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Dear Dish-It, Being Fat Is Ruining My Life


Dear Dish-It


Dear Dish-It,

I feel like being fat is ruining my life... there are a lot of problems in my life and it's kind of like a circle. Here, I'll explain... I am fat because I am depressed. I'm depressed because I have problems. One of my problems is weight. I'm trying to starve myself but it's so hard, I get so weak and I already lost 43 pounds but it's still not enough. I'm huge and I can't stop eating once I start... what do I do? Like all the commercials say, I've tried everything! Please help me.
Flower


Dear Flower,

First off, you should NEVER try and starve yourself. No matter how unhappy you are with your body, starving it is only going to cause serious health problems and can actually cause you to gain weight cuz your body goes into starvation mode. Losing 43 pounds is not very healthy for most adults, let alone a teen or pre-teen girl. Here are some tips on how you can get fit the healthy way!

  • Get regular exercise, even if it's just a walk with some buds. Offer to take your dog for walks too.
  • Cut fatty foods and sugar out of your diet. Eat lots more fruits and veggies and drink as much water as you can.
  • Make a list of everything you eat each day. This way, you'll be able to see what it is you need to steer away from, and what sorts of healthy foods you could be replacing them with.

  • It does sound like you're in need of someone to talk to about these problems you are dealing with though. Your issues seem to run a lot deeper than just a struggle with body image. Definitely talk to a trusted adult. Your 'rents, a school counselor, someone! And you could take a look at this Web page - it has a ton of great self-esteem boosting tips, as well as links to help you find professionals to talk to about all the things you are going through. And although you may think this is total cheese, take a look at the Oprah site. She actually has a lot of great ideas on how to lead a happier and healthier life. Good Luck!


    Dear Dish-It,

    My friend Jasmine is best friends with this girl who went through my things and then told one of my other friends and now my other friend thinks I'm a liar. We haven't talked since we got out of school for summer break and that was June 18th - and my other friend Jasmine is not talkin' to me either. I think Jasmine's best friend has something to do with Jasmine not talking to me. I think this is because this girl keeps taking Jasmine places and every time I call her she's always busy with this other girl. I'm sick and tired of it! Jasmine's acting like she doesn't even like me anymore as a friend. I keep asking her, and she keeps saying yes, but for some reason I get the feeling that Jasmine's lying to me. Her BFF is gettin' on my nerves! I think that the BFF and Jasmine should apologize, but I don't know what to do. Tell her all of this, or break off the friendship. Please HELP ME!!!
    liltoni85


    Dear liltoni85,

    Whoa! I think you need to sit down, count to ten and just breathe for a second. From what I've gathered, your friend Jasmine is hanging with a girl you don't like... a girl that may or may not have caused trouble between the two of you. You've asked Jasmine if she still wants to be your friend and she says yes. But you want that to mean that she will spend more time with you and less time with the troublemaker, right? It doesn't sound like anyone owes you an apology. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe Jasmine really likes this other girl and they have a lot of fun together? You demanding an apology from them for excluding you will not score you any friendship points. If you aren't happy with how they are leaving you out, then move on and find some friends who you can have a good time with. If you just leave Jasmine to figure things out, and not confront her, then I am sure everything will work out. Just hang in there!


    Dear Dish-It,

    Hi! This is not about dating! I don't think dating is important. I am an orchestral band percussionist. I really need your advice. I march for the a marching band and I am a new member. I am going to be tested the first week of rehearsals. I don't know how to prepare! What should I do?
    Thanks! You rock!
    fhsbandmember


    Dear fhsbandmember,

    You must have heard that age-old saying, "Practice makes perfect," at least once in your life. Well, that saying will come in handy as the big marching band test approaches. I'm sure you didn't make it all the way to this gig with the marching band without practicing your percussion skills already. If the thought of banging away on your drums for hours all alone makes you cringe, then what about inviting some marching band compadres over for a jam session? If you take some deep breaths, and concentrate on what you're good at, then this test will be nothing more than another opportunity to show off your mad percussion skills!


