Here is PART of chapter one. Give me feedback and advice.
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Chapter 1 Something Unusual  
         As I stood outside my school, I waited for my bus to pull up. I stood there in the shivering cold, my fingers feeling numb. I had forgotten my gloves. I just remembered that they were in my locker.
      I opened the school’s front door and stepped into the warm. I walked quietly to my locker. I could see some kind of blue light coming out of the slits of the locker. I entered my combination and pulled the lock down and took off the lock.
       I opened the door of my locker and before I knew it there was a blue moving tunnel inside. I wondered, Should I take a risk and step in?

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(( please write more ))

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Here is part 2 of the 1st chapter.

I decided to take the risk and step into this mysterious portal. I wondered where it would take me too.
        I stepped in and suddenly I am going fast into the tunnel. The tunnel looked like an optical illusion.
          I took only a few seconds, but I ended up in a square room. On the walls, ceiling, and floor it have a checker pattern in black and white.
           There was a note on the wall that read: I see you found the locker portal. The only way to get out is to get to the other side of Endnovisia.
            I wondered what Endnovisa was. All of a sudden I heard a voice. “Try stepping me,” the voice said. I tried figuring out what that meant. I realized that this voice was a square. I stepped on three different squares, but they didn’t work. I stepped on the fourth one and the square opened up and sent me going down a slide.
             I was very curious at the end.

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