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Dear Dish-It: We Fight All The Time

Dear Dish-It,


I have this boyfriend that I've been dating since about February. We clicked since Day 1! He says that he is in love whif me and how he wants to spend the rest of his life whif me and I feel the same way, but we are ALWAYS, no matter what, somehow in an ARGUMENT!!! I hate it when we fight mainly because when he's mad he doesn't call for a while but also because my friends are telling me it's not normal and we should just break up! I really do love him and love how sweet he is and how much he cares for me but is the pain worth dealing whif???


BROKENHEARTEDGIRL15


PS: U might say something about my age but yes I am only 12!!!


Dear BROKENHEARTEDGIRL15,


I don’t think you’re really going to like the advice I have to give, but if you’re a smart, confident girl who wants to do what’s best for YOU then you’ll listen. Besides, considering you are only 12 (yes, I have to bring up your age – sorry), it will get you off to a good start in dealing with guys and relationships – I promise and can absolutely without a doubt guarantee that this is only the first relationship of many you’ll have in the future.


The fact is, fighting and arguing all the time pretty much indicate a bad or what adults call “dysfunctional” relationship. In other words, your friends are right. Arguing all the time is tiring and takes away from the time the two of you can spend having fun together as boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m not saying couples who are in healthy and loving relationships never fight, but it’s barely to the degree you’re talking about. Arguments may come up from time to time, but people who truly love each other and are mature about their emotions and feelings don’t use fighting and anger to “punish” their partners. The fact that you say your boyfriend won’t call you for a while after you’ve argued seems really sad to me – it also tells me he isn’t ready to have the kind of loving and “forever” relationship he says he wants to have with you.


The second this is, how can you know how much you love this guy when you’ve barely had a chance in your young life to love anyone else? Like everything else, love comes in different degrees of strength and intensity. If you had something to compare your love with – say, another relationship with a different boy – you may realize that although you do love your current crush to some degree, it’s nothing when compared to someone who truly loves and respects you, who doesn’t want to pick fights or argue with you all the time and who doesn’t try to hurt you or sabotage your relationship (by not contacting you for days). I’d say give yourself a chance to know other kinds of love before you settle on this one.


So, in answer to your direct question – is the pain worth dealing with? NO. Absolutely, positively not. I hope after reading this you will listen to your friends’ advice and also listen to what I think your own heart is telling you deep down inside – this guy isn’t worth it. Not only that, he’s not the last boyfriend you’ll ever have, and certainly not the best love you’ll ever experience with another person. I say love yourself most first and walk away from people who choose to hurt you – it’s never, ever worth the pain, no matter what.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


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    Fight_poll

    Does fighting all the time mean you're in a good relationship?

    • Yes: It's natural to fight with other people a lot, even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
    • No: Healthy relationships means you work things out together, not get angry at each other all the time.
    • Maybe: Fighting a lot doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is bad or over, it just means you need to get some help or advice
    • I don't know

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Family Issues:
    Talk to your parents about it. Tell them you didn't like your Christmas gift, and don't let your brother boss you around. Your parents can, your brother can't. Your parents gave you life, sorry to tell you but they can do anything they want if it's legal. But your brother can't. Let your parents know that you shouldn't have gotten in trouble for the stuff he doesn't. Tell them he makes you feel really awful and you don't like it. If they're good people they'll understand.
    reply about 2 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Friends:
    I would stop being friends with her. I mean she should understand that it'd be mean to do that. It's hard to help your friend get through a breakup when you're dating the same person. Plus you don't even know if she was trying to break you guys up so she could be with him.
    reply about 2 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Friends:
    You want to know if he likes you or not? Just ask him. It's not as bad as people say-I mean, it's a question. It looks like he does, so he probably does. It's not that big of a deal.
    reply about 2 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Friends:
    Talk to your friend. Tell her that this is the first guy that's ever liked you but you don't want her to get mad at you for stealing him from her. But understand she likes him too so don't get mad if she doesn't want you dating him. Nicely decide which of you should get him instead of the other. Chances are she might be thinking the same thing.
    reply about 2 hours
    Nisya-
    Nisya- posted in Style:
    messy bun. :3
    reply about 5 hours

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