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Dear Dish-It: I Want Highlights

Dear Dish-It,


I am a skater now but I still look preppy. My dad is OK with me getting highlights but my mom won't let me. How can I get her to let me get highlights and stuff so I don't look so preppy?


i_am_cute10


Dear iamc10,


Your question breaks down into two parts. The first part is about changing your look to fit in. The second part is about asking your mom to change her mind about something. Let’s deal with both parts of your question separately.


Is it OK to change your look to fit in? Well, yes and no. It’s definitely OK to change and evolve and grow physically, especially since you are constantly changing and growing and evolving on the inside as you get older and go through different phases of your life.


The thing that’s not OK is changing your appearance or anything else about you just to fit in or be cool. If your outside doesn’t match your inside, that’s a really tough thing to figure out. Before you do anything to change the way you look, make sure you are happy on the inside. That’s the part that really counts.


In terms of getting your mom to change her mind or see your point of view when it comes to getting highlights in your hair, the main thing you need to do is be mature about it. You need to show your mom that you know what you’re doing and you’re old enough to make certain decisions about yourself and your life. Here are some tips that can help you with the rest.


The first step to take is to stop for moment and think about what it is you want and why you want it so badly. Think of all the reasons you can as to why your mom should change her mind and let you get highlights. You need a few (that is, more than one) good reasons as to why your mom should say yes, and you need to be able to give her some things to think about while she makes her decision.


Before you go to talk to your mom and give her your reasons, you need to prep yourself to hear her say “NO.” The reason you need to really do this is you can’t get upset if that’s what her final answer is. If you blow up and lose your cool, there will be less of a chance you can talk to her again about it in the future.


When you’re ready, go to your mom and ask if you can talk to her. Give her all your reasons for getting your hair done and listen politely – without interrupting – when she asks you questions or gives you her opinion. Don’t argue or fight with her – it won’t get you anywhere.


If the answer is still no, stay calm and think about your next steps. Try helping out more around the house, or help your mom with some of her work to show her you are mature and responsible. You may even want to think about saving up your own money and offering to pay for your highlights yourself.


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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Autonomy
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    "StarrChild" wrote: Two years ago my parents broke up. I was never really the same after that point. My mother she began to just not care about anything. She would go out clubbing every Friday and would yell at me for my attitude towards it. Why would I be okay with her doing that??? I didn't really realise it but I began feeling kind of depressed. Of course we didn't fight all the time but when we did I would always end up crying alone in my room. And it would be really painful. One time I cried every night for a week because of her. A week ago, I felt really sick at school so I went to the sick bay but my Mum refused to believe I was sick. She thought I was lying and being over dramatic as usual. I felt really horrible after that, that the teacher sent me to the guidance councellor and almost immediately I burst into tears. I didn't even know why I did but the councellor did a little test on me and came to the conclusion I was slightly depressed and had anxiety. It wasn't really surprising but hearing it out loud just felt really weird. Even after knowing that fact my mother doesn't really act any different. She's not a bad person I swear but she can just be really horrible at times. Anyways, that's technically whats been happening in my life lol. Nothing really interesting Oh dear, that sounds like a dreadful situation. I've lived through similar difficulties in my own life, and my heart goes out to you, truly. May I offer you some advice? I don't have the cure to your problems or a magic wand that can make them disappear, but I do believe that some good can come out of your living situation. The first thing I'd like to make note of, is that everyone makes mistakes. As human beings, we have to make mistakes. There's no way around it; it's how we learn and grow. And as we get older, we don't stop making mistakes. Your parents are no exception. Although we look to our parents for guidance, and direction, and support, we have to understand that they aren't perfect people, and they make mistakes. They may not always lead us in the right direction. They may not always set a good example. They may not always be there for us, to encourage us and support us when we need them most. And that's okay. Everyone makes mistakes, and we have to accept that. But we can't let allow other people's mistakes to hurt us, my dear. And I know it hurts. Your mum might not understand how her actions make you feel. You said you haven't been the same since your parents divorced, and I know how challenging that can be to go through. But you know, some of the brightest, wisest, and happiest people I've met, are people who have dealt with difficult problems in their lives, and used them to grow as people. You can let your parents' mistakes get to you, and make you upset and depressed; or, you can accept that they aren't perfect people, accept that they make mistakes, and accept that their mistakes don't have anything to do with you. So here's what you do, friend: you can't stop your mum from going clubbing, and that's okay. Don't try to. Don't fight with her about it. You can let her know how it makes you feel, but don't get into an argument. Accept the situation for what it is. Your mother is her own person, and she is accountable for what she does; you aren't. Next time you start to get in a fight or an argument with her, just step back, and withdraw yourself. Try it, see what happens. Once you decide not to let other peoples' failings affect you--and you do have the power to do this--then you'll find a sense of peace you probably haven't felt before. And you'll learn from your mistakes, and the mistakes of your parents, and everyone around you, and you'll be a better person. Press on.
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