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Dear Dish-It: My Uncle Is Gay

The Right To Choose

Dear Dish-It,

My uncle is gay. I saw him and his partner locking lips in the living room. Now every time I see him I feel very strange. I find it hard to talk to him about anything now. What should I do?

GD


Dear GD,


I think I know why you feel uncomfortable around your uncle, and the reason may surprise you.


For too long society (mainly due to religious beliefs) has told us that the only intimate union that’s OK is between a man and a woman. Unfortunately, human beings, who come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and have many different backgrounds, beliefs, needs, wants, preferences, dreams, fears lifestyles and, yes, even sexual orientations, do not fit into this extremely narrow-minded mold. True, some guys are attracted to girls and some girls are attracted to guys – without the kind of attractions, our species wouldn’t last very long. However, the reality is that some guys like other guys, some guys like other girls, some guys and girls like guys AND girls, etc. Sexual orientation (i.e. heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc.) is a personal decision and choice, and it’s time we all started not only to accept that, but to embrace it, as well. There’s too much fighting and hatred and prejudice in this world to begin with. We should stop making sexual preference into an excuse to dislike or feel uncomfortable around other people.


Having said that, I’m not going to sit here and give you advice about telling your uncle how you feel or asking him not to do certain things when you’re around (harmless things that in no way can hurt you). The way I see it, GD, your feeling uncomfortable around your uncle just because his partner is a guy means you’ve come to a point in your life when you need to decide what kind of person you want to be from now on. Do you want to be someone who sees the differences between yourself and other people, or do you want to be someone who embraces the similarities we all share as human beings? If you pick the first choice, I can promise you a pretty sad life. What will happen, for example, if one day you get your dream job and it turns out your boss is gay? Will you not be able to work there because of that? Will you risk giving up your success and happiness just because he’s got different opinions than you do? If you choose the second option, you’ll be able to live your life however you want, simply because you allow other people to live their lives as they wish, too. (Treat others like you want to be treated yourself. It’s a pretty good rule to live by.)


If you’ve always had a good relationship with your uncle (and it sounds like you have), you should continue to love and respect him and you should start accepting the fact that he’s got his own life and he has a right to make his own decisions, as long as they don’t cause harm to anyone else (and trust me, his being gay isn’t going to hurt you in any way, ever). Furthermore, you really ought to start accepting the fact that everyone in this whole entire world – your uncle, your parents, your teachers, your friends, your baseball coach, the guy at the video store, the garbage man, the lifeguard at your local pool and even YOU – has the right to live their lives the way they want to (again, as long as their actions don’t hurt anyone) and you have no right to say or tell them what they can and can’t do. I don’t care how weird their choices make you feel.


I’m sorry to sound so harsh, GD, but I think the whole issue about feeling weird or not accepting people for being gay is so tired. Who cares about that? I’m sure your uncle is a great person and that there’s much more to him than the fact that he’s gay. I’m sure you’ll be missing out if you choose not to associate with him anymore just because you have a problem with that. It’s your life. Choose wisely – for your own sake.


In short, here's my advice to you: get over it.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Great Dish-It Advice:

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    John Appetite
    John Appetite posted in Friends:
    "FloraTheWolf" wrote:One thing that I have noticed is that a lot of people seem to think they should have a boyfriend or a girlfriend as soon as possible, but they don't need to until its the right time just for them. You don't have to be forced to fall in love with someone if you don't want to. Let love come in its own time.And to keep away from any problems with her if she may become mean, try just forgetting about what happened and treat her like a normal person you know, and try to avoid any arguments. If she becomes mean, maybe just walk away for a bit. And if she is still being mean, maybe confront her asking what you have ever done to make her this way towards you. If you have done nothing, then she will have no reason to be mad at you so its not your problem she is being mean so you don't have to be stressed about it.I hope this helps! :) Thanks for the advice. This takes a burden off of my head. "Bloody Wings" wrote:ignore her be the cool kind of guy dont talk to her even if she comes and talk with you.well thats my opinion Thanks for the advice. Now I know the appropriate reaction. "Dear Dish-It" wrote: Hi there! My most important advice would be to be yourself! live your life! do the things you want to do. If you've moved past what happened with your feelings for one another, just go and enjoy your time. If things are weird, it'll be because of her, not you. Stay positive and calm and I'm sure you'll have fun!   Hope you have a good time! Thanks for helping me out Dish-It. You did not only help me out, but also wished me well. You are more like a care-taker, and you made me feel good. Thank you. Moderators can now lock the topic please. 
    reply about 3 hours
    Dear Dish-It
    Dear Dish-It posted in Friends:
    Hi there! My most important advice would be to be yourself! live your life! do the things you want to do. If you've moved past what happened with your feelings for one another, just go and enjoy your time. If things are weird, it'll be because of her, not you. Stay positive and calm and I'm sure you'll have fun!   Hope you have a good time!
    reply about 10 hours
    cargirl296
    cargirl296 posted in Style:
    I think that rubber band bracelets are totally in right now. And they are easy to make on a loom! Head scarves are also in as well. Hope you found this helpful!
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    Dear Dish-It
    Wow! This sounds so frustrating! Maybe talk to your mom about what's going on. Ask her why she's doing it. She might just be worried about your safety online. More and more there are unsafe people talking to kids on the internet. I'm sure your mom just has your best interest at heart. See if you two can agree on how to keep you safe online!   Good luck!
    reply about 13 hours
    Bloody Wings
    Bloody Wings posted in Friends:
    ignore her be the cool kind of guy dont talk to her even if she comes and talk with you. well thats my opinion
    reply about 17 hours

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