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Please read my story, rate and comment on how i could make it better :D

Posted By:
kittykat123xxo
kittykat123xxo
Member since:
October, 2011
StarStarStar
Status: Offline
Posts: 76
 Chapter 1Me, Jessi, and Samantha were walking to our next class when we saw him. He was magnificent. Tall, toned, tanned, and had beautiful green eyes that contrasted his jet black - spiky hair. I felt weak at the knees - he was like an angel. “Cari, what do you think of the new boy, he moved here from New York. He’s delicious isn’t he. Just so happens that he is single.” informed Jessi oblivious to the love erupting in my body. She obviously read my mind. “Umm, he is lush. How do you know he is single anyway?” I couldn’t resist myself. “Well he is my step dads friends son - if you get that.” she gave me a blank look - Oh crap she is getting annoyed. “Cari are you listening to me. I know he is fit but besties before boys.” Again I was dreaming about or rather staring at this gorgeous boy. OH MY GOD! He just looked at me, he is smiling. He saw me staring, open mouth - close to drooling and everything. Omg I am so embarrassed. I turn back to the girls. A wide grin stretches across Sam’s cute face. Oh Lord, she knows. Sam has a knack for noticing when im embarrassed, especially around boys. You see she is the master when it comes to boys and obvious to everyone around - I am the novice. Sam whisks me into our maths classroom, followed by Jessi - who is now texting her cheat of a boyfriend Daniel. She don’t know it, but we - Jessi, her brother Kyle and me - do. One day last week, we caught them at it behind the bike sheds - not a pretty site. I think I have been mentally scared. She would be absolutely devastated if she found out. I have decided that it is only on a need to know basis. “If I didn’t know better, I would say that you were weak at the knees.” Only Sam can do this - she knows me so well. I smile a weak, feeble smile. My cheeks flaming red - why do they do that? “ Calm down Cari, he is coming over mine tonight because my step dad has invited his dad over. And fortunately he is coming with.” Jessi chipped in. “It is the perfect opportunity for you to be introduced. Well we now have to discuss what we are going to wear - well if your coming - of course.” Jessi carried on - now daydreaming about the wonders in her wardrobe. Interrupting our fun, Mr Small walks in - its funny how he is rather large. It always gets me and the gang. He is my favourite teacher of all time. He can always take a joke and lets us have fun in our lessons. Just how I like it. “Settle down kids, get in your places.” Bellows the rather large figure of a man. In unison we jump from the desk and walk to the places assigned to us. Sam sitting with a girl - who I think is secretly a mouse. Jessi is sitting with a maths geek and me - im sitting on my own at the back. With smelly Greg in front to keep me company.Sitting down with a big sigh, Sam looks back at me in pity and mouths ‘love you.’ I know she does, I mouth back ‘ I know, everyone does’ A large grin sweeps across my round face - and hers. “Ladies, please pay attention to me.” He turns to the whiteboard. “Now get out your maths books and copy down the date.” I open my brown rugged satchel and grab the A5 blue book and my pencil case. Opening my book I write the date - 15th May 2011. “Today we will be doing a SATs….” Mr small is interrupted by the opening of the door. I don’t look up as it is probably a Yr 9. I remember I was young and small just like them. “ Hello, you must be the new boy.” It cant be - can it? “Yes Sir, I am Theo Oliver.” Said a masculine, sort of American sounding voice, that of a boy. I look up hoping it was. OMG it is. Cari don’t go red now or you’ll blow it before it has even started. Jessi looks back and gives me a cheeky wink - Sam just turns round and grins wildly - I love them both so much. We have been besties since we were all two years old. I cant remember times without them. Back to the subject in hand - Oh yeah, Theo. He is so good looking he actually looks manufactured. I actually think I am drooling. He must think im weird or something but I just cant help it. “ Go sit there at the back with Cari, she will treat you nice.” Oh god I wish I could kill Mr Small, he maybe my favourite teacher but it doesn’t mean I’ll miss him. Oh that is such a horrible thought. I feels so nasty now.