Survivor Africa - Epi 1

Courtesy of CBS.

Courtesy of CBS.

Faster than you can say "The tribe has spoken," we're into another season of the best and baddest reality show on the tube. Survivor Africa features the Boran tribe and the Samburu tribe. One is pretty boring and the other is pretty dumb.

From the beginning it was evident that, had an IQ test been a part of the casting process, no one on the Boran tribe would have made the show. As part of their supplies, they grab three jugs of water - and then proceed to dump two of them because they are too heavy. They just dumped the water out on the parched ground. No one thought of maybe drinking the stuff instead. No one thought of maybe taking their time, resting a little more, so they could carry them without getting as tired. In general, no one thought. Diane Ogden, a 42 year-old mailwoman who couldn't find her way out of a paper bag, was in charge of the map. Mistake number two.

The Samburu Tribe seem to have more brain power. They not only made it to their campsite without dumping any supplies, they also figured out that the telescope in the medical kit can be used to start a kick-butt fire. They've got it going on, too bad they are so boring. I'd rather watch grass grow.

The waterholes are basically mud puddles, and the water has to be boiled for at least five minutes before they can drink it. Again, Samburu realize that digging deeper in the muddy water will create more, slightly cleaner water. Boran just moan and complain - and barf. Yep. They are so dehydrated that members like 27 year-old Orlando cop, Jessie Camacho, get sick.

The first challenge is for both immunity and water-proof matches. They have to haul this heavy cart-thing all over the place lighting things with torches at various locations. Boran is in the lead 'til the very end, when Samburu pulls ahead to win. Although both groups had a lot of trouble pushing that heavy cart, Diane was almost dead at the end of the challenge and had to be dragged away by her teammates. (Does nobody realize, after two previous seasons, that they should be in good phsyical shape when they start this thing?) So Boran has to go back to camp still fireless, still brainless and think about kicking the first member.

While Diane and Clarence are alone at camp, they chow down on a tin of beans. Clarence, a 24 year-old basketball coach, has already created enemies by eating two cherries out of a can, when they were only supposed to take one at a time. Everyone is furious and Diane tries to make it seem like she had nothing to do with it, but a little smirk caught on camera makes you think otherwise. In the end, the tribe boots Diane. It was a smart move. The woman is obviously never going to be a physical asset and Clarence will be. Hopefully he lays off the supplies.

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