The Tuxedo Movie Review
No lie! This has truly been my cinematic summer of discontent. Followed closely by disbelief and disgust. So, after all the disappointment, I was hoping to end the season on a big screen high. But alas... it was not meant to be.
The Tuxedo, starring Jackie Chan and Jennifer Love Hewitt, starts off with a deer peeing in a stream. From there, the pee and the movie, quickly head down the drain.
The story (mad British guy plans to poison/alter world's water supply using armies of water striders so people will be forced to drink his bottled H2O,) just doesn't hold water. Didn't anyone, during the early drafts of this script, ever say "Hey, but won't, like, all the animals, plants and things die because they don't carry cash or credit cards to buy the bottled stuff?"
Anyway, after evil skate boys (you know who you are) injure his suave, super spy boss, Jackie puts on the Tuxedo, which turns out to be equipped with martial arts smarts, weapons and groovy dance moves. That's more than you need to know. The world's water supply is saved, Jennifer Love Hewitt does NOT get BareNaked and for a Jackie Chan action film, there really wasn't any.
Each and every week the people who produce TV shows like Buffy, Angel and Gilmore Girls manage to provide better action scenes and dialogue than all of this summer's series of over-inflated movie messes.
Before the studios get started on next summer's releases of sequels and prequels, maybe they should try starting with something unique and new - like a good story.
And The Tuxedo, from the opening credits to its all too Jackie outtakes, is disheveled.
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