“Ok” He smiles such a cheeky smile, Mr small gives him a exercise book and he makes his way towards me. It feels like we are getting married and he is walking down the isle. I try to smile and hope on every lucky star that my cheeks are not red. In four long strides he reaches my desk and sits next to me. He smells of Lynx Excite - my favourite. “ Hey, I’m Theo.” A warm smile broke across his perfect face. “I’m Cari.” I said in a daze. He has such a soft face, his lips are so luscious. I just want to kiss him. “I’m new to the area. I only know a couple of people - do you know that girl with the curly, afro like hair down at the front.” He was pointing to Jessi. “Yeah, she is one of my best friends, she said something about her dads friend moving down here. She also said he had a son, im guessing that’s you. My other best friend is Sam - the one over there with the jet black hair. So how is it in Bury St Edmunds?” I’m blabbering again, aren’t I? although I came across really weird, he smiled at me - he likes doing that a lot doesn’t he. A humble, warm sense of home was radiating off of him. “it’s cool, its even better know I’ve met you.” is he for real. He is definitely trying to make me blush. “Sam has been so nice to me and my dad, its just an added bonus that your one of her best friends.” God, that sweet smell of his breath, I can feel the warmth flowing from his body. “Well I’m coming over for tea tonight. So you gotta be looking hot, well for you that’s not going to be hard.” I reply, sort of dumb struck, as if I actually said that to him. Good one Cari, make an idiot out of your self. I look down to save the rest of my dignity and complete the algebra work that Mr Small asked us to complete quite a long time ago.  Chapter 2 “…..and we didn’t talk for the rest of the lesson, my god I was so embarrassed. he just did his work while I just sat there in silence basically killing myself. I told him that I was coming over to your house and that he had to look hot. Mega cringe worthy.” Lunch time is such a crucial part of our day. We discuss everything that’s been happening and I mean EVERYTHING. “It will be fine, just don’t embarrass your self tonight. Oh what are you wearing tonight?” She knows me too well - which is a bad thing, she knows im not a fashion crazed teenager. “I think im going to wear my ripped, light denim shorts and my flowery top. Or is that showing to much?” I said, hoping to impress her, just because she is such a style queen. “Yeah, that would look good. You can come over straight after school. I’ll do your make up for you. I’ll make you look gorgeous. That must impress him I think but remember be cool, be reem. As Joey Essex would say.” she said with an almighty laugh, a few people on the field - where we were sitting - turned and looked. I couldn’t help but let out a little giggle, nor could Jessi or Sam. Soon it turned into a full scale giglathon. We just couldn’t stop. It was sort of embarrassing - but hilarious at the same time.The laughing soon withered out and all of us were staring from the top of the hill where we were sat at the god that was now making his way up the hill. Is he coming up here to see us? Omg I think he is. Oh god he is looking at me and im staring back. Im going to die. Suddenly seagulls swooped down - making a lot of racket. It was like a white cloud taking over the boy on the hill. Swiftly the birds flew away as if nothing happened and standing there on the hill - Theo. He is covered in bird poo. A giggle left my lips. Sam and Jessi turned to look at me and laughed too. “Cari, you better get down there and help your future boyfriend.” whispered Sam, in an encouraging tone of voice. “ I think I will, you know, don’t wanna miss my chance.” I reach into my bag and pull out my me to you tissues, they will have to do. By this time Theo is still standing on the hill - all white.i havent finished yet but i hope you all like it Big Grin

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
-Ernest Gaines


Please read my story, rate and comment on how i could make it better :D

Posted By:
seeu2 seeme3
seeu2 seeme3
Member since:
September, 2012
Star
Status: Offline
Posts: 5

you dont have to make it better but you do have to write more if you had a book id so buy it because it like heaven pouring into my um ears i think .anyway awsome five stars [ :



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