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Dear Dish-It, My Friend Dumped Me

Dear Dish-It,

I am 14 years old and I have two best friends. In school I had friends, but they were the not so popular kids. I finally found this one girl who seemed really nice but then started being mean. There are these two other girls who she always hangs with and never calls me or anything - and then she started talking about me behind my back. When we are alone we usually get along but when another person is around she ignores me and I am the one usually left out and she doesn't seem to care. But if I stop being her friend then I am scared I won't have any. I want to be popular. Can you tell me how to get over her and how to make new friends. Thank you so much.
In need of help


Dear In need of help,

I'm a little confused by your letter. First you say you have two best friends, then you say you're worried about having no friends. Listen, even if this girl who is mean to you is your only friend in the universe, you are better off without her damage. She's not a friend at all. It sounds kinda like she's using you - for what I don't know. Maybe she's got no self-esteem and always has to be around someone so she calls you to fill the space. Maybe she does really like you but is scared you won't fit in with her other peeps. In the end, her reason for the cruelty isn't as important as the fact that she is, in fact, a brat to you.


It's going to be hard but you need to let go. If she's popular it's not for the right reasons cuz she's obviously not a very nice person. And what exactly is popular anyway? To me, it's being better than normal at being average. Popular people aren't usually the ones who stand-out cuz they do their own thing. I know right now it seems like what every single person in school (including your janitor) thinks of you is important, but in the long run - it ain't. Take a chill pill when it comes to the quest for popularity and focus your energy on being a good person and finding good peeps to hang with. In the end, you'll enjoy your teen years a lot more.


Dear Dish-It,

Me and my friend Lauren WERE friends for 11 1/2 years, then two years ago she stopped talking to me. I thought she was just busy. So one day I had a different friend come over (April) and me and her were playing in the snow. Lauren came out with her neighbor and started a fight with me and April! They said we have no friends (which isn't true) and everything. Then, a different day, Lauren did it again on the school bus and me and April told the assistant principal, and the assistant principal talked to Lauren, but it didn't help at all. I just got a two month-old beagle puppy and Lauren came over to see the puppy and when I'm around my mom she acts like and angel but she isn't. I really want to be friends with her again but she doesn't want to be friends with me. I miss her and our friendship. How can I talk to Lauren without her getting an attitude? *Cries* I miss Lauren. Even though she lives right next to me, I'm nervous to talk to her and ask her if we can be friends again! HELP! *cries some more*
dreamstreethotgrl


Dear dreamstreethotgrl,

Why in the world do you still want to be friends with a girl who is bent on making you miserable? Come on, girlfriend, I don't even know you and I know you deserve better. Here's the dealio - the Lauren you know doesn't want to come out and play anymore. She's turned into a different person for some reason and this person ain't at all sugar and spice - or anything nice. It's okay to miss her and stuff, but I would just move on. You could always write her a letter, since she lives next door. I'd just say something like: "Look Lauren, I thought we were great friends and I loved hanging with you but you've changed and you're mean and I can't hang with you like that. If you ever want to try and be my friend again, let me know. If not let it go and don't keep buggin me, K?" Leave it at that. That way you get to say your peace and not deal with her 'tude. Good luck and keep hanging with April and your other nice friends. Give your beagle a pat for me!


So, ya got a burnin' question? Need some love direction? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex, how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. But remember, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your "username," ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one will ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters every day, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble! Oh! And if ya got words of wisdom you wanna share, we'll dish 'em up, too.


