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Dear Dish-It: We Fight All The Time

Dear Dish-It,


I have this boyfriend that I've been dating since about February. We clicked since Day 1! He says that he is in love whif me and how he wants to spend the rest of his life whif me and I feel the same way, but we are ALWAYS, no matter what, somehow in an ARGUMENT!!! I hate it when we fight mainly because when he's mad he doesn't call for a while but also because my friends are telling me it's not normal and we should just break up! I really do love him and love how sweet he is and how much he cares for me but is the pain worth dealing whif???


BROKENHEARTEDGIRL15


PS: U might say something about my age but yes I am only 12!!!


Dear BROKENHEARTEDGIRL15,


I don’t think you’re really going to like the advice I have to give, but if you’re a smart, confident girl who wants to do what’s best for YOU then you’ll listen. Besides, considering you are only 12 (yes, I have to bring up your age – sorry), it will get you off to a good start in dealing with guys and relationships – I promise and can absolutely without a doubt guarantee that this is only the first relationship of many you’ll have in the future.


The fact is, fighting and arguing all the time pretty much indicate a bad or what adults call “dysfunctional” relationship. In other words, your friends are right. Arguing all the time is tiring and takes away from the time the two of you can spend having fun together as boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m not saying couples who are in healthy and loving relationships never fight, but it’s barely to the degree you’re talking about. Arguments may come up from time to time, but people who truly love each other and are mature about their emotions and feelings don’t use fighting and anger to “punish” their partners. The fact that you say your boyfriend won’t call you for a while after you’ve argued seems really sad to me – it also tells me he isn’t ready to have the kind of loving and “forever” relationship he says he wants to have with you.


The second this is, how can you know how much you love this guy when you’ve barely had a chance in your young life to love anyone else? Like everything else, love comes in different degrees of strength and intensity. If you had something to compare your love with – say, another relationship with a different boy – you may realize that although you do love your current crush to some degree, it’s nothing when compared to someone who truly loves and respects you, who doesn’t want to pick fights or argue with you all the time and who doesn’t try to hurt you or sabotage your relationship (by not contacting you for days). I’d say give yourself a chance to know other kinds of love before you settle on this one.


So, in answer to your direct question – is the pain worth dealing with? NO. Absolutely, positively not. I hope after reading this you will listen to your friends’ advice and also listen to what I think your own heart is telling you deep down inside – this guy isn’t worth it. Not only that, he’s not the last boyfriend you’ll ever have, and certainly not the best love you’ll ever experience with another person. I say love yourself most first and walk away from people who choose to hurt you – it’s never, ever worth the pain, no matter what.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


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  • 25 Comments

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    Fight_poll

    Does fighting all the time mean you're in a good relationship?

    • Yes: It's natural to fight with other people a lot, even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
    • No: Healthy relationships means you work things out together, not get angry at each other all the time.
    • Maybe: Fighting a lot doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is bad or over, it just means you need to get some help or advice
    • I don't know

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    carolyna_03
    carolyna_03 posted in Friends:
    Dear dish it, plz help my friends treat me like a third wheel everyday I'm happy but then I'm ether getting left out pushed to the curb or something like that. I want to ditch them but I don't have anyone else to talk to or hang with, I was lonely at school because they weren't there help! Wat do I do
    reply about 7 hours
    Flamesword15
    Flamesword15 posted in Friends:
    Friends are hard to find, I will say that, but it's easy to make new friends:)<3
    reply about 11 hours
    Colorpaw
    Colorpaw posted in Family Issues:
      "Colorpaw" wrote: God yes! My mom would kill me if she found me on this site! -.- It gets annoying sometimes. My dad is strict too, but maybe not as much. I have to keep sites where I have any kind of interaction with people I haven't met face to face a secret, and it gets hard sometimes because I'm on quite a few roleplay sites which obviously involve chatting/interacting with people. I trust everybody on those sites though, but try telling my mom that.     My parents have gotten a lot better since then, but they're still strict about the chat sites and all. My mom is still very strict, but not nearly as much as then. I guess it's because I've gotten older. I'll be 13 in a few days. c: ALSO. If any of you saw my other post, pretend you didn't xD For some reason I thought I'd posted the original forum post. xDD I guess that's what happens when you haven't been on a site in a couple of years, you start forgetting things.  
    reply about 11 hours
    tweenblogger
    Thanks so much.  :love
    reply about 12 hours
    Shannyboo3
    I know exactly how you feel.  I'm going through the same thing. The thing to know is none of it's your fault.  And you can visit your mom or your dad.  You can try to get your mind of it by hanging out with your friends at school.  I feel your pain.   And I feel bad that this kind of stuff happens in life.  But god will make everything better. :)
    reply about 12 hours

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