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Dear Dish-It Advice on Bullying

Apr 18, 2017

Recently we celebrated Anti-Bullying Day by wearing pink t-shirts. Today on Dear Dish-It, we are drawing back to the important cause, which is still affecting many kids and teens. This week’s “Let’s Talk About It Tuesday” will cover questions on bullying. This is a very serious subject, which affects a lot of kids and teens. There were countless questions from kids and teens experiencing bullying, and we hope this article will shed some light for all of you.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Question by Awesome789

Dear Dish, at school, there are these boys who play soccer every day. But they don't let any girls play. Once I asked and they made up a lie saying that the game had already started and they never let anyone who comes late join. Then I told a teacher, I finally got to play but only once. And that one time they kept swearing at me and my friends. They still never let me play. But now they are bothering me a lot in class. They keep teasing me over and over again which is bullying. And I still want to play soccer with them. The two solutions I already tried are stop trying to play with them. The second one is play with someone else. I have tried both these solutions but they are not working. Got any advice? Please help me with this situation because it is making my concentration on school go down.

Advice/Insight:

It sounds like you want to be accepted by these boys, but do you really want to play with people who bully you? Go where you are welcome, otherwise, it’s never going to feel good to be apart of something that brings you down. Good for you for sticking up for yourself, but it didn’t amount to anything positive. If anything it made things worse because now they are bothering you at school. Did you really enjoy playing soccer with those boys? Do you really want to do it again or do you just want to feel accepted by them? Don’t let them get away with bullying you. Tell someone. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Please read the “Afterthoughts” at the end of this article for some tips on dealing with bullying. Regardless, you shouldn’t want to play with people who don’t want to play with you. If they have to make up a lie, or only play with you when they are obligated to, it doesn’t sound like a fair relationship. I know it hurts, but focus on other people who want you around. Try to form your own game and make it better than theirs by letting anyone play. It’s not nice or polite to be exclusive like that and you’re better off not associating with these kinds of people.

Question by Useless

My sister is being bullied, ad really [wants] help! When my sister tells me something that happened at school and I ask her if she needs help, she says it's fine. It's now been getting worse. I keep telling her I am tired of this and going to do something about this, she says ''I can do this! I can handle this!" But all that happens is the bullying gets worse! How can I help her without her getting mad at me?

Advice/Insight:

You’re going to have to break it to your sister that there are some secrets you just can’t keep. A licensed therapist can’t keep information about a patient self-harming, or harming anyone else. Abuse is not and should not be tolerated. You need to help your sister, and while she might be mad at first, hopefully later she will be grateful because it sounds like she needs to see some change in her life. Don’t feel bad, read the Afterthoughts at the end of this article and see how you can help your sister. I would suggest talking to your parents, and then talking to the school because the longer it continues the worse it is going to be for your sister. People are often scared to speak out because they think things will get even worse. Do what you can to reassure your sister that it will all be alright. Remind her she doesn’t deserve this treatment and it hurts you too much not to do anything about it. In her own way, she is turning to you for help, she doesn’t know what else to do. Take action and don’t feel guilty about it, she will forgive you in time. Explain to her that her safety was at risk and as her sister you can’t sit back and do nothing about it. 

Bullying Breaks ConfidenceBullying Breaks Confidence

Question by babyqueenbee

Dear dish-it, how do I fit in and make friends and prevent bullying to happen to me, babyqueen OUT

Advice/Insight:

Are you currently experiencing bullying or just afraid that you might be subjected to it? Sounds like you are having a really hard time fitting in, but that you’d like to. I’d suggest talking to some new people, getting involved in school affairs, activates and sports teams. Try to be outgoing and see where that gets you. Sometimes it’s not about fitting in, but finding a few good friends we can trust and who show us, love. I get the sense that you just want a friend. You want to feel like you belong. Try some new tactics, and give it time, eventually, you will find where you fit in. For some reason, if you find that you don’t really fit it, that’s perfectly fine. Embrace your individuality and remember that this is just a part of your life, but it’s not forever, and things will change for the better.

Some of the Worst Bullying is Done OnlineSome of the Worst Bullying is Done Online

Afterthoughts

Bullying is difficult because sometimes it just doesn’t stop, even when you are trying to put an end to it, and sometimes that can make it worse. There are a lot of things you can try to see if anything changes or improves. Here are some ways that students and teachers can deal with bullying:

  • You can act with awareness and confidence
  • People are less likely to bother you if they have no effect on you. Walk away with confidence and don’t look back, get back to doing something that makes you feel good
  • Make graceful exits as the best self-defense tactic is known as “target denial”, meaning, “don’t be there.” Always leave an unsafe situation and report it.
  • If you witness bullying about to occur, look out for younger kids and standby. The simple use of your presence might stop any interactions
  • If someone near you or beside you is bullying you, tell your teacher and ask to be moved
  • Use your voice, let other people know you are in a harmful situation, don’t be afraid to shout, “Stop!” Or to yell for help
  • Practice how to call for help in a way that will bring attention to the problem. For example, “STOP! GET OUT OF MY WAY! HELP! GET THE TEACHER! ________(name) IS BULLYING ME!
  • As a witness it is your job to run and get help right away, don’t think that you shouldn’t get involved, you should
  • As a teacher, reinstate good values with your students by encouraging them to respect others and refrain from bullying of any kind
  • Teachers should also state the consequences for bullying and how there is a no tolerance policy
  • Ensure that students are aware that this lack of tolerance also applies to any online/social media bullying
  • Remind students that if they don’t feel safe speaking out about their bullying that it is their job to get an adult to help them because if no one knows about it, nothing can be done
  • Use your wise mind and speak up about bullying, even if it’s someone else in trouble, do the right thing to help prevent this cruelty. 