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    astucieuse331
    astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
    I've always felt the same way. My one best friend gossiped behind my back, used me, all that girl stuff. She took me for advantage and we had a bunch of fights because of her finding a new friend and completely acting as if I didn't exist, and I told her to give me at least some attention every once in a while if she can't even continue to talk to me daily. And.. I lost her. Well, she lost me. We both lost each other. But then I realized.. it's the people that you least expect to be nice to you you'll find kindness in. Why? Based on personal experience, and I'll tell you the story: For my gym class, me and my peers were supposed to make a group for a dance. This was when my best friend had found a new friend already, and the time at which we had a few fights because of that. Of course, I relied on my best friend to count me in her dance group. At lunchtime, I sat together with my best friend, and we ate our lunches in silence. All of a sudden, I brought up the dance groups and asked her straightforwardly: "Can I join your group?" No reply. "Kelly, can I join your group?" No reply. "I mean, since our class is uneven, I found it fair that there'd be a group of five, you know?" None at all. Kelly ignored me straight off the bat, leaving me speechless. My mind raced with thoughts, and I thought, maybe it's not worth having Kelly as a friend. A few days later, we were playing Dodgeball for gym. I was on Kelly's team, and overheard her talking with her new friends about who to pick for the dance group. One of her friends mentioned me, and Kelly said: "Oh no, we shouldn't pick her because _____ (I don't know what she said then)." I was shocked, but was anticipating it, so when the time came to choose groups, I saw my friend, Luke, ask two girls, Cher and Bridgette, to join their group. Surprisingly, Cher and Bridgette actually accepted him, and so I thought, "Wow, if they accepted Luke, they might accept me aswell!" and so built up the courage to ask them if I could join. Even though Cher and Bridgette were mean to me sometimes, I knew that I had to risk it and see what'd happen. Afterall, rejection is just another opportunity to find a better group. Little did I know, it'd be the best choice of my life. They were so happy, and even thanked me for joining them! I was speechless once more; I never knew that the peers that I thought I would never be friends with would actually be my friends!  So yeah, that's what I learnt, and I never regretted learning that fact. Ever since then, though, I've learnt not to trust people as much as I used to anymore. I learnt that independency is what works for me, what I was meant for in terms of socializing or working. But, other things may work for you. If you still want a friend, you can be independent and wait for the right person. However, if you still want a real friend, you can wait, but still mingle (hang out) with other people! I I'm not going to make fun of you because I know how you've felt, just as I stated in my past problem before. But you can move on from those friends, they're not worth your time and certainly don't deserve you as a friend. Trust me, if it's meant to be, you'll definitely find a true friend. But if it's not, you may become like me, finding happiness in my own way. I want to remind you though-- you don't need someone to stay happy, or keep you company. This may sound silly, but you can even have your own invisible friends! I've had one, but that's very rarely for me. It's not silly though if you see the general idea; usually these friends are made from different dimensions of your personality or just because of will. There's a lot more fish in the sea, though, so I'm sure you'll find a true friend that's meant for you  :) Take care, and I hope you'll find a true friend soon!
    reply about 14 hours
    ts01
    ts01 posted in Friends:
    im so sorry you girls feel that way.true friends are there, its just easier to find users because they are more plentiful. dont give up, you will find real friends eventually
    reply about 15 hours
    lolflowergirl
    lolflowergirl posted in Friends:
    i feel alone too
    reply about 17 hours
    kayme123
    kayme123 posted in Friends:
    i know the feeling. but i got taken off a website instead of my friends. i can assure you they probably feel the same and are missing you, BUT its not worth dwelling over it. friends come and go without any choice in life and trust me, i lost the love of my life and my two of the best friends in the world. The thing is, you have to move on, because they wouldent want you feeling sad over them right? they'd want you to be the happy person you were when you were with them! for starters, i'll be your friend so your not scared to make some new ones. To be honest, i went through the exact same thing as you did and it DOES hurt very bad. But once you find some people that are willing to make you feel better, you know you've chosen the right friends again
    reply 1 day
    Irene_love
    Irene_love posted in Style:
    "1.am.3m0" wrote:Hey. Im also turning 15 soon. So dont worry you arent alone hahah. Start dressing for your shape and also find whats comfortable.  Because if you wear something that is uncomfortable you wont be happy and happiness is the best look :) Most of the time I wear jeans with a graphic tshirt or singlet and a cardigan or light jacket. Hoodies are great for winter. And I wear combat boots like doc martins and converse. Hope I helped somehow! :)
    reply 1 day

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