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Dear Dish-it: Breaking Up - Without Breaking His Heart

Dear Dish-it,

How do I break up with someone but not hurt them? The person I'm with is madly in love with me but I don't think that this online dating thing is working out. I think I may need to end it. What should I do?

Dazed And Confused

Dear D&C,

Breaking up is never easy and it should always be done nicely. Even if the relationship is ending, it’s important to remember that the other person has feelings, and may be hurt when you break up with them. Here’s how to break up nicely.

Make sure you know what to say. Once you’ve decided that you’re ready for the relationship to end, think out what you will say. Avoid any clichés like “it’s not you, it’s me.” Be upfront about why the relationship is ending. Be honest and truthful, but avoid being too blunt and saying unnecessarily mean things just to cause pain. Break up nicely by carefully phrasing what you want to say.

Don’t put it off. Many people put off a breakup because it can be extremely uncomfortable for both people involved. Don’t act like a jerk hoping that they will break up with you first, and don’t avoid them or pretend that nothing is wrong. Do not tell your friends that you’re breaking up before you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend. There is no “right” time to break up, so stop putting it off until you find that right time.

Be understanding of their reaction. They may be angry, insulted, or sad. Understand that this is a normal part of the breakup process. Do not be angry or defensive, and do not try to comfort them as if you were still their boyfriend or girlfriend. This can only create drama. Be firm but gentle about your choice.

Give them space. Cutting ties is difficult, even if you’re the one to do the breaking up. Even though you may still feel attached for them and feel bad, especially if they cry, that is what their friends are for.

Sound Off

How would you break up with someone NICELY? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

tasfia posted in Family Issues:
With both of them :-)   I just sleep in the middle :-p
reply about 24 hours
Dear Dish-it, i always wanted to be in a band but my parents are saying you should forget about that, you should get a real future. I have fought my case by they just get it.  Please help me Bye
reply 2 days
Kirsteeeeen posted in Friends:
Maybe he likes you, as a friend or as more.
reply 3 days
Kirsteeeeen posted in Friends:
Friends grow apart as we grow up and change at different rates. It's fine to stop being friends, but it doesn't have to be in a mean way. The best thing to do is talk to her (nicely). You don't have to tell her she's being childish or you feel as if you've matured more. That would be terrible. Talk about things you guys like to do in common or make plans to try new things together. Or don't mention it at all, but don't just begin ignoring her. Eventually the friendship will fade the less time you spend together. 
reply 3 days
Amalegend20 posted in Friends:
You should be nice to her. If you have to break the news gently don't make her feel bad just talk to her about and see what she says  
reply 3 days

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