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Feedback for a short story

Posted By:
Didit4thelulz
Didit4thelulz
Member since:
October 2013
Status:
Offline

Posts: 8
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Posted over 3 years ago
Hi! This is my first short story. Could you please tell me what you think? What do I need to improve? Thanks Big Grin. Here it is:

It was a normal rainy day in the city of New York. The cars passed by and the people walked 
through the streets with speed trying to get to their destination. 
At the top of the concrete jungle, in a small apartment, a woman looked through her window and smiled as the raindrops fell. She was thinking about him.

He, who made her feel better, even when she 
was passing through very difficult moments. 

He, who could end her pain with just a few 
words. 

He, who, no matter what, always managed to 
make her smile.

His name was Isaac, her best friend. Over the past years, they had grown closer to eachother, specially, with the dead of her dad, he had been the only one there for her. She loved him, in a more than friends way. But she wasn´t sure about his feelings, because he never expressed himself in the conventional way. 
She smiled at the rain, but was stopped by a noise coming from her pocket. Her cellphone. She dashed through the many apps and finally reached the messages. 
A new message from Isaac read:

lol i iz bored zo im juzt gonna annoy u. lol

She hated him sometimes.

Look Mom! I´m posting on a forum!


Posted By:
SangeetaSharma_2620292 Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
SangeetaSharma_2620292
Member since:
December 2013
Status:
Offline

Posts: 16
Star 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1eStar 771721baa52164faab3e80914eb3e8e418513288f39d7ccffd0d5c4f8d045d1e
Posted over 3 years ago
Its a short, simple and nice story. Thank you so much for sharing with us. keep posting more in future. smile

fashion clothing


Posted By:
disney princess
disney princess
Member since:
December 2012
Status:
Offline

Posts: 2317
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Posted over 3 years ago
sounds good, but you have to improve the grammar and there should be a twist as well.
otherwise, its great

♡Sarah♡


Posted By:
imagination44
imagination44
Member since:
April 2013
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Posts: 708
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Posted over 3 years ago
it was good, and I would love to hear more. smile


Posted By:
Turtle52
Turtle52
Member since:
February 2013
Status:
Offline

Posts: 1839
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Posted over 3 years ago
My names Isaac and he sounds sorta like me XD 10/10


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