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Dear Dish-It: Scared and Paranoid

Dear Dish-it,

I live in Japan, where the huge earthquake hit about three or four weeks ago, and I'm getting totally scared. The aftershocks and the nuclear situation is really getting scary. Every time I hear the earthquake warning, I jump right out of my skin and start sprinting off outside. How do I overcome my fear?

WorriedAsUsual19

Dear WorriedAsUsual19,

I’m sorry to hear about your fear, but I’m really happy that you’re OK! Being scared after a major disaster like the earthquake and tsunami that recently occurred in Japan is totally normal…and there are some things you can do to help overcome your worries.

Talk A Lot

The first thing you can do to make yourself feel better is talk to someone about it! Tell your mom, dad or another adult that you trust what your concerns are and why. If your friends feel the same way as you do, talking to them can help as well – just try not to get each other all worked up over nothing. Talking about your feelings with others can be a great way to take the load of your chest and come up with other ways to cope.

Reassure Yourself

Talking to yourself can help, too. I don’t mean you should walk around muttering under your breath (!); maybe before you go to sleep every night or when you wake up in the morning you can say to yourself, “I’m safe, everything is OK,” a few times. It’s amazing how much you can calm yourself down!

Get the Facts

Sometimes all the news reports about a disaster can make it seem like things are worse than they really are. That’s why it’s important to filter the info you hear to make sure you know the facts of the situation.Whenever you hear something that scares, worries or confuses you on the news or read it in the paper, make sure to ask an adult like your teacher what’s true and what’s not. Also, while it is very important to stay aware of what’s happening around you, I also recommend taking some time off from reading/watching those bad news reports every day (or, take some “time on” to look for good news stories that can make you feel better and more hopeful). Once you’ve got the facts, there’s no need to keep listening or watching – it may only make you feel more worried, needlessly.

Be Ready

Another way to “get the facts” is to read up on earthquakes and tsunamis – the more you know about how these natural events work, the better you might feel about them. Also, learning what to do in case of another earthquake or tsunami can reassure you that you’ll be able to stay safe and protected no matter what may happen in the future. Finally, putting together an earthquake emergency kit and making a safety plan with your family to keep in your home can also provide some extra reassurance in case another tremor happens in the future.

Feel Grateful

Can anything good come out of a natural disaster? Yes – people who live through these events, like you, eventually feel a sense of gratitude for surviving. They often understand better than most of us that life is precious and that we should enjoy every moment of it the best we can! It make take some time for you to feel this way, but in the meantime, try looking on the bright side – you made it through this, and you still have the opportunity to live a wonderful, happy life!

Go On

When bad things happen, it can be easy to dwell on them. However, living a life full of fear and worry about what COULD happen instead of focusing on the good things that ARE happening is not the best idea. I understand that you are feeling shaken up about this, but at some point you need to tell yourself that it’s over and it’s time to move on…you don’t want to live in fear anymore, do you? Don’t let this take over your life when you have so much to live for and be grateful for!

Get Close

Something else that could help is reminding the people around you how much you love and care for them – and reminding yourself of that, too! Write you mom a note, give your dad a hug, tell your friends how much they mean to you – recognizing the good things in life is an important part of the healing process.

Pitch In

If there are any clubs or groups in your area that are pitching in to help out with relief after the earthquake/tsunami, why not see if you can join in their efforts and help out? Doing something positive to give back to your community could really go a long way in making you feel better – you’ll feel like you’re doing something to help the country of Japan – and yourself – move on and rebuild!

HAVE YOUR SAY: What do you think WorriedAsUsual19 should do? Do you have some good advice? Leave your comment below!

