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Dear Dish-It: How Do I Approach Him?

Dear Dish-It,

Last year I got a love note from some one. I know who it is. I don't know how to aproach him though. I know he still likes me. But again I dont know how to aproach him.

Zero


Dear Zero,


Sounds like you need to ask this guy out! Since you’re sure he likes you, it shouldn’t be that hard to do. Here are some tips.


Be in the right place. It's best to ask someone out in person, so you've got to make sure to be where the guy you have a crush on is. This could be at the mall, the movies, school, or maybe at the baseball field if he's an athlete. You don't want to look like a stalker, but you do want to be able to talk to him. The guy you want to ask out is most likely to say yes if it's someone you know and are constantly around, at least a few times a week. You should feel comfortable around him and this should be someone who you can talk to easily and will respect you.


Take the initiative. Unfortunately, many guys are too afraid to walk up to someone they're interested in and ask them out. Take matters into your own hands. Walk up to him slowly but don't creep him out, and introduce yourself. Even if you already know the guy really well, still walk up to him and try to make small talk. If he seems to be flirting, flirt back. Keep working at it until you're at full on flirt mode. Try not to do this if he's extremely busy, but at the same time, don't let the opportunity to talk to him pass you by just because you're nervous. If he seems receptive when you introduce yourself, keep on talking to him.


Make small talk with him. Break the ice by commenting on something he's wearing or saying something about the place or event you're at. Just try to get him to feel comfortable around you.


Commence flirting. This can mean touching him lightly on the arm, for example, or laughing at his jokes. Just be playful and communicate that you're interested. Sometimes you can flirt from afar and entice him to come over to you. Compliment him! For example you could say something like, "I love your cologne."


Ask him non-intrusive questions about himself, such as what kinds of things he likes to do, what his favorite kind of food is, or if he likes to play sports. By asking harmless little questions you can find out more about him to determine if you really want to ask him out, and you might find out whether or not he's single. You can also set up the conversation to ask him out.


Ask him out. Once you find something you both have in common, ask if he'd like to do it together sometime. Do NOT just rush up to him and say the words or ask a friend to ask him out for you! Guys hate that. It is embarrassing. If you don't succeed in finding something you have in common, you might not really find him that interesting, but if you want to take a chance, just let him know that you'd like to hang out with him again.

  • If he says no, at least he knows you are interested and may get to want to know you more, or if he seems like he needs more time, don't get too upset; work on your friendship, getting closer and building up trust. Chances are he'll change his mind. Just be patient and wait to see what happens. Just say, "Oh, that's okay, maybe another time." Don't be rude and don't hold a grudge. There is no faster way to turn off a guy than to hold a grudge against him for not being as "into" you as you are into him.
  • If he says yes, plan where and when you will go out, and don't forget to have fun. Since you asked, you should pay for the date, unless he insists. If he wants to pay for the date, then hey - no arguments there, right? Let him pay for the date if he insists--it makes him look like a gentleman and may also indicate that he is serious about pursuing you, which is what you were hoping for in the first place! On a first date, it is recommended that you go to the movies or somewhere with a lot of people, that way, there won't be any awkward silences. Don't expect a kiss on the first date, if it happens, it happens, if not, hopefully there will be a second one.


    More Tips

  • Ask him out on a group date first.
  • After your first date, don't go and tell your friends exactly what you did and exactly what he said.
  • Be confident about it. Guys are "supposed to" ask girls out, and any girl who defies this "rule" is worth considering.
  • Before you ask him out make sure that you are alone together. Never ask him out when he is at a table surrounded by a group of friends.
  • On the day you plan to ask the guy out, make sure to wear an outfit that gives you confidence. This will make you much more comfortable and give you the courage to make your move. You want to appear relaxed and comfortable when asking him out.
  • Remember, you have nothing to be nervous about. Guys typically love being asked out, since they're the ones usually doing all the work in these situations.
  • Take the time to get to know him better. Talk to him and work on becoming friends. Spend time with each other just talking and building up trust. When you've gotten to know each other better, the fear of asking him out will naturally melt away.
  • Always smile, it will be interpreted as confidence. Looking down and muttering will just make you seem uninterested or not very date-worthy.
  • The most IMPORTANT thing is to TALK TO HIM. Don't guess at his intentions, don't over-analyze a look, a gesture, a sentence, etc. The only way you will truly know if he likes you is if he tells you.
  • NEVER use an indirect approach to ask a guy out, EVER! This includes notes, friends asking for you, etc. Most every guy prefers the direct approach. If you give a guy a note he doesn't know you or isn't sure who it's from he will most likely ignore it. If you have your friends ask him it's not only a turn off but can be very intimidating, especially when there girls and even more when they come up to him in a group (this normally is a sign of trouble for guys and he'll think he did something wrong). Unless he is desperate or you're drop dead gorgeous he'll most likely turn you down. If you're too shy to ask him with your words, you can turn an indirect approach into a direct one, such as giving him a letter yourself. This is not recommended as a good idea but it's best if you're too shy, he just might understand that your shy and if he says no it will be more gentle. Although some guys might think shy girls are cute. The direct approach is always better though.

