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Dear Dish-It: We Fight All The Time

Dear Dish-It,


I have this boyfriend that I've been dating since about February. We clicked since Day 1! He says that he is in love whif me and how he wants to spend the rest of his life whif me and I feel the same way, but we are ALWAYS, no matter what, somehow in an ARGUMENT!!! I hate it when we fight mainly because when he's mad he doesn't call for a while but also because my friends are telling me it's not normal and we should just break up! I really do love him and love how sweet he is and how much he cares for me but is the pain worth dealing whif???


BROKENHEARTEDGIRL15


PS: U might say something about my age but yes I am only 12!!!


Dear BROKENHEARTEDGIRL15,


I don’t think you’re really going to like the advice I have to give, but if you’re a smart, confident girl who wants to do what’s best for YOU then you’ll listen. Besides, considering you are only 12 (yes, I have to bring up your age – sorry), it will get you off to a good start in dealing with guys and relationships – I promise and can absolutely without a doubt guarantee that this is only the first relationship of many you’ll have in the future.


The fact is, fighting and arguing all the time pretty much indicate a bad or what adults call “dysfunctional” relationship. In other words, your friends are right. Arguing all the time is tiring and takes away from the time the two of you can spend having fun together as boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m not saying couples who are in healthy and loving relationships never fight, but it’s barely to the degree you’re talking about. Arguments may come up from time to time, but people who truly love each other and are mature about their emotions and feelings don’t use fighting and anger to “punish” their partners. The fact that you say your boyfriend won’t call you for a while after you’ve argued seems really sad to me – it also tells me he isn’t ready to have the kind of loving and “forever” relationship he says he wants to have with you.


The second this is, how can you know how much you love this guy when you’ve barely had a chance in your young life to love anyone else? Like everything else, love comes in different degrees of strength and intensity. If you had something to compare your love with – say, another relationship with a different boy – you may realize that although you do love your current crush to some degree, it’s nothing when compared to someone who truly loves and respects you, who doesn’t want to pick fights or argue with you all the time and who doesn’t try to hurt you or sabotage your relationship (by not contacting you for days). I’d say give yourself a chance to know other kinds of love before you settle on this one.


So, in answer to your direct question – is the pain worth dealing with? NO. Absolutely, positively not. I hope after reading this you will listen to your friends’ advice and also listen to what I think your own heart is telling you deep down inside – this guy isn’t worth it. Not only that, he’s not the last boyfriend you’ll ever have, and certainly not the best love you’ll ever experience with another person. I say love yourself most first and walk away from people who choose to hurt you – it’s never, ever worth the pain, no matter what.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


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    Fight_poll

    Does fighting all the time mean you're in a good relationship?

    • Yes: It's natural to fight with other people a lot, even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
    • No: Healthy relationships means you work things out together, not get angry at each other all the time.
    • Maybe: Fighting a lot doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is bad or over, it just means you need to get some help or advice
    • I don't know

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    Your parents clearly hate you... Just kidding but maybe its time to talk to them and see if they understand where you are coming from.
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    Lynx_The_Lynx
    Lynx_The_Lynx posted in Friends:
    Okay, since I'm a girl and have helped many of my guy friends with this (even though I think they r too young for this but meh whatever), I can give you some advice.  1) Don't be mean or nice. You have to be yourself. Don't be nasty to her to get her to like you (it won't work), nor should you be Mr Nice Guy. Don't be there to carry her bag for her just yet.  2) If you want her attention, be creative. Writing a song is a good idea, but don't dedicate it to her. Just pretend you're aiming it at the general female population of your class. You can tell her that it's for her later, when she's into you. 3) Find out what she likes. Does she play instruments? Does she do sports? Does she fangirl over stuff? Does she play video games? Find out and DISCREETLY get her to know that you like it too, if you do of course. This is what worked for one of my friends: 1) Stay low until the perfect moment. If she falls over, come over and help her up, smile at her and blow her away with your charms, and then proceed to say hi and ask for her name as if you don't know her. It is creepy when a random guy knows your name and says it to you.... it just is idk. Walk away without looking back. This will make her curious for this stranger who helped her up. Do this for whatever situation. BUT JUST ONCE. DO NOT REPEAT. 2) If this happens again (she falls over etc), be sure to be really obvious that you're not going to help her up. Walk by without sparing a single glance. She will be reminded of you and wonder why didn't you help her. This is good - you want her to think of you. 3) Do something sweet for her. For example, if she likes a particular drink or cheap snack, buy it for her and walk up to her. Give it to her, but say something like "Hey _________! Here you go. I accidentally bought the wrong flavour and didn't want to throw it away. Don't worry - I didn't open it. Do you want it?" She should say yes, and ask for your name to say thank you. That's when you tell her. 4) Start to wave to her in the hallways and say hi sometimes. Don't do this too much though. Sometimes, if she waves first, ignore her. This should make her want your attention more. 5) Do something sweet again (like the song), but aim it not directly towards her (like I already said before - aim it towards girls in general). If you want some more, tell me! I hope this helped, but it might not - depends on what kind of girl she is.
    reply about 7 hours

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