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Posted 2 months ago

Posted By:

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Member since:
May 2016
Posts: 1088

Usually I wouldn't come here for advice, but I am really needing it.

To sum it up, my birthday is in 21 days. Not only will I be leaving KW, but home as well.

My mother has made it to where I have had plans to leave since I was around 11 or 12; so about 7 to 8 years. I won't get into everything, but we'll just say that my mother and I do not have a good relationship at all.

My father on the other hand, I am very attached too and always scared of upsetting him. Things are not always very good between us at times, but we rarely fight. When we do, it is always bad nor ends well. So, having plans to move out are very scary to me and causes me plenty of anxiety that fights are going to break out when I have my help to get my belongings out.

 

For the record, I have talked to my father about leaving, why I want too, etc. But, more in the sense of that I want too, not that I am. Which, in a way, my parents understand I'm moving out as well as already pretty much know where I'm going without my mention. But, I don't think they, my father especially, understands how soon that is despite my saying of I want too when I'm 18 or when I say, "Soon."

It doesn't help that my father told another that his "little girl is growing up" on him and that he is scared of the day I go because he will be alone. Which makes me feel guilty despite the fact I won't even be that far away.



How should I talk to him once more and go about this or even when?
I really want him to understand that I have thought everything through and that I will be in safe hands.


Posted 2 months ago

Posted By:

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Member since:
January 2014
Posts: 3590

My advice on this may not be the best because I haven't personally dealt with this yet, but...

Parents, or guardians, get used to having their children around. You're [usually] with them for 18 years, which is a long time, so of course they - or in this case, your father - is going to feel like he's lost something very dear to him once you move out.

To me it seems like he does truly understand that you're growing up. He just doesn't want it to happen. He knows that you're leaving soon - he just doesn't want it to be soon. Parents/guardians who are close to the children usually feel that way.

If you're really so concerned, talk to him about it again, in a similar way you have done already. Or perhaps just a "Wow, my birthday is just around the corner".
Once you do move out, visit him as frequently as you're able to and feel like. I'm sure he'll appreciate it, and it'll help you maintain a close relationship with him.


Posted 2 months ago

Posted By:

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Member since:
May 2016
Posts: 1088

@rainbowpoptart  When I originally talked to my father, I was given the opportunity of good timing to bring it up. Luckily, there was no anger like I was partially expecting and I remained calm, which I definitely wasn't expecting. My fathers main concern was just worry and having seen other teens run away from something later getting themselves in trouble. He even brought up how he had run off at 18 and joined the Air Force, which I already knew.

But, with this round, there is no perfect time to bring it up and he's always busy or we're having to do something so it's just very frustrating to find at least alright timing to bring it up, if that makes sense.


Posted about 2 months ago

Posted By:

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Member since:
May 2016
Posts: 3422

Welp. You've said you kind of want out of that place because of what you've been/going through. I'd tell your dad that things have been terrible for you, but don't explain if you don't need to. I'd Do what @rainbowpoptart  said. I'd also mention that the thought of just running away will grow stronger if this continues, so moving out may be better in some ways because then they won't have to deal with the sudden shock.

I can feel your pain. It's very... uh.. painful


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