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Dear Dish-It: How Do I Approach Him?

Love & Dating Advice

Dear Dish-It,

Last year I got a love note from some one. I know who it is. I don't know how to aproach him though. I know he still likes me. But again I dont know how to aproach him.

Zero

Dear Zero,

Sounds like you need to ask this guy out! Since you’re sure he likes you, it shouldn’t be that hard to do. Here are some tips.

Be in the right place. It's best to ask someone out in person, so you've got to make sure to be where the guy you have a crush on is. This could be at the mall, the movies, school, or maybe at the baseball field if he's an athlete. You don't want to look like a stalker, but you do want to be able to talk to him. The guy you want to ask out is most likely to say yes if it's someone you know and are constantly around, at least a few times a week. You should feel comfortable around him and this should be someone who you can talk to easily and will respect you.

Take the initiative. Unfortunately, many guys are too afraid to walk up to someone they're interested in and ask them out. Take matters into your own hands. Walk up to him slowly but don't creep him out, and introduce yourself. Even if you already know the guy really well, still walk up to him and try to make small talk. If he seems to be flirting, flirt back. Keep working at it until you're at full on flirt mode. Try not to do this if he's extremely busy, but at the same time, don't let the opportunity to talk to him pass you by just because you're nervous. If he seems receptive when you introduce yourself, keep on talking to him.

Make small talk with him. Break the ice by commenting on something he's wearing or saying something about the place or event you're at. Just try to get him to feel comfortable around you.

Commence flirting. This can mean touching him lightly on the arm, for example, or laughing at his jokes. Just be playful and communicate that you're interested. Sometimes you can flirt from afar and entice him to come over to you. Compliment him! For example you could say something like, "I love your cologne."

Ask him non-intrusive questions about himself, such as what kinds of things he likes to do, what his favorite kind of food is, or if he likes to play sports. By asking harmless little questions you can find out more about him to determine if you really want to ask him out, and you might find out whether or not he's single. You can also set up the conversation to ask him out.

Ask him out. Once you find something you both have in common, ask if he'd like to do it together sometime. Do NOT just rush up to him and say the words or ask a friend to ask him out for you! Guys hate that. It is embarrassing. If you don't succeed in finding something you have in common, you might not really find him that interesting, but if you want to take a chance, just let him know that you'd like to hang out with him again.

If he says no, at least he knows you are interested and may get to want to know you more, or if he seems like he needs more time, don't get too upset; work on your friendship, getting closer and building up trust. Chances are he'll change his mind. Just be patient and wait to see what happens. Just say, "Oh, that's okay, maybe another time." Don't be rude and don't hold a grudge. There is no faster way to turn off a guy than to hold a grudge against him for not being as "into" you as you are into him.

If he says yes, plan where and when you will go out, and don't forget to have fun. Since you asked, you should pay for the date, unless he insists. If he wants to pay for the date, then hey - no arguments there, right? Let him pay for the date if he insists--it makes him look like a gentleman and may also indicate that he is serious about pursuing you, which is what you were hoping for in the first place! On a first date, it is recommended that you go to the movies or somewhere with a lot of people, that way, there won't be any awkward silences. Don't expect a kiss on the first date, if it happens, it happens, if not, hopefully there will be a second one.

More Tips

Ask him out on a group date first.

After your first date, don't go and tell your friends exactly what you did and exactly what he said.

Be confident about it. Guys are "supposed to" ask girls out, and any girl who defies this "rule" is worth considering.

Before you ask him out make sure that you are alone together. Never ask him out when he is at a table surrounded by a group of friends.

On the day you plan to ask the guy out, make sure to wear an outfit that gives you confidence. This will make you much more comfortable and give you the courage to make your move. You want to appear relaxed and comfortable when asking him out.

Remember, you have nothing to be nervous about. Guys typically love being asked out, since they're the ones usually doing all the work in these situations.

Take the time to get to know him better. Talk to him and work on becoming friends. Spend time with each other just talking and building up trust. When you've gotten to know each other better, the fear of asking him out will naturally melt away.

Always smile, it will be interpreted as confidence. Looking down and muttering will just make you seem uninterested or not very date-worthy.

The most IMPORTANT thing is to TALK TO HIM. Don't guess at his intentions, don't over-analyze a look, a gesture, a sentence, etc. The only way you will truly know if he likes you is if he tells you.

NEVER use an indirect approach to ask a guy out, EVER! This includes notes, friends asking for you, etc. Most every guy prefers the direct approach. If you give a guy a note he doesn't know you or isn't sure who it's from he will most likely ignore it. If you have your friends ask him it's not only a turn off but can be very intimidating, especially when there girls and even more when they come up to him in a group (this normally is a sign of trouble for guys and he'll think he did something wrong). Unless he is desperate or you're drop dead gorgeous he'll most likely turn you down. If you're too shy to ask him with your words, you can turn an indirect approach into a direct one, such as giving him a letter yourself. This is not recommended as a good idea but it's best if you're too shy, he just might understand that your shy and if he says no it will be more gentle. Although some guys might think shy girls are cute. The direct approach is always better though.