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Feedback for a short story

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Posted about 4 years ago

Posted By:

Default guy 2f448f46d95d5f9e435a7e65f0ed4d8f1bd4e0537d335baaa30428dc294fc57a
Posts: 8

Hi! This is my first short story. Could you please tell me what you think? What do I need to improve? Thanks Big Grin. Here it is:

It was a normal rainy day in the city of New York. The cars passed by and the people walked 
through the streets with speed trying to get to their destination. 
At the top of the concrete jungle, in a small apartment, a woman looked through her window and smiled as the raindrops fell. She was thinking about him.

He, who made her feel better, even when she 
was passing through very difficult moments. 

He, who could end her pain with just a few 
words. 

He, who, no matter what, always managed to 
make her smile.

His name was Isaac, her best friend. Over the past years, they had grown closer to eachother, specially, with the dead of her dad, he had been the only one there for her. She loved him, in a more than friends way. But she wasn´t sure about his feelings, because he never expressed himself in the conventional way. 
She smiled at the rain, but was stopped by a noise coming from her pocket. Her cellphone. She dashed through the many apps and finally reached the messages. 
A new message from Isaac read:

lol i iz bored zo im juzt gonna annoy u. lol

She hated him sometimes.

Look Mom! I´m posting on a forum!


Posted about 4 years ago

Posted By:

Default girl ebfa4eefafa81bb90719837d64c24469880b9b6f180430fe833764236bc8b5a4
Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
Its a short, simple and nice story. Thank you so much for sharing with us. keep posting more in future. smile

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Posted about 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
sounds good, but you have to improve the grammar and there should be a twist as well.
otherwise, its great

♡Sarah♡


Posted about 4 years ago

Posted By:

Thumb
it was good, and I would love to hear more. smile


Posted about 4 years ago

Posted By:

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Lock e1691472cafece64304be81c5c9c507a93800d3a6cd5948297266277351b71ef
My names Isaac and he sounds sorta like me XD 10/10


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