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Do you suffer from bullying? Did you find this advice helpful? Comment below!

 

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

Wonderfulcalico
My parents have always been aggressive and abusive and I only just noticed it a couple months ago. Over time they've gotten worse (specifically my mother). Whenever she gets mad she'll yell at us and if she gets mad enough she'll hit and push us around. Whoever we get into arguments it's always one- sided and she always wins, even if she knows she is wrong. An argument we had not to long ago was about me not taking care of myself. She looked at my hair and started to touch it and told me "Your hair isn't soft why is it so dry, it's probably because you aren't taking care of your hair." Then she goes on to tell me that she's going to cut it and all of this other stuff when she knows I'm conscious about me looking like a boy ( Used to get called a boy for having short hair). As the argument goes on, I start to tell her things that she knows she is wrong about. She proceeds to yell at me then grabs me by the face and say "If you don't lower your tone and listen to what I'm saying I'm going to knock you in the head." Then she goes on to tell me she remembers nothing I was saying and that it's a lie. She also hit me when I didn't clean the laundry room correctly and whenever she gets fed up. I'm constantly having to watch what I say and do, because I'm scared that I'm going to end up hurt. She also likes to degrade me and tell how bad I'm doing. She's said plenty of thing like when I didn't have my bed covers tucked in she yelled at me and hit me and I said "Do you expect me to just stand here and take this", and she replied saying "That's what you are supposed to do you are the child and I am the adult, you take whatever I do until I'm done." Another time is when I had my band concert and I had to pick out the right attire. When we went shopping to get the clothing I chose slacks when she liked a skirt better, we went on to fight in the store and she bought the slacks. When we got home she said to me that real girls wear skirts and dresses and boys wear slacks and pants. This hurt me because she knows I have a past with people telling me I look like a boy etc. Another time I started to sleep on the floor, because I was practicing a minimalist life. When I left my pillows on the floor she found it and questioned me on why they were there. I told her it fell of my bed when really I left it there. Later when I told my dad, he told her and she got mad because I was getting cat hair on my pillows. She then proceeded to ask why I lied and I told her sometimes lying is better then the truth (I knew she would get mad that I was sleeping on the floor so I lied) then she told me that I was never going to have a relationship, a job, or friends ( This hurt me because I don't have friends now). She's also said that I don't take care of my body because I ate two sweets in one day which lead her to banning me from Doritos and now I have to ask to get chips and any other snack. She's told me I don't take care of my teeth because I have yellow spots from using whitening toothpaste with braces on. She's told me I don't take care of my hair so I can't wash it or do any hair style or then a bun. She had lead me to starving myself (Unless she makes me eat) and cutting myself. I've just stopped caring, because what ever I do is always wrong. I never get a choice in my activities, she controls my life in fact she me just in a different body. But what is even worse is that she's turning my dad into her. Now I have a scheduled time to eat breakfast and lunch, and to go onto my electronics. I feel like I'm in a prison with my parents constantly watching over me, in fact yesterday when I was pouring my milk my mom got out a measuring cup and poured my milk into the measuring cup and said "Why isn't this a full cup" and I replied saying "Because I don't measure my milk." Then she got angry at me. There's so much I could say about her, but I'll stop. Anyways my father is always sarcastic and he doesn't realize how much it hurts me. Today I was cleaning out my bag for next school year and my dad came in and said, "Wow, you aren't even dress yet and I had to come up here to tell you how sad." Just little things like that hurt me. My little sister got mad at me last week for sitting in a certain area and she said " Why are you sitting there," and I didn't reply because I didn't want to speak to her and she then said, "Probably because you are too stupid to answer." I wanted to break down crying then and there, but I kept it in. I've limited my talking to her, because all she does is break me down. Like when there was a Proactive commercial and she said, "Ha, you need that." That hurt me because just the other my mom was telling me how I don't take care of my face and that's why I have acne. My older sister and I barely talk, because whenever I try to talk to her she's mad for what ever reason and when my parents were talking about hitting my sister she was in the corner laughing. My cat Preston is very young and I got hi,abo a year ago. I get very sad and often cry, because I've seen him turn out scared and aggressive just like me because he's been through what I have. One time he pooped in a clothes basket (It's right next to his litter box) my mom grabbed him by the neck and hit him while she smothered his face in his poop, all while yelling at him. I was going to call the Animal Protective Services, but I got too scared and I realized how lonely I would be. Please help me I'm not sure what to do anymore. Also sorry for the very long post!
reply 1 day
Error101
Error101 posted in Family Issues:
Dear Kkmr324, I hope you get to feeling better as time goes on.  It does get better but like you said you can't actually get over it.  Losing someone to cancer is awful and I have never lost a friend and I hope I never will and I am so sorry that you did, but I have lost family to cancer and it is horrible.  I hope your okay. :(
reply 3 days
Kkrmr324
Kkrmr324 posted in Family Issues:
A few months ago,my friend Kendall died of cancer. It was really hard to "get over it"; because really you dont just get over it. One thing i did was find a bunch of pictures of me and Kendall and remembered all the fun we had together. And it helped! I still miss her, but good friends and family helped with that.
reply 5 days
Kkrmr324
Kkrmr324 posted in Family Issues:
A few months ago,my friend Kendall died of cancer. It was really hard to "get over it"; because really you dont just get over it. One thing i did was find a bunch of pictures of me and Kendall and remembered all the fun we had together. And it helped! I still miss her, but good friends and family helped with that.
reply 5 days
Tennis123
why are you allowing that to control your happiness? why can't you have true happiness instead of chasing some dream for momentary satisfaction? You're 12. This is when your core beliefs, values, and outlooks on life start. Don't mess it up choosing to be sad over something like that.
reply 6 days