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What The Heart Wants

October 02, 2018

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Today on Dear Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be answering questions about relationships and dating. We will look at some of the obstacles that stand in the way of kids and teens dating. Specifically, parents and how their wishes don’t always match up with their children. The most important thing is honest communication across the board. We can’t hide things from our partners or our parents, and we have to be clear about our needs and wants.

Let's Take a Look at This Week's Questions:

Sometimes there will be things standing in the way of you and your partner.Sometimes there will be things standing in the way of you and your partner.

Question by HopelessGF

Question: my bf says were are like friends with a label instead of really dating like kissing and hand holding and stuff but I don't want to I want to actually date (Ps. we are only 10 and 11 ). How do I tell him without scaring him away cuz I wanna go to much into it hellpppppppppppppp

Insight/Advice:

It’s really important that you and your partner want the same things. You shouldn’t be scared to tell him how you feel. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Tell him how you feel and if he feels differently than you then you have to move on. There is someone who will want to “actually date” you, trust me. You are really young however, and there is lots of time for that. Perhaps this guy doesn’t feel ready yet. It’s up to you what you want to do, but you need to at least tell your boyfriend the way that you are feeling. Honesty is always best.

When we've found someone we really like we want everyone in our lives to accept it.When we've found someone we really like we want everyone in our lives to accept it.

Question by Broken Heart Girl

Question: hi I’m 14 and have had many relationships, all of them have ended badly, I almost always give a second chance and this girl I once dated wanted to try again, and I was super into her so I gave it ago. She is the best girlfriend a girl could ever ask for, but there is one problem, her mom is super mentally abusive to her and her Dad, but he won't leave her, for financial reason, and to top it all of her mom is homophobic, so she cant tell her were dating. Her mom and I hate each other, and that probably won't change. But I need help convincing my girlfriend that she needs to tell her mother that shes tired of the abuse. I'm not going to force her or anything I just want her to be happy, and feel safe in her own home.

Insight/Advice: 

Sounds like a difficult situation to be in, yet you can’t force your girlfriend to do anything. You can encourage her and tell her what you think, but ultimately the decision is hers to make. I’m sorry to hear that she is dealing with abuse and I know you want to help her, but being there for her and supporting her is a big help all on its own. Try talking to her and explaining to her the damage it is doing to your relationship. Let her know she isn’t going to change anything by doing nothing. Be empathic to her situation. Recognize that it must be hard for her, and hard for you both. Parents don’t always stand by the choices of their children, but they do want them to be happy. I hope some clarity comes to the situation soon.

There is nothing wrong with a harmless crush.There is nothing wrong with a harmless crush.

Question by Anonymous

QuestionI really like this one kid……and he likes me back but…my parents say I am to young to date :-(  I pretend I don’t like my crush when I am around him or my parents…..but I really have a CRUSH!!!!!!! I don’t know what to do……I have been going on YouTube and I came across a video and it was a girl having her first kiss :-( I feel so lonely LOL…….I wish I was allowed to date…….What do I dooooooooooooo

Insight/Advice:

This must be really hard for you. Trying to do right by your parents but also listen to yourself and your own desires. It’s okay to let this guy know that you like him back but aren’t allowed to date. Maybe one day when your parents say it is okay. Remember the things you dream about will one day be a reality, perhaps now is just not the time. Don’t be afraid to let your parents know that you want to date, maybe in time they will come around. Hang in there, you are far from alone and many people can relate to you.

It is important that you and your partner want the same things.It is important that you and your partner want the same things.

Afterthoughts

Dating at this age can be very hard. For one, you are at the age where you must listen to your parents. They appear to have a strong influence on these relationships, and it does matter what they say. Don’t worry, you will have plenty of time to date, it’s only a matter of time. Regardless, we need to be honest with our parents so they know how we feel. It is important that you communicate to both your parents and your partner. Don’t hide your needs or wants. Let them see that you are ready, and when you are, you can date the person that is right for you. Until then, enjoy yourself and your life. You are too young to get caught up in adult matters. Dating should be fun and not a stressful occasion. Remember that your parents aren’t trying to ruin your lives and that they have your best interests at heart. Trust them, even if it is not what you want. I promise that someday it will all make sense.

Helplines & Resources: 

  • TeenMentalHealth.org
  • KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
  • Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
  • Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
  • Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
  • Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

What do you think is the right age to start dating? Do your views clash with your parent's? Comment below.