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Dear Dish-It: I Have A Massive Crush

Dear Dish-It,

I have a massive crush on a boy in my bus. We're great friends, and I'm not sure if I tell him that he'll freak out and our friendship is over. But if I don't tell him, a friendship will stay the same and I'll feel upset and it will take me forever to get over. Not to mention, he's a year older than me. And there's a rumor that he likes a different girl. What should I do? And how do I tell him?

Crushed Crusher


Dear Crushed,


I’m happy to see you have already thought this problem through a bit yourself. You’re right when you say that if you don’t do anything about your crush, it is pretty likely nothing will change about your relationship with this guy on your bus. If you do decide to do something about it, we both know things will change…


And that’s where you have a big decision to make, Crushed. If you’re not already sure of this fact, I’m going to give it to you straight right now: the only thing you can control in this world is yourself, your own actions and your own feelings. You can’t control the actions (or reactions) of others. Ever. What I mean by telling you this is, if you decide to tell this guy about your feelings for him, or to ask him on a date, or even to try and show more interest in him beyond the friendship you already have, you will have to be able to deal with or handle whatever kind of reaction you get from him.


He may be into you, too! He may be happy to hear or see you have more feelings for him beyond friendship, and he may respond well to you telling him you like him or asking him for a date or sitting next to him on the bus every day. However, he may not react so well. As you say, he may like someone else right now or he may simply see you as a really good friend. You don’t know what his feelings are or what his reaction is going to be, so you must be prepared for anything.


So this is the decision you need to think about and make, Crushed: is your friendship with this boy too important for you to lose, or are you willing to possible lose it in order to see if things can go further between the two of you? All you need to do is make the choice, then act on whatever your final decision is. If you’re willing to risk the friendship, then tell him how you feel or ask him to see a movie with you or something. If the friendship means too much to you to risk, then hold back for now; besides, you never know what may happen between the two of you (or between you and another guy) down the road.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


More Dish-It Advice:

  • I Like My BFF
  • MY GF Moved
  • My Friend Tells My Crush All My Secrets
  • My BFF Spilled The Beans
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • 1 Comment

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Littkekawaiiigirl
    I have a friend, she was so nice and funny when my best friend and I met her on the first day of school. As months passed she started getting annoying. The way she texts, acts, and talks is starting to get annoying. Then she is becoming such a drama queen now. What should I do?
    reply about 2 hours
    Kirsteeeeen
    Thank you for sharing something that has helped you cope with loss, and I'm sorry that you lost your friend and had to go through the grief and pain. I don't know what it is like, but I know there are a lot of people who do and would appreciate that you shared that way of coping. I hope that you are continuing to find more ways to deal with it, and don't forget those good memories you have with her. They'll always be yours to cherish.
    reply about 3 hours
    Kirsteeeeen
    Hi Wonderfulcalico, I'm sorry to hear you're in such a bad situation. It must be tough, and it must be having a profound negative impact on you and those around you. It sounds like your mom has some things she needs to work out. But know that this behaviour from your parents is not okay. You shouldn't have to be subjected to this type of environment, which is toxic for your health physically and mentally. It also sounds like it is physically dangerous and it is making you live in fear, which is not okay. It is NOT your fault. If you feel that you are being abused, please get another trusted adult involved. Don't act on things that make you feel unsafe or confront your parents directly if you know they will act in a dangerous way. Your safety is number one. Try contacting another adult such as a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a worship leader, social worker, child protective services, or call the police. Remember that 911 is also an option in any emergency, and that includes yourself being in danger from physical abuse. You can also call Your Life, Your Voice at 1-800-448-3000 , message them online, or even text them, or contact another local help line that you know. Please take care of yourself and stay safe. I know you may not want to do any of these things, and it's okay to feel that way, but also remember how important your safety is and make that a priority. 
    reply about 3 hours
    KayKayZ
    KayKayZ posted in Friends:
    Hmm, okay, well I'll try to give you the best advice that I can, Error. So you say you don't like your friend for a number of reasons: Liar, bad influence, uses swear words, too blunt, etc. I feel like some of these could be over-looked, such as the swearing and the 'bad influence' part. Really, all you have to do is just not copy her actions, and they won't be influential at all. If you disagree, it shouldn't be hard to just refuse to follow in her steps. However, lying isn't the best quality I would look for in a friend.  She doesn't seem like an enjoyable person to be around in general, which is why you are making this post, obviously. But I'm gonna ask you something here. Don't you think that, in a way, you're lying too? You're pretending to be her friend solely for purposes of monetary value because, I assume, your family cannot pay for or get you to gymnastic class themselves. If this is true, that's kind of bad, isn't it? It sounds like, to me, that your friendship isn't exactly a healthy relationship at all. But I'm gonna sympathize with you, since I know gymnastics must be important to you, and you wouldn't be doing this if you didn't have a good reason. So, what should you do about it? Well, personally I think there are a few things you could do. You could stop being her friend, therefore no longer having to deal with her; but in the process lose access to your gymnastics class and have to look for it in another way. On the flip side, you could continue to put up with her, which would probably not be in your best interests, but you'd still get to attend your class. Or, you could try talking to her about it. Ask her what she really thinks of your friendship, if she actually values you as her friend. Maybe you two can talk about problems that you're having with each other and work on fixing them. This option could have negative effects, since she might want to stop being your friend or things could become very awkward after that. But it's probably your best bet to be honest with her, as you'd hope she would be with you. How about if you tried being really nice to her? Kindness is contagious, and perhaps if you treat her well enough, she'll start doing the same to you. I feel like maybe if you complimented her, told her things that you really like about her, maybe even got her gifts or made her food once in a while, that she would come to appreciate you and all that you do for her. And in turn, she might start to respect you more herself, and become a good friend. That's about all I can say. If you're close enough with her mom, maybe you could even try asking her about her daughter and see if she can give you any advice. Hopefully that helped in some way, but if it didn't, maybe it at least made you think? I hope your problem gets resolved, Error, and you can be content with the outcome of it. :-)
    reply 4 days
    Error101
    Error101 posted in Friends:
    Okay so I have this friend and I don't like the type of person she is and I wouldn't be friends with her but her mom takes me to gymnastics every week.  I  had her over to spend the night and she lied about everything to me.  She kept telling me that she used to think I was weird and she didn't like me and it kind of hurt my feelings...  I would never tell someone that even if it was true.  She cusses and is a bad influence and she lies a ton.  There are a ton of bad qualities about her, and very few good ones.  I can't be mean to her because she is how I get to gymnastics but I don't really want to be her friend.  What should I do?  :(
    reply 4 days