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

astucieuse331
astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
I've always felt the same way. My one best friend gossiped behind my back, used me, all that girl stuff. She took me for advantage and we had a bunch of fights because of her finding a new friend and completely acting as if I didn't exist, and I told her to give me at least some attention every once in a while if she can't even continue to talk to me daily. And.. I lost her. Well, she lost me. We both lost each other. But then I realized.. it's the people that you least expect to be nice to you you'll find kindness in. Why? Based on personal experience, and I'll tell you the story: For my gym class, me and my peers were supposed to make a group for a dance. This was when my best friend had found a new friend already, and the time at which we had a few fights because of that. Of course, I relied on my best friend to count me in her dance group. At lunchtime, I sat together with my best friend, and we ate our lunches in silence. All of a sudden, I brought up the dance groups and asked her straightforwardly: "Can I join your group?" No reply. "Kelly, can I join your group?" No reply. "I mean, since our class is uneven, I found it fair that there'd be a group of five, you know?" None at all. Kelly ignored me straight off the bat, leaving me speechless. My mind raced with thoughts, and I thought, maybe it's not worth having Kelly as a friend. A few days later, we were playing Dodgeball for gym. I was on Kelly's team, and overheard her talking with her new friends about who to pick for the dance group. One of her friends mentioned me, and Kelly said: "Oh no, we shouldn't pick her because _____ (I don't know what she said then)." I was shocked, but was anticipating it, so when the time came to choose groups, I saw my friend, Luke, ask two girls, Cher and Bridgette, to join their group. Surprisingly, Cher and Bridgette actually accepted him, and so I thought, "Wow, if they accepted Luke, they might accept me aswell!" and so built up the courage to ask them if I could join. Even though Cher and Bridgette were mean to me sometimes, I knew that I had to risk it and see what'd happen. Afterall, rejection is just another opportunity to find a better group. Little did I know, it'd be the best choice of my life. They were so happy, and even thanked me for joining them! I was speechless once more; I never knew that the peers that I thought I would never be friends with would actually be my friends!  So yeah, that's what I learnt, and I never regretted learning that fact. Ever since then, though, I've learnt not to trust people as much as I used to anymore. I learnt that independency is what works for me, what I was meant for in terms of socializing or working. But, other things may work for you. If you still want a friend, you can be independent and wait for the right person. However, if you still want a real friend, you can wait, but still mingle (hang out) with other people! I I'm not going to make fun of you because I know how you've felt, just as I stated in my past problem before. But you can move on from those friends, they're not worth your time and certainly don't deserve you as a friend. Trust me, if it's meant to be, you'll definitely find a true friend. But if it's not, you may become like me, finding happiness in my own way. I want to remind you though-- you don't need someone to stay happy, or keep you company. This may sound silly, but you can even have your own invisible friends! I've had one, but that's very rarely for me. It's not silly though if you see the general idea; usually these friends are made from different dimensions of your personality or just because of will. There's a lot more fish in the sea, though, so I'm sure you'll find a true friend that's meant for you  :) Take care, and I hope you'll find a true friend soon!
reply about 10 hours
ts01
ts01 posted in Friends:
im so sorry you girls feel that way.true friends are there, its just easier to find users because they are more plentiful. dont give up, you will find real friends eventually
reply about 11 hours
lolflowergirl
lolflowergirl posted in Friends:
i feel alone too
reply about 13 hours
kayme123
kayme123 posted in Friends:
i know the feeling. but i got taken off a website instead of my friends. i can assure you they probably feel the same and are missing you, BUT its not worth dwelling over it. friends come and go without any choice in life and trust me, i lost the love of my life and my two of the best friends in the world. The thing is, you have to move on, because they wouldent want you feeling sad over them right? they'd want you to be the happy person you were when you were with them! for starters, i'll be your friend so your not scared to make some new ones. To be honest, i went through the exact same thing as you did and it DOES hurt very bad. But once you find some people that are willing to make you feel better, you know you've chosen the right friends again
reply about 22 hours
Irene_love
Irene_love posted in Style:
"1.am.3m0" wrote:Hey. Im also turning 15 soon. So dont worry you arent alone hahah. Start dressing for your shape and also find whats comfortable.  Because if you wear something that is uncomfortable you wont be happy and happiness is the best look :) Most of the time I wear jeans with a graphic tshirt or singlet and a cardigan or light jacket. Hoodies are great for winter. And I wear combat boots like doc martins and converse. Hope I helped somehow! :)
reply about 23 hours

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