    So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    KayKayZ
    KayKayZ posted in Friends:
    Hmm, okay, well I'll try to give you the best advice that I can, Error. So you say you don't like your friend for a number of reasons: Liar, bad influence, uses swear words, too blunt, etc. I feel like some of these could be over-looked, such as the swearing and the 'bad influence' part. Really, all you have to do is just not copy her actions, and they won't be influential at all. If you disagree, it shouldn't be hard to just refuse to follow in her steps. However, lying isn't the best quality I would look for in a friend.  She doesn't seem like an enjoyable person to be around in general, which is why you are making this post, obviously. But I'm gonna ask you something here. Don't you think that, in a way, you're lying too? You're pretending to be her friend solely for purposes of monetary value because, I assume, your family cannot pay for or get you to gymnastic class themselves. If this is true, that's kind of bad, isn't it? It sounds like, to me, that your friendship isn't exactly a healthy relationship at all. But I'm gonna sympathize with you, since I know gymnastics must be important to you, and you wouldn't be doing this if you didn't have a good reason. So, what should you do about it? Well, personally I think there are a few things you could do. You could stop being her friend, therefore no longer having to deal with her; but in the process lose access to your gymnastics class and have to look for it in another way. On the flip side, you could continue to put up with her, which would probably not be in your best interests, but you'd still get to attend your class. Or, you could try talking to her about it. Ask her what she really thinks of your friendship, if she actually values you as her friend. Maybe you two can talk about problems that you're having with each other and work on fixing them. This option could have negative effects, since she might want to stop being your friend or things could become very awkward after that. But it's probably your best bet to be honest with her, as you'd hope she would be with you. How about if you tried being really nice to her? Kindness is contagious, and perhaps if you treat her well enough, she'll start doing the same to you. I feel like maybe if you complimented her, told her things that you really like about her, maybe even got her gifts or made her food once in a while, that she would come to appreciate you and all that you do for her. And in turn, she might start to respect you more herself, and become a good friend. That's about all I can say. If you're close enough with her mom, maybe you could even try asking her about her daughter and see if she can give you any advice. Hopefully that helped in some way, but if it didn't, maybe it at least made you think? I hope your problem gets resolved, Error, and you can be content with the outcome of it. :-)
    reply 1 day
    Error101
    Error101 posted in Friends:
    Okay so I have this friend and I don't like the type of person she is and I wouldn't be friends with her but her mom takes me to gymnastics every week.  I  had her over to spend the night and she lied about everything to me.  She kept telling me that she used to think I was weird and she didn't like me and it kind of hurt my feelings...  I would never tell someone that even if it was true.  She cusses and is a bad influence and she lies a ton.  There are a ton of bad qualities about her, and very few good ones.  I can't be mean to her because she is how I get to gymnastics but I don't really want to be her friend.  What should I do?  :(
    reply 1 day
    Wonderfulcalico
    My parents have always been aggressive and abusive and I only just noticed it a couple months ago. Over time they've gotten worse (specifically my mother). Whenever she gets mad she'll yell at us and if she gets mad enough she'll hit and push us around. Whoever we get into arguments it's always one- sided and she always wins, even if she knows she is wrong. An argument we had not to long ago was about me not taking care of myself. She looked at my hair and started to touch it and told me "Your hair isn't soft why is it so dry, it's probably because you aren't taking care of your hair." Then she goes on to tell me that she's going to cut it and all of this other stuff when she knows I'm conscious about me looking like a boy ( Used to get called a boy for having short hair). As the argument goes on, I start to tell her things that she knows she is wrong about. She proceeds to yell at me then grabs me by the face and say "If you don't lower your tone and listen to what I'm saying I'm going to knock you in the head." Then she goes on to tell me she remembers nothing I was saying and that it's a lie. She also hit me when I didn't clean the laundry room correctly and whenever she gets fed up. I'm constantly having to watch what I say and do, because I'm scared that I'm going to end up