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Dear Dish-it: My Mom's New Baby Replaced Me

Aug 30, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

My mom just had a new baby, and now she won't pay any attention to me.  I feel like I've been replaced. What can I do so that I'm not forgotten?

The Other Daughter

Dear The Other Daughter,

It's natural to feel like you've been put on the back burner when your mom brings a new child into the home. But I promise you that she's not ignoring you on purpose. Having a baby is extremely exhausting because they require constant feeding and changing, and they'll often keep moms up all night. Trust that she loves you and that she's doing her best to balance the family dynamic.

Offer To Help

If you feel like you and your mom aren't getting to spend enough time together, there are things you can do. Offer to help your mom. Whether you ease her workload by cooking dinner or doing housework, or by helping her with the baby, this will relieve some of her stress, and free up time for her to spend with you. Showing an interest in your new sibling's well being will impress your mom. Get her to show you how to change the baby's diapers, feed her a bottle, hold her, or change her clothes. 

Express Your Feelings

If you do all this, and you still feel like you're being ignored, you should tell your mom how you feel. But say it in a mature way that she will actually listen. If she doesn't let you help with the baby, tell her that you're trying to help so that you can spend more time with her. You could also suggest setting aside an evening each week to have a mother-daughter day where you guys do something fun together. Your new sister will, of course, need to be involved. But that's the reality of having a new sibling. They will always be a part of your life now. Once you get used to sharing your mom, you'll be much happier

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for The Other Daughter? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

yaya967

yaya967 wrote:

dont worry my mom just had a baby 2 weeks ago she still loves you your just old enough ...
commented: Mon Oct 20, 2014

dolphingirl_dragons
Don't worry your really lucky your siblings a baby mines nearly as old as me and she ca...
commented: Sun Oct 19, 2014

anna9grace7

anna9grace7 wrote:

once your mom has baby that's what shes gonna focus on its someone new to her life som...
commented: Fri Sep 05, 2014

there are 173 more comments

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I guess it depends. Parents aren't stupid, and for the most part they know "what's best". If you haven't proven that you are ready for some freedom than they probably won't give it to you. It is important that we demonstrate on many occasions that we can make good decisions in hairy situations, show confidence and courage on our own, and openly welcome independence. Although this doesn't welcome free-range, it is certainly a start where your parents can see that you will manage and *stay safe* without them. That's all. My advice is take every chance you can to say "can I try?" and communicate with your parents: don't keep secrets, ask questions, and get out with them more. Then they'll know when you are ready to do these things without their support, because they will be there when you succeed :)
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