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Dear Dish-It: Trust Issues & Fake Friends

Nov 20, 2014

Got a question? Ask Dish-it. 

Question:

Heyyy, so I dunno if u can help but I think m going through a teenage crisis. I feel like I'm so lost right now. I can't trust anyone that I used to. It seems like all the people I used to trust were either fake or they've lied and betrayed my trust. I know some of them intended to help me but they kind of broke promises we made. They've said stuff and they said they did it coz they care but I just feel like that isn't a good enough reason. I feel like I don't know who people are anymore. It's like all humans are fake or something? Help?

Dish-It says: 

Let's start by taking a big breath in. Close your eyes, open your palms face them up and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly, four of five times. 

That's a lot going on I agree. Let's work out some solutions together. 

Kidzworld, meet Maslow

 I want to address your question by breaking it up into sections. 

1. Feeling Lost: It's very normal to feel out of sync and lost when things are constantly changing around you. There was this really smart physiologist dude named Abraham Maslow who lived in Brooklyn New York - he developed a theory that helps us understand the things we need to feel safe, secure and empowered. Abraham taught us that there are 5 levels to a wholehearted life. 

  • Physiological Needs - The most basic of things.. having a home, enough food to eat, water to drink. 
  • Safety Needs - Parents/Family to support you, safe environment to live in at home & at school. 
  • Belonging and Love Needs - Feeling like you fit in somewhere, that you have a trusted friend, exploring more intimate relationships, possibly developing new peer groups that bring out the best version of you. Essentially seeking an environment that allows you to be you. 
  • Esteem Needs - This is a sensitive area. Popularity reigns and people often equate popularity with worth. We seek to be accepted for who we are and to avoid feeling rejected or neglected. We spend a lot of time thinking about how others see ourselves here. 
  • Self Actualization - This is an important place - often we are trying to figure out who we are. What makes us special, unique and awesome? This is where we realize our capabilities and learn new abilities. This is self discovery mixed with self love. 

Usually when we feel lost it's because one of the levels are out of sync. It sounds like you don't feel like you belong with those friends anymore? 

2. Fake Friends: Your real friends generally don't let you down. That's not to say that they never will because things happen and we all make mistakes from time to time - but generally your real friends are there for you. They support you, never betray your confidences and will be there as you need them... as you are for them. 

3. Good Communication: This is a very important skill as we grow up. It's really hard and at the same time really important to learn how important our voice's are. We need to be confident, so we must practice being confident in talking our own truths. I notice that often, really often things get blown hugely out of proportion because we either assume people know what we need from them or expect something without clearly defining what that is that we want from them. In the case with our friends - we do that a lot. I suggest talking with your friends, tell them the truth about how you feel - use I messages (not on your iPod or phone) in your words.. "I feel" rather than "you made me feel".

4. Self Care: Let's talk about the breathing exercise we did at the beginning of this article. That's an example of self care. Also realizing that you are important. If someone continuously makes you feel let down, it's okay to let them go. You are important and loved and you deserve great honest people in your life. Think about something you love to do, and then do it. When you are happy, you will attract happy people into your life. New Friends, new experiences. When the going get's tough - remember - Just Breathe. 

I'd love to hear what you think? Do you agree with this advice? How would you handle this situation with your friends, share your thoughts in the comment section. 

Until next time.. xo Dish-It

 

50 Comments

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Do Your Friends Treat You Well?

  • For sure. My friends are really great.
  • Most of the time - we all have our bad days.
  • No. I really should look for some new friends.
  • I don't really have many friends.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

GirLovesPiggy
GirLovesPiggy posted in Style:
This thread has been moved. Click here to see the new thread.
reply 2 days
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
@rainbowpoptart  When I originally talked to my father, I was given the opportunity of good timing to bring it up. Luckily, there was no anger like I was partially expecting and I remained calm, which I definitely wasn't expecting. My fathers main concern was just worry and having seen other teens run away from something later getting themselves in trouble. He even brought up how he had run off at 18 and joined the Air Force, which I already knew. But, with this round, there is no perfect time to bring it up and he's always busy or we're having to do something so it's just very frustrating to find at least alright timing to bring it up, if that makes sense.
reply 6 days
rainbowpoptart
My advice on this may not be the best because I haven't personally dealt with this yet, but... Parents, or guardians, get used to having their children around. You're [usually] with them for 18 years, which is a long time, so of course they - or in this case, your father - is going to feel like he's lost something very dear to him once you move out. To me it seems like he does truly understand that you're growing up. He just doesn't want it to happen. He knows that you're leaving soon - he just doesn't want it to be soon. Parents/guardians who are close to the children usually feel that way. If you're really so concerned, talk to him about it again, in a similar way you have done already. Or perhaps just a "Wow, my birthday is just around the corner". Once you do move out, visit him as frequently as you're able to and feel like. I'm sure he'll appreciate it, and it'll help you maintain a close relationship with him.
reply 7 days
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
Usually I wouldn't come here for advice, but I am really needing it. To sum it up, my birthday is in 21 days. Not only will I be leaving KW, but home as well. My mother has made it to where I have had plans to leave since I was around 11 or 12; so about 7 to 8 years. I won't get into everything, but we'll just say that my mother and I do not have a good relationship at all. My father on the other hand, I am very attached too and always scared of upsetting him. Things are not always very good between us at times, but we rarely fight. When we do, it is always bad nor ends well. So, having plans to move out are very scary to me and causes me plenty of anxiety that fights are going to break out when I have my help to get my belongings out.   For the record, I have talked to my father about leaving, why I want too, etc. But, more in the sense of that I want too, not that I am. Which, in a way, my parents understand I'm moving out as well as already pretty much know where I'm going without my mention. But, I don't think they, my father especially, understands how soon that is despite my saying of I want too when I'm 18 or when I say, "Soon." It doesn't help that my father told another that his "little girl is growing up" on him and that he is scared of the day I go because he will be alone. Which makes me feel guilty despite the fact I won't even be that far away. How should I talk to him once more and go about this or even when? I really want him to understand that I have thought everything through and that I will be in safe hands.
reply 7 days
-Oracle-
-Oracle- posted in Friends:
Preferably non human.
reply 7 days