hurt. She also likes to degrade me and tell how bad I'm doing. She's said plenty of thing like when I didn't have my bed covers tucked in she yelled at me and hit me and I said "Do you expect me to just stand here and take this", and she replied saying "That's what you are supposed to do you are the child and I am the adult, you take whatever I do until I'm done." Another time is when I had my band concert and I had to pick out the right attire. When we went shopping to get the clothing I chose slacks when she liked a skirt better, we went on to fight in the store and she bought the slacks. When we got home she said to me that real girls wear skirts and dresses and boys wear slacks and pants. This hurt me because she knows I have a past with people telling me I look like a boy etc. Another time I started to sleep on the floor, because I was practicing a minimalist life. When I left my pillows on the floor she found it and questioned me on why they were there. I told her it fell of my bed when really I left it there. Later when I told my dad, he told her and she got mad because I was getting cat hair on my pillows. She then proceeded to ask why I lied and I told her sometimes lying is better then the truth (I knew she would get mad that I was sleeping on the floor so I lied) then she told me that I was never going to have a relationship, a job, or friends ( This hurt me because I don't have friends now). She's also said that I don't take care of my body because I ate two sweets in one day which lead her to banning me from Doritos and now I have to ask to get chips and any other snack. She's told me I don't take care of my teeth because I have yellow spots from using whitening toothpaste with braces on. She's told me I don't take care of my hair so I can't wash it or do any hair style or then a bun. She had lead me to starving myself (Unless she makes me eat) and cutting myself. I've just stopped caring, because what ever I do is always wrong. I never get a choice in my activities, she controls my life in fact she me just in a different body. But what is even worse is that she's turning my dad into her. Now I have a scheduled time to eat breakfast and lunch, and to go onto my electronics. I feel like I'm in a prison with my parents constantly watching over me, in fact yesterday when I was pouring my milk my mom got out a measuring cup and poured my milk into the measuring cup and said "Why isn't this a full cup" and I replied saying "Because I don't measure my milk." Then she got angry at me. There's so much I could say about her, but I'll stop. Anyways my father is always sarcastic and he doesn't realize how much it hurts me. Today I was cleaning out my bag for next school year and my dad came in and said, "Wow, you aren't even dress yet and I had to come up here to tell you how sad." Just little things like that hurt me. My little sister got mad at me last week for sitting in a certain area and she said " Why are you sitting there," and I didn't reply because I didn't want to speak to her and she then said, "Probably because you are too stupid to answer." I wanted to break down crying then and there, but I kept it in. I've limited my talking to her, because all she does is break me down. Like when there was a Proactive commercial and she said, "Ha, you need that." That hurt me because just the other my mom was telling me how I don't take care of my face and that's why I have acne. My older sister and I barely talk, because whenever I try to talk to her she's mad for what ever reason and when my parents were talking about hitting my sister she was in the corner laughing. My cat Preston is very young and I got hi,abo a year ago. I get very sad and often cry, because I've seen him turn out scared and aggressive just like me because he's been through what I have. One time he pooped in a clothes basket (It's right next to his litter box) my mom grabbed him by the neck and hit him while she smothered his face in his poop, all while yelling at him. I was going to call the Animal Protective Services, but I got too scared and I realized how lonely I would be. Please help me I'm not sure what to do anymore. Also sorry for the very long post!
    reply 5 days
    Error101
    Error101 posted in Family Issues:
    Dear Kkmr324, I hope you get to feeling better as time goes on.  It does get better but like you said you can't actually get over it.  Losing someone to cancer is awful and I have never lost a friend and I hope I never will and I am so sorry that you did, but I have lost family to cancer and it is horrible.  I hope your okay. :(
    reply 6 days
    Kkrmr324
    Kkrmr324 posted in Family Issues:
    A few months ago,my friend Kendall died of cancer. It was really hard to "get over it"; because really you dont just get over it. One thing i did was find a bunch of pictures of me and Kendall and remembered all the fun we had together. And it helped! I still miss her, but good friends and family helped with that.
    reply 9 days