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My love {Series 1} (Editing!!) Please post and put what you think of it so far

Posted By:
Midapops Lock
Midapops
Member since:
January, 2013
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Status: Offline
Posts: 1334

 I was the shy and nerdy girl in school, and no one ever noticed me. As I walked through the halls wondering if I would ever find a boy for me, I spotted the perfect cute guy. He had brown hair, green eyes and a Beautiful smile. I walked through the halls and accidently busted into the meanest girl in school, "Jessica". You need to watch what your doing Amy. Do you know who you just busted into? She asked. Um yes i do.You have bust into the queen of 6th grade. I got up and ran to the bathroom. Hey Amy are you okay? Yeh I am I replied. Hannah, do you sometimes get  tired of.... Jessica? I asked. Yeh, I hate her. Hannah said. Well she needs to know who she is talking to. Who is she talking to? Hannah asked. I don't know.  I heard the bell ring and I rushed to English class. I sat next to the hot boy, Jason. Hi, He said. H-hey. I Replied. After 3 weeks he finally asked me out. Of course i Said yes. We went to a fancy restaurant. It was so awesome. I ordered Salad and so did Jason........ (Sorry this story is going too fast i just dont have any ideas).
After a year he became my boyfriend (Give me some ideas for the story please). I was so happy to have him as a bf. (Btw im making a role play for this) Um...... yeh. One day Jason Was walking me home. I seen someone running in the fields across the street. I poked my head out and wondered what it was.

"Jason, Did you see that?" I ask. "No, See what?" He replied.
We made it to my house and i seen the person running again. It was.... Jessica.
"Jessica what are you doing?" I shout.
It was a good thing jason wasnt there.
"Im just taking a walk" Jessica says in a Mysterious way
I walk into my house and see my mom and my little sister watching television.
"Hey mom, Hey, Anna.#
I walk into my room and hop into my bed.
(Do you guys think I should start series two? or should there be more action or something? Im a good write im just so excited to make part two and im getting lazy on this story). I heard the door. "Hun!" Its.. Jessica from your school!" My mom shout's. My mouth dropped and I was surprised she actually came to my house. I ran downstairs to see what Jessica was doing here. "Hey, looser. I came to tell you something" She said in an Angry way. "And what is it?" I ask 

"Well Since 3rd grade me and Jason has been dating, And we broke up"
"Why did you guys break up?" 
"I couldn't stand the way he dressed" 
Well Thats not very nice to say"
"Why are you telling me all this!" 
Because...... I want you to know. Jessica says as she walks out the house.

I was puzzled just by hearing that short story. I pushed that out of my mind and walked into my bedroom and went to sleep. (Btw, the next series are about them getting married and getting kids and stuff and more drama:P).

(EDITING!)


I am a photography lover Big Grin
Eiffel Tower!!
Ahh.
o.o


My love {Series 1} (Editing!!) Please post and put what you think of it so far

Posted By:
IlluminateItEllieex Lock
IlluminateItEllieex
Member since:
March, 2013
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Status: Offline
Posts: 296
I'm not a big fan of this, sorry. It's too thrown together. 

i CANNOT OK

My name is Ellie ♥
Jordan is perfect... End of story

Oh and also... Nate is a beautiful human being♥

OMG I CANNOTTT

My best friend made this for me♥


My love {Series 1} (Editing!!) Please post and put what you think of it so far

Posted By:
MewSilver
MewSilver
Member since:
April, 2013
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Status: Offline
Posts: 206
It's good. Maybe some more work with the grammar (for example speech marks for when someone is speaking and new line if someone new speaks) But everything else is good.

My love {Series 1} (Editing!!) Please post and put what you think of it so far

Posted By:
RukiaKuchiki1
RukiaKuchiki1
Member since:
June, 2012
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Status: Offline
Posts: 3438
Everything seems to happen so quick. And use quotation marks.

GIN ICHIMARU!!!!

Oliver my favorite Vocaloid.

Vocaloid Oliver


My love {Series 1} (Editing!!) Please post and put what you think of it so far

Posted By:
MewSilver
MewSilver
Member since:
April, 2013
StarStarStarStar
Status: Offline
Posts: 206
I have an idea. We totally need a jealous ex gf or bf :3 Spice things up a lil

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