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Feedback for a short story

Posted By:
Didit4thelulz
Didit4thelulz
Member since:
October, 2013
Star
Status: Offline
Posts: 8
Hi! This is my first short story. Could you please tell me what you think? What do I need to improve? Thanks Big Grin. Here it is:

It was a normal rainy day in the city of New York. The cars passed by and the people walked 
through the streets with speed trying to get to their destination. 
At the top of the concrete jungle, in a small apartment, a woman looked through her window and smiled as the raindrops fell. She was thinking about him.

He, who made her feel better, even when she 
was passing through very difficult moments. 

He, who could end her pain with just a few 
words. 

He, who, no matter what, always managed to 
make her smile.

His name was Isaac, her best friend. Over the past years, they had grown closer to eachother, specially, with the dead of her dad, he had been the only one there for her. She loved him, in a more than friends way. But she wasn´t sure about his feelings, because he never expressed himself in the conventional way. 
She smiled at the rain, but was stopped by a noise coming from her pocket. Her cellphone. She dashed through the many apps and finally reached the messages. 
A new message from Isaac read:

lol i iz bored zo im juzt gonna annoy u. lol

She hated him sometimes.


Look Mom! I´m posting on a forum!


Feedback for a short story

Posted By:
SangeetaSharma_2620292 Lock
SangeetaSharma_2620292
Member since:
December, 2013
StarStar
Status: Offline
Posts: 16
Its a short, simple and nice story. Thank you so much for sharing with us. keep posting more in future. smile

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Feedback for a short story

Posted By:
disney princess
disney princess
Member since:
December, 2012
StarStarStarStarStar
Status: Offline
Posts: 1613
sounds good, but you have to improve the grammar and there should be a twist as well.
otherwise, its great

♡Sarah♡

.


Enjoy life ❤

LET IT GO
Let it Go

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Be happy today, and always remain so! ^.^

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Feedback for a short story

Posted By:
imagination44
imagination44
Member since:
April, 2013
StarStarStarStar
Status: Offline
Posts: 680
it was good, and I would love to hear more. smile

Blood on my hands but not on my soul
Some day, God willing, I will be whole
And up above
I feel the love
From every star in the sky
I'll never be alone
I will never cry
I'll never be alone
I will never die


Feedback for a short story

Posted By:
Turtle52
Turtle52
Member since:
February, 2013
StarStarStarStarStar
Status: Offline
Posts: 1838
My names Isaac and he sounds sorta like me XD 10/10


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