There are days that I don't believe some things are really true. That my grandpa is dead is one of them. I really don't. I say this is because the fact of him being dead is just so non-explainablely, overwhelmingly sad that my mind, or any mind at all, refuses to think it's real. You know how it would feel to say, live in Heaven or Hell, is just beyond the mind can believe? Try to imagine it. It's like, on the last day of school, you know how you sometimes, by accident, say you're coming back Monday? Like that, but on a much larger scale. It is literally impossible for a human mind to comprehend it because a brain just... can't. It's much too big to understand that unless you're actually there. Get it? That's what I mean. I think that the belief of his being dead is too big to understand. It would be... I guess near impossible to understand! And because of that, there's still something in the back of my mind saying he's not dead. I told this to my brother and he said that I am insane to think that. That I'm nuts if I don't think he's dead. My mom said that its a phase of grieving because the night he supposedly "died", my brother and I weren't allowed to see him. The doctors and nurses wouldn't let us because we were too young. My mom said I only believed this is because I didn't actually see him there, I didn't see that he was beyond hope, beyond living. For those who read Divergent, remember how Christina said that she forgave Tris because when she saw Marlene, she knew why Tris killed Will. She got that it wasn't really Will, that he was literally... beyond hope. That, under the simulation, they were murderers and Not really the kind, loving people they were before the simulation. That Will really was dead, he was beyond living. I think that's what she meant, that Christina didn't see Will under the simulation so she wouldn't know how it was until she saw herself. But I don't know if... if my brother's right, that I'm really insane to think he's still alive. I don't know. Am I insane?
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools."