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Dear Dish-It: I Want Highlights

Dear Dish-It,

I am a skater now but I still look preppy. My dad is OK with me getting highlights but my mom won't let me. How can I get her to let me get highlights and stuff so I don't look so preppy?


Dear iamc10,

Your question breaks down into two parts. The first part is about changing your look to fit in. The second part is about asking your mom to change her mind about something. Let’s deal with both parts of your question separately.

Is it OK to change your look to fit in? Well, yes and no. It’s definitely OK to change and evolve and grow physically, especially since you are constantly changing and growing and evolving on the inside as you get older and go through different phases of your life.

The thing that’s not OK is changing your appearance or anything else about you just to fit in or be cool. If your outside doesn’t match your inside, that’s a really tough thing to figure out. Before you do anything to change the way you look, make sure you are happy on the inside. That’s the part that really counts.

In terms of getting your mom to change her mind or see your point of view when it comes to getting highlights in your hair, the main thing you need to do is be mature about it. You need to show your mom that you know what you’re doing and you’re old enough to make certain decisions about yourself and your life. Here are some tips that can help you with the rest.

The first step to take is to stop for moment and think about what it is you want and why you want it so badly. Think of all the reasons you can as to why your mom should change her mind and let you get highlights. You need a few (that is, more than one) good reasons as to why your mom should say yes, and you need to be able to give her some things to think about while she makes her decision.

Before you go to talk to your mom and give her your reasons, you need to prep yourself to hear her say “NO.” The reason you need to really do this is you can’t get upset if that’s what her final answer is. If you blow up and lose your cool, there will be less of a chance you can talk to her again about it in the future.

When you’re ready, go to your mom and ask if you can talk to her. Give her all your reasons for getting your hair done and listen politely – without interrupting – when she asks you questions or gives you her opinion. Don’t argue or fight with her – it won’t get you anywhere.

If the answer is still no, stay calm and think about your next steps. Try helping out more around the house, or help your mom with some of her work to show her you are mature and responsible. You may even want to think about saving up your own money and offering to pay for your highlights yourself.

If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.

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