  • 26 Comments

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    astucieuse331
    astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
    I feel like that too! I know where you're coming from, but believe me, I've moved on. Those people? Bleh. Not worth my time, and certainly don't deserve me.  You described me exactly: good with people and friends, but don't have a best friend at all, and others really don't care whether I'm lonely or sad. Well, it might sound crazy, but guess what? I've found a friend in me instead of others. I've learned to accept that you can't please everyone, and that some of the fish in the sea aren't worth wasting your time on. So I've become independent, to learn to depend on myself more than to rely on others. Trust me, it works, and I think it'll work for you. But if you really need a friend, me and @alienincognito are here to talk to you if you need us! @alienincognito: LOL! DUDE! That's HOW I THINK! Whenever one of my friends talks behind my back or backstabs me, I'm like, "Ah, whatever, 'screw em, I'll let Karma take over! I ain't letting those negative peeps ruin my day." Maybe you, me, and hasti10 could start a group where we can talk to each other!  :) :D 8)
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    astucieuse331
    astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
    I've always felt the same way. My one best friend gossiped behind my back, used me, all that girl stuff. She took me for advantage and we had a bunch of fights because of her finding a new friend and completely acting as if I didn't exist, and I told her to give me at least some attention every once in a while if she can't even continue to talk to me daily. And.. I lost her. Well, she lost me. We both lost each other. But then I realized.. it's the people that you least expect to be nice to you you'll find kindness in. Why? Based on personal experience, and I'll tell you the story: For my gym class, me and my peers were supposed to make a group for a dance. This was when my best friend had found a new friend already, and the time at which we had a few fights because of that. Of course, I relied on my best friend to count me in her dance group. At lunchtime, I sat together with my best friend, and we ate our lunches in silence. All of a sudden, I brought up the dance groups and asked her straightforwardly: "Can I join your group?" No reply. "Kelly, can I join your group?" No reply. "I mean, since our class is uneven, I found it fair that there'd be a group of five, you know?" None at all. Kelly ignored me straight off the bat, leaving me speechless. My mind raced with thoughts, and I thought, maybe it's not worth having Kelly as a friend. A few days later, we were playing Dodgeball for gym. I was on Kelly's team, and overheard her talking with her new friends about who to pick for the dance group. One of her friends mentioned me, and Kelly said: "Oh no, we shouldn't pick her because _____ (I don't know what she said then)." I was shocked, but was anticipating it, so when the time came to choose groups, I saw my friend, Luke, ask two girls, Cher and Bridgette, to join their group. Surprisingly, Cher and Bridgette actually accepted him, and so I thought, "Wow, if they accepted Luke, they might accept me aswell!" and so built up the courage to ask them if I could join. Even though Cher and Bridgette were mean to me sometimes, I knew that I had to risk it and see what'd happen. Afterall, rejection is just another opportunity to find a better group. Little did I know, it'd be the best choice of my life. They were so happy, and even thanked me for joining them! I was speechless once more; I never knew that the peers that I thought I would never be friends with would actually be my friends!  So yeah, that's what I learnt, and I never regretted learning that fact. Ever since then, though, I've learnt not to trust people as much as I used to anymore. I learnt that independency is what works for me, what I was meant for in terms of socializing or working. But, other things may work for you. If you still want a friend, you can be independent and wait for the right person. However, if you still want a real friend, you can wait, but still mingle (hang out) with other people! I I'm not going to make fun of you because I know how you've felt, just as I stated in my past problem before. But you can move on from those friends, they're not worth your time and certainly don't deserve you as a friend. Trust me, if it's meant to be, you'll definitely find a true friend. But if it's not, you may become like me, finding happiness in my own way. I want to remind you though-- you don't need someone to stay happy, or keep you company. This may sound silly, but you can even have your own invisible friends! I've had one, but that's very rarely for me. It's not silly though if you see the general idea; usually these friends are made from different dimensions of your personality or just because of will. There's a lot more fish in the sea, though, so I'm sure you'll find a true friend that's meant for you  :) Take care, and I hope you'll find a true friend soon!
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    ts01
    ts01 posted in Friends:
    im so sorry you girls feel that way.true friends are there, its just easier to find users because they are more plentiful. dont give up, you will find real friends eventually
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    lolflowergirl
    lolflowergirl posted in Friends:
    i feel alone too
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    kayme123
    kayme123 posted in Friends:
    i know the feeling. but i got taken off a website instead of my friends. i can assure you they probably feel the same and are missing you, BUT its not worth dwelling over it. friends come and go without any choice in life and trust me, i lost the love of my life and my two of the best friends in the world. The thing is, you have to move on, because they wouldent want you feeling sad over them right? they'd want you to be the happy person you were when you were with them! for starters, i'll be your friend so your not scared to make some new ones. To be honest, i went through the exact same thing as you did and it DOES hurt very bad. But once you find some people that are willing to make you feel better, you know you've chosen the right friends again
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