{{Sorry I didn't reply sooner }}

I walked home at a casual pace as my home wasnt that far. I eventually made it to my home, empty of my family once again. I sighed as I dragged my feet up the stairs, making it to my room where I cried, laughed...cut.... I slammed my bedroom door behind me and made my way through the swamp of my junk to my chest of drawers and wardrobe. I chucked black converse, my cream chinos, a green hoodie, a black beenie, and a black shirt on my bed, along with some lynx. Then I made my way to the bathroom and picked up the razor blade, cutting a X on my forearm and ignoring the pain. I had a mark for everyday for about two years now, I couldnt help it anymore, it was like a second nature and if I didnt do it, something bad would happen. I sighed and jumped in the shower, alowing the warm water to sooth my muscles. I jumped out and ran my hand through my hair before returning to my bedroom and tugging on my clothes, spraying on some lynx before sitting on my bed and finally checking my phone. 'Um....Hi....Is this Jasper?' automatically came up on the screen from a unknown number. I saved the number as Grace and messaged her back ' Hi, yeah this is Jasper, what time do you want picking up?' I sent before biting my lip at the fact her text had been sent half a hour before mine. But what could you do?

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I heard my ringtone go off in my room. I slowly stopped crying, dropped the knife, got up, and walked out. Before going to check my phone, I walked into my bathroom and washed the dripping blood off of my arm. I grabbed the bloody rag from my hamper, and wrapped it around my arm, as if it were gauze. New stains started forming. I sat down on my bed, whipping away tears. I picked up my phone, and read the message. It was Jasper. I read it. It was 4:00 now.. Two hours should be enough time. 
"Is 6:00 okay with you?
I returned his message, and placed my phone on my bed-side stand.

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I replied a lot sooner this time 'sure, see you then' I sent, dabbing at the red stain that was moving progressivly down my arm. I needed to sort this out... I went to the bathroom and stuck my arm under the freezing cold tap, waiting for the water to run clear. What was wrong with me...I picked up the dripping blade and ran it along each of my wrists in turn then stuck them too under the tap. I disgusted myself, I really did...

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I replied
"Okay."
I walked into my bathroom, started the shower, and got in. I rubbed my arm underneath the warm water. It went from clear, to red. After 10 minutes, I got out, and got dressed. Not into my outfit for the night, but into my sweatpants and hoodie. I towel dried my hair, and sat on my bed. The slits in my wrist were now dry. I went downstairs to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I pulled out the green grapes In the clear bowl. Picking them off of their stems, I plopped them in my mouth. I was on a strict diet I had come up with for my own good. One fruit a day, that's it. That way, if got sick of cutting, I wouldn't be able to throw up anything big if I, well.. Stuck my finger down my throat. Some of the girls called me fat in school, so I tried making myself skinny. I walked back up to my room, and into my bathroom. I blew dried my hair, considering it was 5:00, and my hair wasn't dry. Next, I straightened it, burning myself several times. Sometimes, on purpose. Then my makeup, and then I got dressed. The outfit looked stupid on my. The whole getup looked stupid. I rolled my eyes, shut off the light, and walked out. I checked my phone. 5:50. He should be here soon. I walked downstairs, and sat on the couch. My mother tried to start a conversation with me, I just sat there, speechless. 

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I finally made it to her house and tugged down my sleeves, plastering a smile on my face. For gods sake... To be honest, what was the point of even taking her to dinner, I would refuse to eat any of it... Stupid weight, stupid me....I sighed and got out of the car, walking up the drive to her house. I knocked on the door and when she answered I smiled. "Um hi, I was thinking we could go to the park instead, just hang out?" I asked gently and hopefully

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The edges of my mouth slightly rose when I answered the door. I waved back. Pulling the sharpie out of my back pocket, I wrote on my palm:
"That's fine."
I then realized my arms hadn't been covered, and my cuts were showing, straight in his vision. My eyes grew huge and I bit my lip
Oh no..

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My eyes widened a little but I ignored it. I ignored them, the scars that well...matched mine. And so I didnt say anything. "Erm...come on then" I mumbled, holding the door open for her and giving a little wave to her Mom. I unlocked the car door, and held it open for her to climb in.

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I knew he saw them, they weren't unnoticeable. I walked over to his car with him, and got in. He shut the door for me. Once I was alone for the moment, I sighed. I placed my bag in my lap. It had a note pad in it, along with a pencil case full of black pens, and extra sharpies. 

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I began to drive and kept my eyes on the road. We sat in awkward silence for a few moments before my eyes flickered to her and I bit my lip. "So you cut, huh?" I asked, refraining from telling her about my own issues. The corner of my mouth turned up in a little smile as I watched her pull a sharpie and a notebook from her bag.

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I closed my eyes and sighed. Flipping open the blank notebook I wrote:
Bad habit... I hate to do it... It's my last resort.
I leaned the paper toward him, looking out the window. I didn't want to see his reaction.

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