroom stall with no toilet paper after doin' your business? What do you do? This embarrassing situation is common among all of us but rarely talked about. I'm here to expose the already exposed, but in a slightly different way.
Here are some ways to deal with the situation:
1) Before you even start to pee you should check to see if there is any toilet paper, but I know that us crazy humans forget to do this all the time. So if you forgot to check and you're stuck:
- Peer underneath the stall walls to see if anyone is there. But make sure you don't peer too far because you don't wanna invade anyone's privacy. If someone's there, you're set. Ask them if they can "Spare a Square," as Seinfeld's Elaine says, and you're set.
- If no one's there, things get a little more uncomfortable. There are still options but they ain't pretty. You can:
a) Drip-dry. But of course this only applies if peein' is all you've been doin'.
b) Venture off into the wild depths of the tile-laden jungle with your pants around your ankles, searching for the TP that lies in the surrounding stalls. The problem with this is that, well... your pants are around your ankles because doin' 'em up could get messy. So this technique has to be done as quick as possible to avoid someone walking in on you and your assets.
c) If you think someone walking in on you would be way too hard to deal with, there are ways to get around it... if you're limber. You can do the "duck and roll" underneath the stall wall, or you can climb over top of it. Of course, if you get stuck in either position it would automatically be on your "most embarrassing moments" list.
d) Then there's my personal worst way to deal with the no TP situation. It's using that awful, hard cardboard tube that is left over when all the soft cushiness of toilet paper is gone. Frankly, this solution sucks. It's half a solution because it has no absorbing qualities and the risk of clogging the toilet is huge.
e) And if any of you have travelled to India, you'll know that finding toilet paper in the stalls there is weirder than not finding it here. They don't wipe, they splash. Keep it in mind.
Whatever decision you make won't be easy. Just go for it with confidence and you'll be fine, and hopefully dry.
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